emotional stress leading to depression

[jovitz]

i think i am depressed, i exhibit a partiality of all symptoms of depression including suicidal thoughts although that i think that is extreme. i am no believer in anti depressants i have not taken any antidepressants and i have not consulted any psychologist. i read journals and ggogles about almost everything that is why i believe that i am depressed. i know the cause of my depression and having no power/authority over it, makes me depressed.

[RIPSOON]

i didnt know that capitalization signified shouting. however, since you like most people capitalize the first letter of each new sentence, are you shouting only that letter? at least shout the entire word - doesnt that make sense? it probably sounds dumb....now were even. now, i - and possibly 1 or 2 other people ( yes, sarcasm) on this planet use "caps" to put EMPHASIS (sorry) on a particular word or meaning. its a good way to STRESS (oops-i-did-it-again) the word as important. okay, i just realized that im defending myself against someone whos reprimanding me for "shouting"..............in print!!! thank you for that, i do feel less "ill" - by comparison - at this point! oh, yeah, hospitals, who wouldnt feel "safe" in a hospital?! my friends mom was given 3 hip infections and a bedsore during her 7 month - and counting - stay there. my neighbors angioplasty resulted in a severed artery, but he didnt suffer long, as he died within seconds. i wont even mention my mothers 10 yr addiction to vallium - as prescribed by those "safe" hospital folks, but i will, in closing, mention my father dying (literally - flatlining) in the "safe" intensive care unit, while the nurses held a birthday party. need i continue (rhetorical question)? and as for "they cannot turn you away" if you cannot pay....youre right, they cannot, just as you cannot turn away the bill they send you. i know - i just finished paying my 3,000 dollar bill from 2000. poverty and debt do not mix well. so, you tell me not to give up hope "yet". maybe youre right, ill put that off just a little longer. thank you for caring, though!!! at least you spent time typing your concern. if only doctors cared partially as much as people like you!       ps..... perhaps you shouldnt say "hang in there" to someone who is... you know.. suicidal.

[LeftCoastChick]

There is medical help in the US for folks who are unable to work, at this point I suggest you go to your nearest hospital where you can feel safe and get the help that is needed for you, the cannot turn you away. There are many pharmaceutical companies also supplying meds to those who can't afford them. There are options out there for you! Don't give up hope yet.

I must ask you to please refrain from using caps when trying to express you points, it's considered shouting. I and I am sure others understand your feelings without doing that.

If you are feeling suicidal and or/intrusive thoughts, pleae go to your local ER, you will get the help. You do not need to suffer in this way, this can be managed. Unfortunately Bipolar cannot be cured, but you can get stable, I'm living proof that a Bipolar person can be stable.

Hang in there!

[RIPSOON]

ive been plagued with intrusive thoughts, relentless "mantras"that must be repeated a certain # of times, continuously, over and over again, the same anylitical "what if" thoughts looping through my sick head endlessly for 2 yrs now. i basically NEED to tell my girlfriend that i love her CONTINUOUSLY...cuz IF she dies, those have to be my last words to her(and in my sick mind, she could die anytime), so i MUST tell her I LOVE YOU constantly...just in case!!! every single aspect of my life centers around "what if" and her dying, when in reality, im the one whos gonna die - no one can live like this!! my extensive research confirms my ocd, ive had tourettes for 30+yrs, but i cant decide between bipolar and dysthymia/depression. for me, "mania" is just a level of happiness that is really basically "normal" happiness/by normal standards, so its not mania its just "undepression" i guess. i have anger outbursts followed by GUILT than depression, than whatever comes next. im sure a quack doc could best diagnose me, but with no insurance, cash or ability to hold a job and not having any kids, AND being an american citizen (my biggest disadvantage), my chances of getting treatment are as good as my chances of waking up tomorrow CURED!!! i thought i was trying to make a point here, but i guess it got lost in this (aimless) rant. anyway, everyone in this community seems to GENUINLY care about people - who are are all in the same boat together, so i value and trust your feedback MORE than any doctor!

[jovitz]

thank u for support. my blood disorder is congenital. i wanted to know its classification but technology for its testing is not available where i live. its some kind of purpura, blood vessels are weak that blood escapes it even by scratching the skin. this winter season i freaked out when i saw the purpura in my arms, they just appeared coz of the cold weather!! after 4 days it was gone.
i wish depression is just like that-it comes it goes. sometimes i have to think about how i became depressed-i know there's only one main reason and all other reasons branched out from it. what if i telll you that th main reason is my involuntary emotions? nobody can control an involuntary muscle reactions because they are-involuntary, they happen whether we like it or not. although it is our attitude towards whatever happens that would direct the change of the outcome, however failure is such a shocker to everyone, it catches us off guard everytime. and when im starting to believe that i dont deserve to live, everything seem to be well without anyone missing me from this life.

[remar]

Have you seen your Dr. yet. There has got to be something you can take with your blood disorder. Look at it this way, if you had diabeties you would take medication for that right? Depression is an illness too and it does'nt make you a weak person for taking medication. All of us here understand what your going through. Many of us have been at the point your at right now. I have myself. But it's not the answer. You can get the help you need. I'm here if you want to talk. Remar

[jovitz]

I dont do drugs (i mean medications) i have ablood disorder (regarding my platelets and factor something). i thought of slashing my wrist but i know better that its not quick,(go for the jugular maybe).  its really difficult going through depression where all hopes and sliver of happines escapes the mind and emotion, it feels like being a zombie, dead man (woman) walking. dead in spirit and dead in emotions, except pain and suffering. i cant even cry anymore. i lose weight fast.

[umadam]

you deffenetly need a help.. suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously.

after you consult with doctor you can get accupuncture sessions to help u out.

I am with alternative medicine but in your case where suicidal thoughts exist i wouldn't risk and would go without any delay to get proffessional help!

Good luck

[bernie40]

Consulting a Dr will not take away your "power/authority".  By not addressing your health problems you are letting go of your control.  You can gain back that control when you make positive steps towards getting better.  

A lot of people are reluctant to take anti-depressants but as LeftCoastChick has said you won't necessarily be on them for a long period.

Having suicidal thoughts is very worrying and I would give the same advice as LCC.  Depression can be managed with the right help.

[LeftCoastChick]

. If you've had or having suicidal thoughts, you need to see your doctor as soon as you can. If you feel in any way that you are a danger to yourself, go to your local ER. Suicide is serious, regarless of why you feel this way.

What is so different in adding correct chemicals that are lacking, any more then an epileptic who needs chemicals to rebalance the brain.? Nothing but the stigma we place on ourselves.In times of strife, your brain can be thrown of course, so to speak.  Meds, don't always have to be permanent, dependant on the diagnosis of course, for example, post partum blues, or dealing with a severe amount of pain. I know first hand that when I first had my car accident, the combination of injury and pain, threw me into a deep depression when I was 17.

I know you are venting, but would you like help?