lost all hope

[kelliebellie]

Im tired of fighting this disease.Im tired of feeling sick from the meds that  never seem to work. Tired of being miserable day in and day out. Tired of getting my hopes up of feeling better and then getting them dashed.Tired of being anxious over stupid stuff. tired o fnot being the person I want to be. Tired of being trappeed. Tired of living like this. Just so tired and all my hope is gone.........

[HVAC]

I used to think Bipolar was the worst then I got Multiple Sclerosis. Now my immune system is eating my brain. It is incurable and crippling. My depression is much worse. I now find joy in the small things like being able to walk or move. Today I can't lift my arm. I am an artist and may lose my vision or the ability to see color any day. I am hopeful. I can either feel really bad or make the best of things. I choose to make the best of things. I have punished myself enough for one life time.

There is always hope.
Alex

[whodunnit]

Hey Kellie,

So sorry you're in that state right now. It does seem like it will never end and there's nothing but misery ahead.

Your hope has not gone at all, it's just overwhelmed today by all the negative thoughts that are beating you up inside.

One thing I might suggest to you is that while we should never give up hope, I too felt it was gone many times, perhaps it's acceptable to lower our goals for a while.

Instead of trying a new med and expecting everything to be fixed, hope instead that you start to feel a bit better and that you recognise it as such. I know when I came back up from my worst time my partner told me I felt better.

Can't tell you how shocked I was when she said that. My reaction was as you'd expect, "What the **** are you talking about?"

What she saw was my face had relaxed, the grim reaper look had gone and she saw it. I didn't feel it until she told me and I checked. So I had felt better but was so stuck in that pattern that without someone saying I may have missed it and given up.

You understand what I'm saying? We need other feedback than just our own to know if we are going up or down etc. Maybe you need to see your doc more often? Some I know only  visit when we think the meds need changing etc. Not so.

Can I ask if you've done Effexor? At higher doses? It worked for me from suicide row but I had to do high doses, prescribed by a pdoc only. Plus lithium. Reason I ask is this med addresses both depression and anxiety.

You've probably tried it but I'm interested in the doseage you hae if you did. Of course you needn't reply here, maybe just discuss with your doc?

HVAC, My heart goes out to you, it really does. I don't know where you get the strength to face things like you have to. I can tell you what I'd do and you know that.

The thing is though HVAC no matter how much you or I have to bear what someone else is feeling and experiencing is worse as that's what they are experiencing. I could relate my story here and have people running for shelter but I won't as it's me addressing their feelings that counts. I too use my background a lot as you might have seen and sometimes I say too much so it looks like I'm writing about me only. I try to be aware of that but some days...

I guess that's my way of saying nothing you or I suffer or achieve means a thing to the person who is feeling what they do. Nor does our attitude. It's what we can find to say that addresses what they feel that matters HVAC.

Please, tale it easy and don't take what I've written as anything but someone recognising your burning desire to help by showing the way. There's just a time and place for all approaches really.

My warmest feelings

Whodunnit.