deep manic depression,thoughts of suicide

[joeyvalentine]

well heres what happened
i am 18 yrs old and i fell in love,and im really afraid of myself.my girl left me cause it turns out she was a lesbian the whole time and didnt want to tell me because she didnt want me hurt and she didnt know for sure.the thought of her being with anyone else especially a girl just hurts.not that im against gays,just now she can never be mine ever.im so depressed that 5 months later i have seriously been thinking about dying.and it doesnt help i have horrible night terrors almost every night.ive been so upset by it all i dont remember the last 5 months of my life since the breakup happened, all ive done is cry and scream for her in my sleep and spend my days alone. it got to the point were i dont find any other girl attractive,and it scared me cause i thought maybe im gay too.but it turns out im not.after searching myself i really loved her,and just dont have an attraction to anyone anymore.i have no libido,i couldnt get an erection for 3 months,i sleep all day and have these night terrors,where i cry and shake and scream in my sleep,my friends are trying to help but noones advice is working.and ive tried zoloft to make the pain better but its worse then ever.to make things worse this girl was my best friend for 3 yrs straight before we started dating and i gave her my virginty.and after all the drama me and her are trying to be friends.but it is so hard to maintain a healthy relationship. and no matter how much we struggle its not working because im still in love with her and it eats me alive and all i talk about is the past relationship we had and it brings her down and drives her away.im so obsessed i wound up getting a tattoo for her.an infinity symbol to represent how much i would always care for her even if we dont work out.and ive really been scaring myself,ive done things ive said i would never do to try and numb the pain(marijuana)and it doesnt help my dad is a cokehead who just got out of rehab,and i have noone in my family i can talk to.my best friends dad is trying to give me advice and it doesnt work.ive been cutting and just i dont know what to do anymore.nothing seems apealing and nothing seems like home.and when a 18yr old boy has no sex drive left there is something seriously wrong.does anyone know of anything i can do to make things better?preferably not pills(im afraid of them because of my fathers addicitions)

[lost_myself]

All I can say is give it time and resist doing things you normally wouldnt . I am 40 and going through a similar heartbreak ..it doesnt get easier as you get older but , i think you learn things along the way that help.

DO NOT EVER consider harming yourself for ANY reason , if you seriously think you might and truely dont have anyone else to talk to....call 911 they will get you somewhere to get you some help...the hurt will ease and things will make more sense in time the ONLY thing that matters is that you are here to see it. I will be gone a couple days days but there are understanding people here to help you. If thats not enough...find somone a priest, a teacher , a boss if you work ..anyone or pick up the phone like I said. Take  care...I will check in here when I am back from traveling....

[whodunnit]

First thing mate is virtually none of what you describe could be attributed to manic depression.

Depression? Deep depression? Yes. Manic depression? No.

You're 18, had a girlfriend since you were what, 15? So a break up is gonna hurt big time mate. You are indeed freaked out about gay as you write about it about yourself as well. Gay is not the issue. It is the breakup and you not accepting it. That is the problem.

What she does you cannot control and never will. If you could she wouldn't be worth knowing. Let her go and let yourself grow. You're only 18. That first heartbreak feels like the end of the world but it ain't. You'll never forget it, for sure, but real love is ahead. It always is Joey, always.

Do what you can to keep away from her, cut contact, change groups, friends, hangouts until you hear and see nothing of her. Then the hurt will begin to stop. If you continue seeing her etc it will keep right on a hurting as the song goes.

You choose. Do you want it to stop? Then take action to make it. Tell her not to call, change phones and numbers, email addresses, the lot. Go away for a while, whatever you can do to give yourself time to breathe.

There's another old song I'll quote here. It Goes "Forget him, cos he doesn't loooove you". That's what has happened, in reverse, right?

As to manic depression, get that idea right out of your head as you are giving yourself an excuse to act crazy. That's not manic, that's dumb.

Go see a doc and get a valid diagnosis and meds if needed. I'd suggest only anxiety pills may be useful but maybe depression also. Depends how far you have let this go.

See the doc urgently and break this nasty feeling. It'll take time but nothing will change unless you act.

You do not want to die, you want the pain to stop, I've told you what to start with and others will tell you more. Act.

[lost_myself]

Hey Man ..I said I'd check in and here I am! ...How is it going?

[QuantumIncision]

Being depressed about something really traumatic for you isn't a disease.  That is normal.  Though you seem to really be taking it really hard.  I would say just try and deal with it...make a new friend, male or female, and just hang out with them.  Not in a sexual way just a friendly way.  If you really can't, you can try some antidepressant.  I don't know if it will work for you because it is an issue that is causing depression not some imbalance...but there is hope.  

[Richter_Belmont]

he bro, i will give you an advise which may help you a little.

in my case, i tell you short part of it. my ex lover was still living in my house. and she

already had a boyfriend. they usually talk sweet in the phone and i always here their

conversation. guess what, i feel really really BAD inside!. im sooooooooo depressed

like my chest will explode anytime.

now to lessen the depression that i felt. What i did was, i stop having a serious

face. because base on my experience being serious leads to depression. because

im becoming toooooooooooo serious. so have this normal looks on your face. calm

and peaceful. like your telling your self to be calm, peaceful and not be so serious.

i keep telling my self that words over and over and over again. and it makes me feels

good.