my daughter

[April2]

How can I tell if my daughter is depressed or bipolar or what? I'm going to get her evaluated but it could take months before I get her in. Her counselor keeps saying he thinks her depression is situational, but I don't know. She's had a horrible year this last year, but seems a little better since we got her into counseling. She's 15 now. I don't like the idea of meds unless there is no other way. I've heard stories about teenagers and meds and how the side effects can make things worse.
She says she's been depressed since she was 12 but only this last year did things get bad.

Over the course of this year:

We found a suicide note last september and found out she was cutting. We immediately got her into counseling.
She's been cutting off and on for at least a year. Some of the scars are pretty bad. She hasn't cut in at least a month.
She's drawn some pretty scary, dark, sad pictures and written poems that are very disturbing.
She has told us she thought she was crazy or demon possesed. She used to see shadows in her room and hear voices. This of course is pretty feaky to us, but being a Christian family we know that there is a spiritual world so we're unsure what she has actually experienced. The interesting thing is since we prayed and got a lot of others to pray, these things disappeared.
She has an explosive temper and can be out of control when angry, yet can be so sweet and loving too. She is very good with her little brother and our pets.
She used to be active in sports but the last year or so has not been able to play because of her grades. She has gained at least 10 pounds and is eating more especially sweets, mostly out of boredom I think. She still looks pretty good. I haven't said anything to her. I just know how easy it can be to gain weight and how hard it is to lose it again!
She seems to want to do better in some ways, but is so easily influenced by her peers. I worry about some of her friends and missplaced loyalty. I talk to her all the time!
I'm pretty sure she's not doing drugs but she has tried cigerettes.
I'm pretty sure she's not having sex, although I'm not so sure she wouldn't try it given the chance. We keep a pretty close watch on her.
I try to talk to her about good choices and to not let people mistreat her. She's been hurt pretty badly by her peers. She has hardened herself in a way because of it. Yet, she gives all of her heart to those she thinks love her.
She's so intense with everything! When she thinks she's in love, it's intense. When she's angry, it's intense. Is this pretty normal teenage behavior?
We've just all been under such stress this last year because of my daughter. I haven't even told everything here. We want peace in our home of course, but I just want her to be happy and at peace with herself. She has such a low self esteem. Her peers have hurt her badly. She won't believe us when we say how pretty she is. And she is! She's gorgeous. I don't know how she doesn't see it. Everytime I see her cut herself, my heart breaks. She's scarring herself up and she doesn't care. I've already got her into counseling. I don't know what else to do! I keep reading these scary stories about side effects from meds. I wish there was just some way to get through to her. Sometimes I think we need to just give this time. She'll do better when she's matured a little. She is pretty immature, I think. She's got to know we care. I don't know what else I can do except keep talking to her, which I do. Sometimes I think she listens, other times I know she doesn't.
She can explode in her temper out of the blue too. Could this be bipolar? It seems like she is so intense and takes things way out of proportion. How do I help her?
My husband isn't much help. I think he's given up. He doesn't want to deal with it. He tends to just shut down. So this has been a strain on our marraige too. I just want her to be a happy kid again. I told her the other night that I missed the way she used to be. I miss how close we used to be when she was younger. I miss my little girl. She came out of her room later and walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around me and said she was sorry. Just when I think the worst, she always gives me these little bits of hope.

[April2]

Hi, thanks. I just feel so alone right now. I can't even talk to my husband about my feelings. I try and he just walks away or doesn't say anything. I feel like I'm on my own with my daughter, and I worry so much. I always feel like my stomach is tied up in knots. I wanted to write to the docs on this forum but it always says it's full. I just don't know how much is normal and what isn't. I feel like my whole life is consumed with her now. I can't even enjoy anything else right now. I worry about her so much. It scares me the way she thinks sometimes. I look at her and think how'd I get a kid so different from me? She makes it difficult to get close to. I think a lot of this stuff she gets from her peers. Still I worrry. Thanks for writing back.

[Venora Moonwind]

Hi sis I am glad you wrote. your daughter may be bi polar but it will take a proper evaluation to tell for sure. How are you holding up? I know it is hard for you but dont forget to take sometime for yourself ok?  teen years are difficult at best in the best of circumstances. My daughters turned into monsters o and we went through much counseling.
Hang in there and I will pray you get to a doc soon so she can get the help she needs.
Love Venora