Aa
i can't handle this alone anymore
alright i have been depressed for a long time. i can't even remember a better time. it's like a physical weight every day. i can't imagine living another year. i can't even imagine making it through tomorrow. i am just checked out. suicidal thoughts and planning is a constant. this summer there was a period of time where every day after work i would put a gun in my mouth, unloaded, and just pull the trigger again and again. i have been close lately. every time i start thinking of anything else it is like a fuse blows and resets my mind to the same awful thoughts and feelings. i can't stand talking about it with anyone, so i just haven't. what the hell can i do?
I understand the "fooling everyone" thing. You have to put a smile on your face and pretend everything is normal or peachy. *****!
I feel the same way as you do somedays harold. Little backstory... I'm currently 31 and let me list off somethings.
(1) virgin, never been in a relationship (kissed/hugged/etc)
(2) live alone
(3) no friends
(4) depressed mood, tired all the time, but manage to put on a smile and fool everyone.
Just hang in there and please get some help.. I've felt things you describe and sometimes I feel life is hopefuless. Just talk to someone, get a therapist that really cares about you and start talking.
(1) virgin, never been in a relationship (kissed/hugged/etc)
(2) live alone
(3) no friends
(4) depressed mood, tired all the time, but manage to put on a smile and fool everyone.
Just hang in there and please get some help.. I've felt things you describe and sometimes I feel life is hopefuless. Just talk to someone, get a therapist that really cares about you and start talking.
I've been very low before a few times, and felt everythign you're describing, except playing with the idea of suicide. I guess I have it set in my mind that I would never do that. Anyways, meds help and I feel normal and hopeful and actually can get out and live life again! When you feel as low as you do, you really don't see that you will ever feel better again, but I promise you won't always feel this way. So this future you're imaging is not really bad, it's just that you're perspective is off right now. Believe me try some meds... maybe celexa, lamictal, wellbutrin, lexapro... something. You will snap out of it.
Hi harold.
Counsellors and therapists are always a tricky subject. I think he suggested belly breathing to bring you back into the moment. I understand though that when you are feeling utterly hopeless the suggestion of belly breathing must sound ridiculous.
Some counsellors you may get plon with and some you may not. I was sent to one after a failed suicide attempt. I was undergoing a combination of therapies in different places and i had to be really committed in order to make all my appointments.
You may not know the motive behind what your counsellor is asking you to do but please give it a try for a week and if it does not work then dismiss it.
The belly breathing is a technique used for when your mind is racing and you are out of the present moment. The belly breathing is then supposed to make you aware of your body. Aware of you lungs taking in and expelling air. Of your chest slowly rising and falling. You are supposed to focus on that instead of your thoughts and it is supposed to bring you back into the present moment.
You might want to see a bereavment counsellor? But the first step really is a visit to the doctor to let him know how your feeling. He could get you an appointment somewhere and some antidepressants if you feel you need them.
Talking is a large part of recovery unfortunately. I was something i had to overcome. Sometimes it was as if all the things i wanted to say where trapped in my throat and despite everything i tried they just would not come out. But i cope a lot better now i can discuss my feelings.
You will find a counsellor that suits you but you must go in a little more open minded. When i went i just used to use it to unload everything. Every problem, family fallout, hangups about myself. I let it all out and left it there when my session was over and it felt like a load had been lifted from my shoulder.
Keep in touch if you like. Maddie is a great member here on medhelp and a shining example of how someone can come out the other side of depression thriving once again.
We are all here to help and support you.
Counsellors and therapists are always a tricky subject. I think he suggested belly breathing to bring you back into the moment. I understand though that when you are feeling utterly hopeless the suggestion of belly breathing must sound ridiculous.
Some counsellors you may get plon with and some you may not. I was sent to one after a failed suicide attempt. I was undergoing a combination of therapies in different places and i had to be really committed in order to make all my appointments.
You may not know the motive behind what your counsellor is asking you to do but please give it a try for a week and if it does not work then dismiss it.
The belly breathing is a technique used for when your mind is racing and you are out of the present moment. The belly breathing is then supposed to make you aware of your body. Aware of you lungs taking in and expelling air. Of your chest slowly rising and falling. You are supposed to focus on that instead of your thoughts and it is supposed to bring you back into the present moment.
You might want to see a bereavment counsellor? But the first step really is a visit to the doctor to let him know how your feeling. He could get you an appointment somewhere and some antidepressants if you feel you need them.
Talking is a large part of recovery unfortunately. I was something i had to overcome. Sometimes it was as if all the things i wanted to say where trapped in my throat and despite everything i tried they just would not come out. But i cope a lot better now i can discuss my feelings.
You will find a counsellor that suits you but you must go in a little more open minded. When i went i just used to use it to unload everything. Every problem, family fallout, hangups about myself. I let it all out and left it there when my session was over and it felt like a load had been lifted from my shoulder.
Keep in touch if you like. Maddie is a great member here on medhelp and a shining example of how someone can come out the other side of depression thriving once again.
We are all here to help and support you.
