is it mental illness

I've been recalling the all the behavioural signs of my H. and as I read all posts here i've been trying to educate myself and reach for an answer . Since I ment my H and we become engage he has this tendency of just disappearing and and will just get in contact when he is u can say like normal. You will hear from her sister that he is not coming home. He stays in the hotel. Those times he reason out to me that he wants to have his own flat but they dont let him. Until we got married it happens once in a while. sometimes only for a day and his reason is because he is drunk.
But there were times that he dissapear for a month ,not goin home,not goin for job (he was working with his faher)until his father found him in one flat took him back home and he dont have any reason as why he just alienate himself from his family .He will not even bother even for one time to say if his family are not worrying. He is hot tempered,perfectionist ,easily gets annoyed not aceepting mistakes. He is suspicious with others as well as with me,
I love him so much that I went on living with him until this years. He dont get a stable job. He always leave the job if there is something goes out on his way.I can not confront him he is becoming irrational or will just walk away . The time his father died he became worse days of disappearing had increase and continous. I think I had enough. I mentin to him one time that he needs to go for consultation but he just get nervous. I dont know if he have this depression or itsthe effect only of alcohol and marijuana. He even have a history of taking coc but he stop on that.Alcohol and marijuana is still continous taken and I can say heavy. My question is You think he is depressed or is he an addict,or both.Please give advise I want to help this men but I know that it should come from him that he is willing to go for help.

[LeftCoastChick]

I personally think it's both a mood disorder and drug/alcohol addiction. If he he isn't willing to get help and stay "present" in the home, you have to consider your own mental health and whether you are willing to put up with his paranoia, which may or may not be caused by the drugs and./or mental illness. . If you do stay, then you are facilitating his behaviours. I also suggest you get into counselling or go to AL-ANON. Why would you stay with someone who doesn't care about your feelings?  I'm speaking from experience here. Addicts don't care about anything but themselves, they are very ego-centric, they get their "fix" and that's it.

I have a good friend, who started smoking pot about 3 yrs ago, she is an ex,but we got past that, and she became my best friend. She started going out with someone who is a chronic pot smoker. She started off small, then had to have a joint to get up in the morn, one to get through the day, one on the way home, then some before bed. I told her she was addicted, and she said you can't get addicted to pot. Total bull pucks.  She's on anti-depressants, but the pot has totally changed her moods. She blames her AD not working and not her chronic pot use. She's cranky all the time, especially when she runs out, and has to wait until pay day. She's rude, impulsive and thinks everything is a criticism. I asked if she was around me, NOT to smoke pot but you can tell if she just smoked it, she smells bad, even the dental hygenist and my dentist's office can't  stand working next to her. . She gets twitchy, and we don't hang out for long periods of time. I love my friend, but I don't like her now I've had to set boundaries, really firm ones.
We share two dogs, so we switch on and off who takes care of them. If we didn't have the dogs, I would have nothing to do with her.  My brother is an addict too, we rarely talk.

So I hope this helps, at least where you are at.

Keep in touch,
LCC