Depression Community
maddie44
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maddie44

i wrote you and didnt get an answer .  it doesnt matter you are real busy working with people that deserve your help.  i feel so lonely.  seems like i am taking out my flustration on you all.  im sorry.  ive been crying all night.  i feel i am getting close to the end.  my niece doesnt seem to care just says im sorry.  closes her door but doesnt listen or bother to check on me.  she is more concerned about her jessica and logan.  i miss them and love them too.  she eats but usually doesnt ask me if i want anything unless she wants take out.  i have tp pay.  maybe im being selfish.  i have really hard cramps running fever and stay so tired.  i dont want to bother anyone.  im sorrry for being a problem.  i hope your problems get better.  if im saround i will write to you just about you.  my life is in such a mess.  gloria789
18 Comments Post a Comment
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If you wrote to me, did I not reply?  I am very sorry if that is the case.  I hate to upset people.  I live alone, and am often lonely too.  I understand how you are feeling.  I have been there so many times in all the years I have had depression.

Recently I have been low and like you, have been ranting a bit and possibly taking out on others, as I get irritable and cross when low.  Usually I am a very placid person.  I hate myself a lot of the time.

Please don't cry all night.  When I cry I get terrible headaches, and feel so bad.  I often get migraines, and have arthritis as well, so we all have things to content with.  You are not alone in your suffering.

I only want to help, believe me.  I am not busy helping others, I want to reply to everyone.  I try to use kind words, but I know sometimes I come across as blunt.  Sorry.

You are not bothering anyone.  Medhelp is here to help everyone.  All our lives are a mess.  You are not alone.  I have been very very ill with depression.  I have taken an overdose, and I have been in a psychiatric hospital.  I have seen numerous counsellors, pshychiatrists, psychologists in the 20 odd years I have had severe depression.  I do understand how you feel.  That does not stop me trying to "talk" to others.  No one is too much bother.  You may be alone, but we are here always.  You are not a problem, believe me.  You do not need to apologise for how you feel.  

Depression is a cruel illness that takes us over.  Take care and keep posting.  
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Maddie is an angel on this forum, she truly is.
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So true NG.

Gloria, we all understand your pain. Do not taking it personally that Maddie did not reply, she is a lovely understanding woman and I highly doubt that she would have ignored you intentionally.

MedHelp is a great place and you will find a lot of understanding here, but you have branch out more to feel the full benefits of this great place, do not just rely on Maddie. You are never alone on here. There are people here with varying experiences about their depression and they can help and relate to you also. Make the most of your resources here.

I'm always here if you need me, just add me for a chat Gloria. Take care!
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thank you i was having a real rough week.  i am sorry i stirred all of you up.  im sorry.  my emotions got the best of me.  i get griped if i do something and griped if i dont do anything.  im sp tired i dont know what to do.  maybe i should be put away somewhere.  im not like this all the time.  im going through some rough problems.  once again tell 2maddie44 im sorry i have already told her but tell everyone else .  the crazy old lady lost it.   gloria789
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  the reason i wrote to you you seem to know what is going on.  i felt like you might try to help.  i wouldnt have wrote if i didnt think you were one of the best.  gloria789
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I wouldn't go as far as to say that everyone's life is a mess here.  I would say that we are all afflicted/affected by varying degrees of depression or mental illness, but that doesn't equate to a mess in my opinion.

One thing that I've learned with this (my depression) is that I am not the only one affected by my depression, nor am I the center of the universe.  I learned that other people do have lives too and that I have to respect that as well.  I also learned that I had to take responsibility for the way I was feeling, and I had to be proactive in order to get any help or any sign of relief.

Regardless of who tired to help, if I was not 100 % connected to what was going on in my life, and if I was not going to be on board 100% with trying to get through this, nobody in the world could help me.

I'm not trying to be mean, please understand me Gloria.  Try to look at this from your nieces perspective.  You said, "she doesn't seem to care".  That is YOUR perspective.  Her perspective might look a little like, "I'm really concerned about my aunt.  I've tried to help.  I've offered suggestions, I've offered to do other things, but none of it seems to do any good."  

