life

i'm 22 yrs old i've tried 2 kill  myself god knows how many times my mom thinks its a cry 4 attention its not i dont wanna be here anymore and the one person who makes life good for me just left me all this started when i was 12 my grandma who raised me died from cancer i lost all faith in humanity then and a few months ago i got close to a guy who was there for me no matter what and he just moved a few days ago for work now i'm back in that dark hole i call my life i didnt even want to get out of bed this morning i wish i would've died instead of my grandma i guess i'm just venting now if anyone has any ideas how i can help myself cope with this i would appreciate any advice thanks

[MMahon]

It sounds like you are suffering from depression.  Inevitable life events frequently trigger what's called a 'major depressive episode'. I believe many people inherit depressive disorder and it rears it's ugly head when significant life events occur, especially the painful ones. Everyone's treatment is different but usually a combination of medication and therapy is considered the most effective.
Have you ever sought treatment for depression? You don't have to go on feeling as bad as you do.  You can learn how to go on with life and find purpose and happiness and many of us need help in accomplishing this.  Life has it's joyful events as well as it's sad ones and it's a part of life to experience both of them, learn from them and take each day as it comes.
You are young and have many good things to look forward to but just may need a bit of help experiencing them.  Take care.

[coachherron]

I once felt the way you did. I am a pro fighter who was once on the downside of my career and life, but after taking therapy and being on meds it has helped tremendously. I have been on medication for three years now and each year the meds have been lightened. For real you need to see someone to talk to at least weekly. See if there is a group because I joined one once I got everything back in place. Yeah it ***** having people leave you, but it ***** just as bad if you were to leave.

[mammo]

Suicide is never the answer, and may take you to a darker place.  I know sometimes life just seems to be full of disappointments, but what's important is that we learn something from our experiences. You need to seek help in dealing with all this so you can get your life back. You do have a purpose on this earth, and the thing your grandma wants for you more than anything is for you to be happy.  Live a life that makes her proud!  Journal your feelings, this is very therapeutic and will make you feel better.  You've taken the first big step by sharing with us, and we're happy you found us!  We all understand and care, and are always here to listen, and offer support.  As a child, you had no choices in life, now you do.  Decide to no longer be a victim of the past and make a life for yourself.  I've been where you are due to losing many loved ones, and we just have to be strong and know that better times are ahead.  You are too young to be feeling this way, so get the help you need. If your mother isn't taking you seriously, write a letter to her, often when we read something we hear everything that the words are saying.  But it really doesn't matter, it's all about you and what you need to do to get yourself in a better state of mind. Life is full of ups and downs, the downs make us appreciate the ups! You can have the life you want and deserve, take the next step of getting help and go from there.  I wish you all the best and know you can do this!  Take care.

[j17c27]

It definitly sounds like you have depression.  I also have tried to kill myself, but right now im telling you its NOT the right thing to do.  You are here right now for a reason.  And you might spend your whole life finding out what that reason is...but you need to go out there and find it.  Do everything you want to...dont let depression hold you back.  You only have so many years on this earth...I know life is soooo hard sometimes...and things get thrown at you that you dont think you can handle..but without a doubt each day the sun rises and life goes on. Make what you can of it...because no one makes it out alive anyways.