lost in this huge world alone

hello.....well everything all started when i was 15 i lost my favorite uncle and i seen how bad it effected everyubody else i became stong to support them and once they was feeling better they assumed i was and kept going on with there thife i never had time to grieve and then my mom passes away 2 years and 6 days after my uncle passes and she was the town mom everyone called her mom but i did the same thing and helped everybody else and not me and same thing happened no one had seen me break down so they thought i was all ready over it and than last year my grandfather and grandmother pass away 5 days apart and at the time i was over in iraq and when i got back my family told me and i halped everybody else through it and never delt with it and no my other grandfather is in the hospital fighting for his life and last night it all just came and hit me when i started crying because i dont want to loose my grandfather i cant lose him he is all i have left. well i picked up my knife and thought maybe i should do what i use to do so i dont cry or have to deal with the pain anymore and i cut myself. everytime i get upset i want to just cut deeper and deeper until there is nothing left to cut. do i have a problem? and is there anyway i can move on without facing the fact that i lost them and not have to deal with the pain????

[rls27]

I know it's tremendously painful to lose everyone you ever loved and who ever loved you. Especially at such a young age.

One thing you need to ask yourself:  how would your loved ones who have passed, and your grandfather, want you to live your life from this point forward? What do you think their message to you would be about how you should live the rest of your life?

Death teaches us that life is important, and that we haven't got forever to do the things we love and enjoy. If nothing else, learn that lesson from their passing. Don't worry, your day will come, hopefully after you've had a chance to achieve your goals and fulfill some dreams. Do you think they'd want that for you?

Take some time to grieve. During that time, indulge yourself in the things you enjoy most. Live your life and make a promise to them and yourself that you won't hurt yourself. That's not what they would want for you.

Let these experiences make you stronger. You have a perspective on life that not everyone has lived through. You've gone through the worst that this life has to offer up to this point. Use that to your advantage. The next time you're faced with a serious life challenge, draw upon this experience and tell yourself that you've been through worse, and you can handle anything life throws at you.

Think of where you want to be a year from now, five years from now, etc. Then, when you've got some of your emotional strength back, start working towards those goals. Whether they are career goals, education goals, self fulfillment (travel, adventure, hobby etc), start pursuing them and don't let anything or anyone stand in your way.