maybe i'm over reacting

maybe it is my imagination, but i can't help but feel trapped and worthless. let me explain a bit.
      1) thrue all of my life(26 years) every time my mother get angry(with me or other with), she would tell me "you look just like your father".  she hated him as much as posibil to hate any one. (he died few years ago)
      2) she was alwayse busy. usually busy with men. after all she had 5 hasbands.
      3) after her last marriage she had a boy(i was 10) and she started havilly drinking. so i had to raise him - litteraly. after 7 years of that. her + her husband + her son move to the USA.  so she starts to spoil the boy(he is 15 and still gets everything he wants whyle i support myself complitly).
      4) 7years ago she made me to come to the staes, so i could earn money to suport their habbits. but after 3 years being in states i finaly got away frm those people.
thrue all those years many things of mental and physical abuse has happened(which i didn't inclde in the story). i can't help but to feel wortless, nesty, disgustd with myself. years ago i almoust killed myself. i should have killed them all 14 years ago. but now i can't help but want to kill myself. i have no friends(i lost my only  friend when i movedto the states). i'm all the time in fear(fear of people and any kind of pain). i'm single(obviosly) - so i have no one to live fore. i have disappointed my grandmothers with everything i have done. i am worthless.

[esmer69]

dont feel that way their is a reason for u to be her you just need to focuse on yourself not on no one els try doing thinks u like and for get what every one thinks of you u .you never what can happend in the world could change when ever u want  and dont feel worthless reach your goals and never feel alone you could have friends if u want to look at every thing u have accouplesh for the pass years dosent the could for some thing.

[Anneinside]

You sound like you are in crisis. Please consider going to the ER for help. After that, if you don't have one, get a psychologist/therapist to help you deal with your past and learn to love yourself.