I can understand why you cannot talk to your family as they are grieving. That is surely part of your depression too. So hard to lose a parent.
That counsellor you saw did not seem to be any help. Have you seen a doctor and tried medication? I think just talking to someone about how you feel will help. Perhaps a doctor will suggest therapy, which could also help. You are bottling up so much, and you must release those feelings.
You have started to talk to us here, so that is a start. Because everyone here understands how you are feeling, we are ceretainly the best people to tell about nhow you are feeling. I do hope we can help in some way.
I live thousands of miles away in the UK, but I have made many friends here from other countries. We are all here for each other. Talk to us.
That counsellor you saw did not seem to be any help. Have you seen a doctor and tried medication? I think just talking to someone about how you feel will help. Perhaps a doctor will suggest therapy, which could also help. You are bottling up so much, and you must release those feelings.
You have started to talk to us here, so that is a start. Because everyone here understands how you are feeling, we are ceretainly the best people to tell about nhow you are feeling. I do hope we can help in some way.
I live thousands of miles away in the UK, but I have made many friends here from other countries. We are all here for each other. Talk to us.
i tried going to a counselor once a couple years ago, but he recommended belly breathing exercises after i told him about the kinds of feelings i was having. belly breathing. i haven't seen anyone since. i can't talk to my family about this. since my father passed away a couple months ago my brother and sister have been wrecks, so my mother and i have had help them. now i am back where i work on the other side of the country. telling them would only scare them. i can't even imagine talking to anyone.
Many people on this site feel as you do now - honestly. I myself have, many times. We have to find the strength to fight this illness. Talk to us here, and we will try and help as best we can.
Over 20 years of depression, I have found the daily strength to fight another day. I know it is not easy, and at the moment you think it is impossible - but don't let depression win. It takes everything from us, and I know we feel it is easier to let go and give in. Find peace where we can't find it now.
I hope you have spoken to professionals about this and have been prescribed medication? I hope so. You can't fight it by yourself. Talk to friends and relatives about how you feel. One in five people have depression. Many will not admit it to others because they feel ashamed - especially men. You can't climb out of this dark hole by yourself. You need support.
We on this site will support you all we can. I am 72 years old, and as I said, I have been fighting depression for a long time. I am now feeling well enough to try and do without antidepressants. When I joined this site I was suicidal too - believe me. But here I am glad that the overdose I took didn't work. That I have lived to see my family grow. They know all about my mental problems, and are a great support. Do you have support of family? It helps.
I admire that you can still work. When my depression was bad I could not work at all, and had so much time off, I lost a house because I could not pay the mortgage. I was in a mental hospital for a time. Every time I have gone "down" I have clawed my way back.
Each day is a mountain to climb, I know. Tomorrow seems a million miles away. It is so easy to just lie down and give in. So very easy. We have all wanted to do that. But if you have family think how devastated they would be if you did pull that trigger. How guilty they would feel that they did not do anything to help. And they cannot help unless you discuss how you feel with them.
Go to a doctor, ask to see a psychiatrist. Ask for therapy and medication if you think it would help. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT. You will be surprised where you find the strength to do this.
Keep "talking" to us. Don't try to do this by yourself. That heavy weight will lift one day if you help yourself. You are not alone in how you think. Read other posts on this site and see how many people are struggling just like you. Depression is a cruel illness.
Keep in touch please.
Over 20 years of depression, I have found the daily strength to fight another day. I know it is not easy, and at the moment you think it is impossible - but don't let depression win. It takes everything from us, and I know we feel it is easier to let go and give in. Find peace where we can't find it now.
I hope you have spoken to professionals about this and have been prescribed medication? I hope so. You can't fight it by yourself. Talk to friends and relatives about how you feel. One in five people have depression. Many will not admit it to others because they feel ashamed - especially men. You can't climb out of this dark hole by yourself. You need support.
We on this site will support you all we can. I am 72 years old, and as I said, I have been fighting depression for a long time. I am now feeling well enough to try and do without antidepressants. When I joined this site I was suicidal too - believe me. But here I am glad that the overdose I took didn't work. That I have lived to see my family grow. They know all about my mental problems, and are a great support. Do you have support of family? It helps.
I admire that you can still work. When my depression was bad I could not work at all, and had so much time off, I lost a house because I could not pay the mortgage. I was in a mental hospital for a time. Every time I have gone "down" I have clawed my way back.
Each day is a mountain to climb, I know. Tomorrow seems a million miles away. It is so easy to just lie down and give in. So very easy. We have all wanted to do that. But if you have family think how devastated they would be if you did pull that trigger. How guilty they would feel that they did not do anything to help. And they cannot help unless you discuss how you feel with them.
Go to a doctor, ask to see a psychiatrist. Ask for therapy and medication if you think it would help. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT. You will be surprised where you find the strength to do this.
Keep "talking" to us. Don't try to do this by yourself. That heavy weight will lift one day if you help yourself. You are not alone in how you think. Read other posts on this site and see how many people are struggling just like you. Depression is a cruel illness.
Keep in touch please.
i really need help fast. i know it's bad but i don't even think i can make it through today.
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