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depression

I know im depressed.. Ive self harmed before & aways afraid , im even afraid to talk bout it right now.. Im a looner & i dont trust any of my friends, i just wanna be happy again... Could anyone help me? Like i said im very scared just to talk bout my depression buut i am 100% not suicidle
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2996663_tn?1374172676
Im glad you arent suicidal!! The only thing to do is to talk about it, keeping  it inside will only make it worse. I understand your scared, but all of us here have faced that as well. I was afraid to go to a therapist, I was afraid to talk about things, and there are still a lot of things im afraid to talk about..even to the people I trust the most. Coming here and admitting you know your depressed  and declaring you need to be helped is a great start though. Its not entiry easy to do!
You can talk about anything here, you will NOT be judged here. Please know that!
Take care and if your comfortabl, talk about anything that bothers you here!
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Avatar_f_tn
I dont even know how to start, but i cry my self to sleep ALOT & to be honest im not even an adult & idk if this site is free so it scares me more, im crying right now typing this but it feels like im alone & that no one cares.
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2996663_tn?1374172676
Im not an adult either :) this site is free so no worries! You can post as much as youd like here, and everybody here is nice and try tobhelp the best they can. Theres a lot of great advice givers!
Do you know whats making you depressed?
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Avatar_f_tn
Thankyou & its my friends, family & society & ofc school.. School is a nightmare to me im so scared to even step foot on the bus the boys would pretend to cuutt there wrist & yell at me "emo girl" :'( & my friends ignore me 24/7 they act like im not even there my best friend would have to be my blade .. My family is falling apart i hear yelling everyday& society just makes everything worst.. Ive even stoopped my eating habbits i feel like im worthless & just nothing anymore
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2996663_tn?1374172676
Well your NOT worthless!!! Those people who make fun of you like that, there not worthless either, but there jerks!!!
I get teased in school all the time too, I know exactly how it feels. I dread this coming year because I dont want to fave.it. I get made fun of for my mental illnesses all the time
Maybe when school comes, you can talk to a school counslor. Thats what there for, no need to be afraid! You should really try finding a good therapist.  Its not healthy to keep all this in instead of talk to someone. You need to talk to someone!
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Avatar_f_tn
I cant talk to anyone tho.. The first time my parents walked into my room to see i was self harming i got grounded from everything & i got threatend to go to a hospital im so scared & then i self harm again.. Even worst, i hate talking to ppl like adults face to face bcuz i have a speech problem.. & everyone hates me & everyone isnt 100% perfect everyone has something bout them & i cant find a therapist bcuz of my parents :'( i may not be nothing but i sure feel like it .. & u shoould talk to someone too its not fair the way ppl treat uu were all lhumans alive & breathing
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2996663_tn?1374172676
Thats not fair that they grounded you for it!
Talking to people face to face is n issue for me too! Its whats held me back from therapists all the time. Im not seeing one right now.
I had to go to 2 residential psych hospitals, one for 27 days then o was transfered to another one for 4 almost 5 months. There not that bad I guess.The first one I went to, I liked it there alot.
Its hard trying to talk to people when your scared. Maybe your parents dont understand the full extent of your problems. Have you tried talking to them and telling them how you have been feeling and why?  You should try to, and if they dont listen find someone who will!! But your t
here daughter, you should be a first priority until the day you turn 18!
Im always told to ignore the bullies at school, but its hard when there all coming at you all the time, when your singled out. They call me crazy all the time. Im not crazy, and dont worry your not either! I agree, we are living breathing people, just as important as anybody else in this world.
Talk to somebody! Talk here! Dont fight this alone because you cant! We are here for you!!
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Avatar_f_tn
I do not even wanna tell my parents ive been cutting myself because they would freak at me.. & im so scared i hide my wrist & try not to wear short shorts.. Sometimes i dont even cry when i watch the blood drip & i dont think i can stop cutting makes everything okay , buut i know it defintly isnt & what did they do at the hospital.. Im scared of ppl even know i self harm & like i said i know im not suicdal but i think about it sometimes buut i wouldnt do it
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2996663_tn?1374172676
Well, when I first got there, they made me do a mental health evaluation test, and then they had me do these weird test things where they would show me a picture of blocks that were made into a shape and I had to take real blocks and make them look like in the picture. I did all kinds of tests including the ink blob one.
At the hospital we had a therapy group, where all of us would sit with the therapist and talk about coping skills and stuff. and then we had our own on sone sessisons with our therapist.  we went to school there, and your grades you get there count towards the grades you get in the real school.
The only time they would stick you with a needle in the butt was if you were having a mental breakdown or your out of control.
Like I said, it wasnt that bad except some of the staff.