Try to remember that your niece is in a bit of a position as well.  She is probably not a trained clinician and can only offer to do what she can do.  I'd bet that she's worried sick about you....  I'd imagine that if she could, she'd take you depression away....  part of that is your job.  

You need to keep on track with your therapist/doctor and do your homework.  You need to try to take accountability for your own getting better, because it doesn't come without that work....

All of this stuff is so scarey, and you do feel so alone with this.  That's why we are here at Med Help... we are in this struggle too.  We understand where you're at and we know what its like to be at or near the bottom, trying to look up.  This is all doable, Gloria.  And, we all have the strength to fight this.  Some days are always going to be better than others, and that also goes for people who are not clinically depressed.  That is just a harsh reality.... with us depressed folks, the harder days seem to be more prevalent than others.  We know.... we know all too well what that looks like.

Nothing about this battle is easy.  There is so much to learn and so many things to look at.  Things that aren't easy to admit, like being vulnerable, being "weak" (I hate to use that term, "weak"), being lonely.... all of that is hard to do, and scarey!!!  WE tend to worry about what others will think.... kind of silly really, because if we cant love ourselves, can't trust ourselves, who are we going to love and trust?

You've got help and friends here, Gloria.  Vent.... this is a great place for it, and be ready to look at things from the other perspectives that your friends here will share with you.  

Best to you!
Brice
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  my niec e moved in to help me.  i bought her  a new truck and her daughter a new kia.  i pay all the bills medical and food and clothes.  they do sometimes say thanks.  they just keep wanting more nothing i have is good enough form them.  we raised our little boy for 5 years.  she decided to move ti houston.  we miss them sooooo much.  but she had to grow up.i have to send her 100,00 everytime they come see us a couple of days.  my nest egg is going fast.  im really scared.  my hubby left me so i would be ok.  he died with a heart attack. we had to have a car port, nre carpet you name it she had to have it nothing i had was good.  i had antiques.  she calls them junk.  oh well  im tired.  gloria789
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To be singled out by name as someone who does not listen or care has really hurt me.  I think I had not better post here again if I upset you so much.
I was told off for venting here Brice by moderator, I was told the place to do that was in a journal.  My post was removed because I said I was having a "rant,"

I cannot do anything right can I.  Cheerio everyone.  The last thing I want to do is upset people.
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To be singled out by name as someone who does not listen or care has really hurt me

OK...some tough love coming.....hold on to your britches.

You are way overreacting about this, maddie.  Gloria was having a rough moment, and said some things that MANY of us took offense to.  If you read her OP, she actually has some wonderful things to say about you and how you help so many people.  She has admitted many times that she was wrong, and has apoloigized several times.  It's time to let it go.  You are not in a great place right now, so you're overly sensitive and feeling vulnerable.

No one wants you to stop posting, maybe you just need to give yourself a little break, or learn how to take a step back before you just post and react.  I've had my fair share of posts pulled by the mods, and rightly so.  Some of them SHOULD have probably been pulled, but weren't.

Brice gave some excellent advice above, about us all needing to have accountability for our words and actions.  That goes for a place like this too.  I've told you before, I think you're amazing...VERY compassionate and caring, you have helped so many people here.

Don't let ONE incident, that was clearly just an overreaction on BOTH of your parts, take that away from you, or from us.  Take a deep breath, maybe sit out the forum for a while...a day, or two, whatever you need, and then come back with a little more perspective.  From now on, when you see something that angers you...instead of a knee jerk reaction of some anger, think a little about what you're going to type, then proofread it a few times.  Ask yourself if YOU were on the receiving end of your post, how it would make you feel?  Would it be helpful?  

You're a gem, and the funny part is, you and gloria have a lot in common, both with age and the depression.  Gloria was posting also as a knee-jerk reaction, because she felt hurt.  She has apologized.  Time for everyone to put this behind them and get back to doing what we do best...helping others.

(((((Big Hugs)))))
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I really think this should be put to bed now. It does not need dissected any further.
Both you ladies are in bad places right now and very sensitive at the moment which is completely understanding. Gloria you have apologised enough now and I'm sure there's a lesson to be learnt from all this by everyone.
I think any further comments would just make things worse, especially for Maddie as she already feels judged enough I think. If I had been singled on here out of the blue for no reason known to me I would also have been upset, offended and quit embarressed and I think Maddie is completely just in her reaction. To lose her from MedHelp would be somewhat of a travesty.

