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need urgent help/advice with girfriends depression and medication?
My girlfriend of a year and a half has been living with me for close to 8 months. When she first moved in it was all fine it seemed even though she said shes been suffering with it for a long time. after a few months she was having severe depression screaming at the top of her lungs crying almost every single night i was doing all i could to comfort her n make her happy. eventually i took her to a doctor and they prescribed her Desvenlafaxine MR. This medication was THE WORST, she was having split personalities and when i confronted her about things she would laugh histerically and had not one shred of emotion or care about me or herself on this medication, and when she snapped back into her old self every now and then she would cry because she doesnt know who she is in that mindset and knows she hurts me alot when like that. i eventually got her off those and the doctor has just put her on Valdoxan. since the changeover 2-3 weeks ago she has constantly been angry at me and when she calms down she cries and doesnt know why its happening, i take her out every weekend and do all the things she wants to do no matter the cost to try take her mind off things and at the end of the day shes always angry at me for no apparant reason. I just feel stuck, the only person i care about in the whole world i cant make happy no matter how hard i try, i really need some help/advice on what i should do. this is severly effecting our relationship as it is also taking a big toll on me, i work 12 hours a day in construction and have to come home to my girlfriend starting fights and pushing me away for no reason after hard long days of work and since this has all happened my co-workers have noticed im more withdrawn and show signs of depression myself. HELP!!!!
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If your girlfriend wasn't doing anything about this and was denying it, I'd tell you to bail, because you can't fix her.  She has a disease and you're not a doctor.  But in this case, she's at the very beginning of treatment.  Drugs are not easy to take, hard to stop taking, and hard to find one that works.  You also don't mention if she's seeing a talk therapist of any kind, trying to solve this.  But there's a possibility from what you're describing that this isn't garden variety depression, it could be something more severe, such as bipolar disorder.  You're describing some severe mood changes.  For now, it might be the drugs causing this, because they definitely can cause it.  When they do, it's the wrong drug for that person, and a different one needs to be tried.  I'm assuming you're in Europe, as valdoxan, as far as I know, isn't approved for use in the US, and is a new type of antidepressant without a lot of data at this point.  It works differently, as it's based on a theory that sleep problems cause depression and so it's working on the circadian rhythms rather than the other neurotransmitters most drugs target.  It supposedly has fewer side effects because of this, but time usually tells us that, but given her reactions, it's another reason why I'm not sure her diagnosis is set yet.  Has she seen a psychologist or psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis, or is this being done with a general doc who isn't a specialist in doing this stuff?  Also be careful about "taking her off" a drug -- these drugs have to be stopped carefully even when they're causing bad side effects because you can suffer withdrawal from stopping them -- the first drug she was on is notorious for this.  So be careful here.  And as far as pampering her, well, infantalizing her won't help her help herself, and if it is depression and not bipolar, she has to both want to get better and work hard to get better or she might not even with medication, which only tamps down the symptoms, they don't cure the problem.  Treat her as you always have, love her as you always have, don't enable her or make her feel smaller or unable to care for herself even if she isn't right now.  Help, don't control, or she will just feel more and more helpless.  Eventually, she will find a medication that does work, and slowly she will feel better, but she won't be cured, so also try and get her properly diagnosed and in therapy if it is just a really bad bout of depression.  Good luck.
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973741 tn?1342346373
So, I'm super practical when it comes to choosing life partners.   You are exactly right that what is happening with your girlfriend and her mental health is taking a toll on you.  When dating, I believe in this practicality and choosing someone that does not reflect mental health issues that require so much of us makes sense to me. We all want to be there for the one we love but you can't prop someone up forever and have any kind of functional life with them.  YOU need to think of you here as well.  

Understand that taking on the responsibility for someone else's mental health is a battle you will not win.  Unless she shows that she is going to address her mental health concerns HERSELF and takes strong and immediate action, I can only suggest that you be practical here.  I'm so sorry because I can tell how much you love and care for her. But love does not conquer all.  You want a happy life for yourself and unless she takes steps to address things, this is just going to tear you apart.  And often, mental health issues are a life long battle.  Be practical.  You deserve and easier and happier life.  
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You have been with her for 8 months during which she has tried a few meds. You said she had been suffering depression for a long time before, so are these her first meds, how long has she suffered and how long ago was she diagnosed?
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794366 tn?1418012995
Your girlfriend is so lucky to have you as a boyfriend who is so caring and devoted to her in spite of her depression and extreme moods and also now it is affecting you. It sounds like the doctor she is seeing is not working out for her and needs to be seen by a better doctor. I want to tell you to break up with her because she is now affecting you emotionally which is not good but I don't know if that is the right answer. That is up to you. Sounds like you love her so much that you are willing to put up with whatever happens so long as she gets better. Which is commendable on your part. These medications are having an awful effect on her which doesn't sound right. I have major depression disorder and anxiety and have been put on most of the antidepressants there are plus 30 ECTs which have not worked for me at all. I started taking caffeine pills and drinking strong coffee when I was severely depressed and noticed a difference in my mood and energy level. I told my doctor this and so she put me on Ritalin and I am off antidepression meds and am on Clonazepam for my anxiety. I walk a tightrope with my depression and anxiety when I take Ritalin because it can trigger an anxiety attack so that's when I stop taking it for a day or so or cut back.
I was misdiagnosed and told that I was bipolar and was put on Lithium which gave me rage of which I have never had to the point that I felt like I wanted to hurt someone. So the next day I told my doc this and told him that I did not want to be on LIthium any longer. I am not bipolar but have major depressive disorder. Maybe your girlfriend has been misdiagnosed and that is why they are prescribing meds that are affecting her badly. Hope this helps. Don't lose hope.
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7052683 tn?1392942395
Hi Lucas,

You are not responsible for her being Happy. We all have to take a deep look at ourselves and find the happiness for ourselves.

In my Opinion only, you are banging your head against the wall, and accepting the blame for her behavior.  It's not YOU it is She who needs a diagnosis from a Psychiatrist.

However I see how much you love her, do you think you are an enabler???  Well you cannot be making excuses for others and taking all the blame when it's her responsibility.

I would say until she finds out what is causing this rage and anger......you are outta there.

I do not have any idea what her mental condition is  , that is for the professional. IMO she is going to look for every excuse in the book to justify her actions.
You leaving may  make her take a real good look at herself and realize she is losing you if she does not find out her mental condition, seek out the right diagnose and then medication that might allow her to Her reset button.

Just saying.... get on with you life and finding your happiness  If this is the right  relationship it will survive.

Good Luck, Lucas and wishing you your own contentment.
May Trix

  
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Has she tried going to a therapist to talk to someone like weekly? They could help her a lot and also I'm not sure how active she already is but exercise is shown to be just as effective of an anti-depressant as taking anti-depressants and plus exercise won't give her these side effects. Maybe joining a running club or maybe starting a sport like netball or something?
I hope you and her get through this.
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Dump her .
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