mother/daughter abuse

[banana33]

I recently have lost my father to cancer. In a quick explanation I was the only child of 6 children in the family that stepped up to the plate and looked after anything and everything to help my mom and dad during this difficult time.All decisions being made were very well informed and on the best interest of my mom who would eventually be without dad. My parents were married 52 years. My mother has always been very, very controlling,manipulating,blunt,nasty,jeleous,judgemental of all of her children.Since my fathers death she turned against any decisions made, has gone against dads wishes and undone everything to the point of causing reationships to be unbearable,financial sabbatoge.I have not had any communication with my mom for 9 months now,my phone number had to be unlisted do to her calling up to 20 times a day, I do not go to the door when she arrives at my home,she continues to lie to my other sibblings about things that never happened regarding us. I could write a book about the emotional abuse that has gone on my entire life of 45years. I am seeking couselling and have been encouraged to have no contact with her.I visualize and have dreams of my mother dead and not feeling anything for her but hate.Now I live with the guilt, loss of both parents in my mind and mostly the anger I feel towards such an unfit mother. My husband and daughter are to the point of not wanting to hear about the pain I feel and couselling/support groups still leave me feeling hopeless and trapped within my own feelings of abuse,abandonement,grief.What do I do to lead a fullfilling life without my mom and anger in my life.

[mammo]

From what you say, your mother has always been this way, so she is not going to change now.  Sometimes we have to walk away from people who are toxic to us, and this may be what you have to do.  You have your own family now, and this is where to put all your effort.  Your mother obviously has always had some serious issues which she has never dealt with, and has taken it out on you and your siblings.  You did the best you could, and she has singled you out because you appear to be the only one who cared. I had very much the same type of childhood, and I just had to disconnect from them, for my own sanity.  Often family can and will hurt us more than anyone else, when we should be the last.  I think my upbringing made me the person I became and for this I'm grateful.  So, although I was treated differently than my siblings, it made me a better stronger person.  I had to lay down the anger and walk away, putting all my effort into raising my 3 children and making sure they had a wonderful life, and always knew they were loved.  I know it's difficult when it's your mother, but all of this is ruining your life, and it's just not worth it!  Let her do as she pleases and stay out of it and away from her.  It's time to stop being a victim, and move on.  I did and never looked back.  Feel free to PM if you want to talk or just vent, I do understand. I wish you all the best, and take care.

[iris986]

I disowned my own mother after years of sexual abuse from my stepfather and now that he is passed she still refuses to accept what he did to us. My life is peaceful now. My mother has called me a liar for 30 years and I just got tired of it.

[smartass123]

Hi I am sorry for all that happened to you and I can understand being the brunt of manipulation and bluntness of your mom. No counselling can help unless you change your thought process. The fact that your mom comes back to talk and meet you shows that there is affection. Just look at things from your mom's point of view may be she feels controlled? May be she wants to have control over her life and take decisions herself? Why don't you just take her at face value, just love her dont give any suggestions or say that she has taken wrong decisions. Many times people say something but mean something else. Think of the at least one incident in your life when she has stood by you. When ever you feel anger and hatred let that thought replace them. Your family needs you so let that be priority.

take care