(help) my head won't stop.

[Pat112512]

I posted something a few days ago about my soon to be ex wife. Now I can't get my mind to stop. I already know I did everything I could as a husband but now I'm the one left hurting and asking God why. I have no friends and my family just keeps saying I will get over it. This I know but I can't stop thinking what's next? Why can't I ever be happy? I have started to give up faith that people really care. What happens to us that we can't stay with someone for better or worse and all those vows we took? I'm 40 and this is very depressing.

[brice1967]

"Why can't I ever be happy?"  You can.  You've been happy before.  What I'd suggest is work on you.  Don't allow someone to control all of your happiness.  

You can't control other people, and it is completely reasonable to know that other people CANNOT control you!  Live for you.... do for you... there is happiness in that.  It may come in small doses at first, but celebrate all of those small doses!  Those small doses grow into bigger and bigger deals.

What happened, happened.  Focus on the future and all that can come your way, with your effort.  Focusing on the past will keep you there.  Shift the thoughts....  It happened, it sucked, and it was very, very real.  Allow yourself to grow from here.  This is a learning experience (hell of a way to learn anything, I know) that can dictate all future relationships.

As I said above, work on you.  If you aren't seeing a therapist, you really should consider it.  There is so much help out there, but you have to go after it.  Working on this will be harder than anything you've ever done, but you can recover and move on.

[Beautifulkarma]

I am so sorry you are going through this also. My husband of 23 years had an affair and I took it terrible. How could someone I love so much betray me like that. I filed for divorce and I am trying to move forward. I have to admit the days Do get better one day at a time. I have rollercoaster days , some days good and others I can't even function. I hate to admit it but I tried to hurt myself by OD on anti- anxiety meds. That was the worst idea yet. First of all, when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts , try and find something to preoccupy your mind. If at first it last only a couple of minutes consider yourself a success . As the days go by it will be easier. Days are still hard at times but are a lot fewer than the beginning . Remember your only alone as you make yourself. Take care

[4Maddie44]

I know how hard it is for you at the moment.  My marriage broke up when I was in my 40s after 24 years of marriage.  It does take two to make this happen.  

Both my children are divorced.  When my son's marriage broke up, I was devastated.  However, he is now happily re-married and has two beautiful children and is very happy.

My daughter has found someone else and is very happy too.  We cannot see what is around the corner, but it could be something, and somebody wonderful.

Seems like the end of the world to you now.  It can take a long time to get over this, but you are young and gradually it will not hurt so much.  I know you are saying that you can never be happy again, but I am sure you will be one day.  Please don't think you have nothing to look forward to.  You just don't know what is around the corner.

[mammo]

I am so sorry for all you're enduring, a divorce leaves us with many questions especially about the vows we took.  Thinking about "what's next" is overwhelming, take it one day at a time.  There are still good and caring people out there and you're still young enough to find love and happiness again.  I can promise you the day will come where you'll be so happy in love and will look back on this and know why it had to happen.  I know it hurts, but it does and will get easier.  Don't give up on people and certainly not yourself!  I wish you all the best!