I cut as well and I wear long sleeves most the time, and ontop of it im self concious about everything so youll see me wearing a sweatshirt in 90° weather!
Your parents need to know what your going through. They need tp be there for you and help you. Tell them why you do it, what makes you feel like doing it. They need not to freak out on you for this type of thing, because its not fair, you need there help right now not there authority.
Since your afraid of talking to them about ot, maybe you can write them a note explaining everything, how you feel, why you feel that way, why you cut and that you just want understanding from them, not punishment. It would be easier to write a note I think, and then leave it where you know shell find it.
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Avatar_f_tn
Im so scared of what can happen if i tell them.. & if i do go to a mental hospital i'll be none as crazy person to ppl around me :'( & idk whad i do with out my knife && sometimes i wanna be anerexic i wanna be skinny but im not & im terrified of needles
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Avatar_f_tn
Im so scared i dont even wanna tell my parents i just want to be alone & cry all day long with my blade in my hand .. & im scared to go to a hospital what if they take away my blade? Im so scared & super shy :'( im afraid to talk.. Idk what to do im so scared & most of the time i want to be anerexic bcuz of my weight
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480448_tn?1383222375
I know you're scared, but you REALLY do need to ask your parents to help you find a professional to go to to work through these issues.  You need to learn coping techniques that don't include harming yourself.  You're going through a rough time in your life...I promise you things will get better.  The teen years are rough...everyone is struggling to fit in and find their "place" in the world.  You'd be surprised at how many other kids feel just like you.  Even the most popular well "put together" kids struggle with these kinds of emotions and fears.

Let me give you a little bit of advice.  You commented that you are "Emo".  Being an old lady (lol) I wouldn't know what that is, however I have a 14 yr old daughter, so I'm in the know.  When I make this suggestion, it is NOT because I think everyone should conform, or not express themselves through their appearance.  However...this is my take on those kinds of styles.  Please just read this with an open mind..

The sooner you learn that appearances will drastically affect the world around you, the better.  You may not agree with it, but it's life.  When you're 22 and going for a job interview...there could be 10 people all qualified for the job...you know who is NOT going to get chosen?  The person with tattoos, piercings, black hair, etc.  You get the picture.  It's just the way the world works...people put a lot of importance on appearances, and for good reasons.  You may not think it's fair...but it's just the way it is.  That's not to say you shouldn't express yourself, but to put it bluntly, if you are dressing in a manner that sets you apart from most everyone else, you ARE going to get negative attention.  ALSO, an "emo" or "goth" kind of style breeds negativity.  For a person already struggling with depression, that is only going to reinforce feelings of darkness for you.

I'm not saying to change everything about yourself, but give some thought to perhaps toning your look down a bit.  If you wear mostly black, try wearing some bright colors.  There have been studies done...a person's mood is directly affected by their environment...that includes colors, music, TV.  If you're spending your time listening to depressing music, watching horror movies, dressing in all black, it will directly affect your mood and outlook on life.  I mean...makes sense, doesn't it?

I've had this exact same conversation with my own daughter, so I guarantee I know exactly what you're thinking.  You're saying..."That's not right!!!  People should like me for who I am!!  I shouldn't have to conform!!!"  Honey, I don't disagree with you...but what "should be" isn't reality in life.  Life is tough enough without adding more stress to yourself by choosing to make yourself stand out with your appearance....or giving people ammo to tease you with.  Life is about choices.  You are depressed, therefore it only makes sense that you can CHOOSE to fill your environment with more positive, happy things...rather than doom and gloom.  Even a person without depression would feel down and low in a negative setting.

Just please think about it.  I told witheredrose the same thing.  You can have your own style and be unique without having to look like you're always on your way to a funeral, ya know?  

Please talk to your parents.  You don't have to tell them everything.  Just tell them that you're feeling very depressed and would like to get help.  I'm willing to bet they'll be very proud of you for taking the initiative by asking for help.  Surround yourself with positive uplifting things in your environment.  Choose the lighthearted, funny movie, over the bloody gory movie.  Listen to happy, upbeat music iinstead of that hard crap where all people do is scream and yell.  I'm telling you...just those simple changes will do a WORLD of good in changing your overall mood.

We're here for you.  Stick around and let us know how you're doing.
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Avatar_m_tn
I can guarantee you this one thing... not everyone hates you.  That is the one guarantee you do get in life.  

Your parents grounding you?  I'd guess it's because they do not know how to handle the situation.  I can understand that.  Nobody knew how to handle my depression, including me.  In fact, I went decades without acknowledging that I had problems.  So, you are decades ahead of me!  Congratulations on that, and congratulations on talking about this.  This is the first big step.

I would talk to your parents first.  Let them know that you do have problems, that they are very real, and that you'd like some help and support from them.  Let them know that you will speak with a school counselor on your own, or perhaps some other authorities (maybe even the police... not to get your parents in trouble, but to get you help!) if necessary to get the help you need.  Hospitalization may or may not be necessary, but do not fear the hospital.  That is one of the safest environments out there.... no judges... nobody making fun... those people are there to help you and you have to remember that.

I strongly, strongly suggest you find some professional help.  Start with a regular doctors visit if necessary.  If that won't work and your parents seem reluctant to help, reach out to someone in the community like a school counselor or a police officer.  There is help out there, and it has never walked up to someone in need.  We have to go get it....