It is so easy to type away on our computers without thinking what weve written before pushing the button and saying things that can't be unsaid. I think we've all learned that we need to realise that we all have feelings, they can be hurt but we have to be more diplomatic and take things with a pinch of salt.

Gloria, you are not alone, we're all here for you.
Maddie, do not question you're worth on here you're a star and I'd be lost without you, please don't leave us.

Take care both of you ladies, now lets just put this behind us.
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i want bother any of you again.  i would not want anyone to feel the way i do.  being all ganged up on i get this everyday.  so tell maddie to keepon being the wonderful person she is.  no need for everyone to suffer becausef a stupid old lady.  no one wants. ope all of you recover and have a wonderful life.  i dont need this it is putting be back to the beginning.  i thought i was doing better.  but boy was i wrong.  like i was always told since i was a kid.  i cant do anything right.  now i know they were right.  by by  gloria789
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Hey let's not upset each other.  Let it pass.  We need each other, and we got a bit heated.  You know I care about you.  

We are not ganging up on you.  I just felt upset that you had actually singled me out and posted my name as a question.  Never mind dear, water under the bridge.  We are both touchy, silly old dears aren't we?

Keep posting, you need to keep in touch with us.  I honestly didn't mean to upset you and I know you did not mean to upset me.  Lets let it go.

Look I, like you are touchy, but that does not mean we can't be friends.  Yes you are doing better because you have reached out to us.  All of us care about you.  We both think we can't do right.  Not true, we are just suffering from depression and we see things in a negative light.

I care about you and please don't desert me, I would feel so bad if you did.  I would feel ten times worse that you were leaving the site because of something I said, or didn't say.

Bless you my dear, and I promise you we can be friends and get on well.  Just a setback, but we both know that we did each other's support.

Big hug and take care.
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i was so upset i thought i was going to take you away from what you are really good at.  that is why i wrote to you i knew you were the best.  i didnt mean to upset you i would love to be your friend.  friends at my age are hard to find.  most of my friends have died are in bad health.  i hope we will be friends.  never considering leaving something you are so good at.  god bless you we need more people in the world like you.   im truly sorry gloria789
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Hey, I am so glad we can be friends.  Well that is wonderful.  Now we can help each other.  I do not like upsetting people, or being upset.  I am very touchy, and depression does take away a lot of feelings.

I know I am luckier than you in my family circumstances.  No need to apologise.  I know you are a really nice person who is going through a bad time.  

We must support each other.  I promise kind words from now on.  Now stop that crying, and "talk" to me.  There that's better.  

God bless.  Take care.  I am thinking about you.
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Don't forget to accept my friendship invitation.  I've sent one again  as you did not accept last time.  You said it would be nice to have a friend.  We are thousands of miles apart but that does not stop us being friends.

Take care
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dont know how to find where to accept you as a friend>  gloria789   kind of dumb huh  haha
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Swabes has asked to be your friend too.  You should get an e-mail saying you have a friendship invitation.  Click on that link and it will take you to a place that says you have a Friendship Invitation.  All you have to do is accept or reject that invitation.

Have a look through your e-mails and see if there is one that says you have a friendship invitation on MedHelp.
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You can also go to your home page.  On any page, on the top, you will see "My MedHelp".  Hover your mouse over that until four options come up.  Select "Home".  That will take you to the page with all of your friend invitations, updates, posts, etc.  You will see near top left friend invitationa.  If you click on that, it will bring the list of people who have requested your friendship.  You just have to go down the list and click on "accept" for whomeever you want on your friend list.

You have a "profile" option on that list too.  That's where you can enter info on your profile for others to see.  Your location, age, sex, and a little blurb about yourself, your interests, what brought you to MH, etc.

Once you gather up friends, you will start seeing updates about their activitiy on the site.  Some people really like that feature, others, not so much.  If you're not real into computers or social-type sites (like facebook), then you probably won't care about the friend feature.  It won't affect your ability to post/read, either way.  The only thing it would affect is your ability to view some parts of other member's profile, like their photos, journals, etc, as some people have the settings set so that only their "friends" can view those items.
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