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Avatar_f_tn
I dont have any tattoos or piecings on my body & i dont dress emo i try to wear bright colours & i try to feel happy & invinceble but im not insteac im falling apart on the inside.. I still have hope just not much the cutting makes makes me feel so much better letting all my anger out & just watching the blood drip on down my body i feel addicted to it.. & last time i told my parents all hell broke through :'( i cant tell them .. Thats why i can to this site.. I dont feel like my old self anymore.. I tell ppl im fine when im really not u have a really good point to bout styles but i dont think thats making me worst  but i admit i listen to depressing music so i can try to relate & feel like im not alone even tho i feel like i am like im lost in a dark scary room & i cant find the light that will lead me to another world where everything will be alright again
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Avatar_f_tn
My old school went up to grade 8 i started cutting in grade 6 .. My old school priciple knew bout my depression & tryed to talk to me but i bit my tonge & refused to talk to them.. & they never did anything to help me.. & yes my parents grounded me from everything & i got screamed at .. Im so scared i dont think i can trust my parents enough to them im scared right now just ta online bout this :'( im scared
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480448_tn?1383222375
Of COURSE you're scared.  That's normal and that's OKAY!!  Like I said before...you can ask your parents to get you help without telling them all the intimate details about the cutting and the blood...etc.  Save that conversation for the therapist, dear.  You just need to initiate the process of getting professional help.

Depression is a real illness...you can't help the way you feel.  It isn't a character flaw, or something you can control, which again is why it requires professional help to get to a manageable place.

Cutting is a way of dealing with feelings and emotions you are bottling up...and a way to reduce anxiety.  Like I already said...a therapist will help you to learn HEALTHY ways of dealing with those feelings that doesn't involve hurting yourself.

Also, cutting can get out of hand.  All it takes is one cut a little "deeper" than you intended, and before you know it...you're fighting for your life.  PLEASE reach out to your parents and ask for help, honey.  You're SO worth it despite you not feeling like you are.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  Don't suffer any longer than you have to.

All you have to do is tell your parents you would like help, that you feel depressed.  If they "freak out", tell them that's why you're asking for help.....and you want to be able to go to them and tell them the truth about what is going on.  Again, you don't have to share all the details that would likely upset or scare them.  Thats the stuff you tell the professionals.  They're trained, and they hear this stuff every day.  You cannot shock them, or upset them.

It's fine to turn to us for some extra support and understanding...but we cannot replace a doctor or a therapist.  An online forum like this should NEVER be used as a substitution for real, IN-PERSON health care, sweetie.

Will you TRY asking for help?
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Avatar_f_tn
Would it be best if i wait til school starts & see a cancelor bcuz i am beyond terrified to tell my parents :'(
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480448_tn?1383222375
Sure, honey...you could do that to start with.  Just reach out to SOMEONE.
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Avatar_f_tn
hi huni,reading over all posts..you seem a smart girl..more than you realise...you seem to know what actually is right from wrong... im almost 38 and god knows my issues when i was your age...,but hey,im here,..give yourself more credit..and them bullies will never prevail...they will be the losers because they are the ones seekin reassurance in ther sad lives...pardon my french but f..k em....you,and only you counts hun...your young right now but you will see that..and the fact your even on a site like this just says it all...you want answers..you want to be better..and you will be..you made the first step without even realising it....fk em all...they lose,you win....x sorry,just trying to boost your confidence..with every right to also...reach out hun,,,but know your not alone..and fight xxxx
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Avatar_f_tn
Thaankuu for you help  & i'll my best to reach out to someone this site has helped ALOT
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Avatar_f_tn
&& thaankyou for the confedence :) its really helping && i have faith i can  fight my awful depression
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Avatar_m_tn
your not alone..we are all one and all together.  this world we live in is hard at times, try hard to remember the good and the little things in a day that make you smile...I dont know why, but when i get down and out i go find a great big tree and hug it.. and really try to feel its strength surround me.  negative thoughts try and do the blah blah thing in your head untill they stop.  try not to allow them in.. sending hugs
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Avatar_f_tn
Why do i feel so alone then? :'( it feels like i built up walls around me & they all just got brokened down into piecies
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Avatar_f_tn
ye know years ago when i didnt understand about cliches and all those sayings that you think people say just to make you feel better...its took me such a long time to realise that they are really quite true..they are sayings for a reason...here is one for you..rome wernt built in a day..and also..those brick walls will come down hun..but do it brick by brick,because nobody wants a wall to come crashing down on them...and as u take those bricks away you will also be living your life..life each day and gradually take away those bricks and when you get through it  you can build em up again but how you want to..in your own way..and do whatever makes u happy...and here is one of my favourite sayings...life is what is happening whilst your making plans to do other things...i used to hate all these sayings in life..but people say them for a reason..cause they bloody true..take a deep breath hun..your not alone,your so not alone,.all my bestest wishes x
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Avatar_f_tn
Ive started trying to find ways to cope with myself, but i havent found any thats working im doing yoga at home for stress & weight loss & i tried writting my feelings in a piece of paper & burning it but nothings workinf :'( im feeling more depressed bout everything &anything :'(
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Avatar_f_tn
Please, i dont know what to do :'(
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Avatar_f_tn
Can anyone give me advice? Or ways to cope im feeling worst
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Avatar_f_tn
hi,so sorry,just come across post..how are you doing? sorry its been so long
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