Aa
nervous breakdown and other factors?
To give a little background. I lost my job about 4-6 years ago due to being the head shop steward and freaking out while someone was blowing a fog horn. my actions endangered those around me. I was working with molten metal at about 8000 degrees maybe?
I found a new job about 2 weeks after that. I also developed a warcraft addiction for a while choosing to live in the fantasy world. The problem I couldn't focus on the game unless I had a shot of rye every 1 to 2 hours. I weighed 250lbs at the time. I was also diagnosed with sleep apnea at 1 min 30 seconds between episodes. I have a cpap now. My initial experience in the new job was a lack of stress and I always have lots of motivation.
About a year ago they hired a floor manager who possibly lacks training or has communication problems as english isn't his first language. I am a very sensitive person. Also the office pollitics of 'getting rid of people' or trying to 'screw people up' really bothers me. tons of anxiety. The workers tend to not like the new floor manager. Whatever happened to a sense of honor or trying to do good for the company?
Shortly after I would estimate 3 months I came home to my apartment building being on fire. I really don't know what a factor of loosing my belongings has on me. But I did have some exotic fish who I did develop a personal relationship with in that they would do certain antics. recognize who fed them and who didn't. And make certain types of noise to let me know I was behind on a water change. Trust me, exotic and not your everday variety. My main interest in the fish was that I love dogs but it was the best I could do in an apartment.
The fire fighters assured me that if my fish were alive, they would do everything they could to protect life. This is on the day after the fire. They even asked specifics about what to plug into with a power backup. About a week later I was pretty frantic because I'm getting stonewalled. Finally my father made a real fuss at city hall. I'm told a few tears were shed. I was initially told all my fish were dead and I told them they weren't qualified to know. I was also told that I could pickup all my salvageable belongings elsewhere and everything would be taken care of for me.
After we got the ok from the fire chief and city hall. We entered escorted. It was too late for my prized fish who had personalities. However I did salvage two tanks which included 2 cichlids, many bottom feeders, and lots of plants. The sunlight from the window had kept everything alive as I had designed it to do. I think that if the fire department had acted as they said they would I would probably have my loved pets today.
In the end we had to remove and sort through our belongings and were only given two half hour periods and one hour long period spread across a few days in which we had to take as much as we could gather. The building has since been torn down. I recently found out that my apartment was burned down due to someone smoking crack.
Later in the week I was able to take on certain tasks like finding a new home, getting hookups, donations, etc. by the way no one in the building had insurance due to the high cost associated near commercial lots.
It was suggested to me to go away after the week of hell and try to do something possitive. We visited the wifes family who is about a 5-9 hour drive away. Probably 9 hours for us as we like to stop often. I received a text message from a co-worker that the management was not happy about my time off work. I had phoned in everyday, and on thursday to let them know I wouldn't be in friday either. I phoned the shop phone and got a co-worker on the night staff who assured me everything was ok and the management was fine. I was in tears at this time. It was too much.
I went to work monday and nothing was said so I was quite relieved. However on tusday I was written up at work for phoning into the wrong person on thursday. I phoned the shop phone and left a message like I did every time. I don't know how to deal with the wrong people answering the phone. I told the boss he was acting like an 'a-hole' in a calm voice to try to appeal to reason. I was written up for that as well. 2 write ups against me.
Some time went by. Probably 6 months give or take. I started to expirience a political shift in how things are done. Some new workers were hired and initially I trained them but recently witnessed them taking shortcuts to which we all get into trouble for. I am not one to be able to watch poor workmanship happen. My psychologist says I have some ocd. This lead to me feeling very picked on by the co-workers. Possibly I was picking on their lazy habits. I would attempt to ignore the habits if I didn't have to work directly with them. However if it was my project, I would speak up. They would repeatedly do things to purposely annoy me at this time. I confided in two co-workers that I was having a lot of trouble. I was also getting directions from 3 supperiors that were all conflicting with eachother. Such as, you can't touch these items today. We're not working on them. Versus I think we should work on these items. As well as many other conflicts with direction from management at different levels. One would think going higher in the chain would rule all. I was written up again for what seemed to me to be a pick-on-me-fest. My assumption would be that they expected me to blow my top and quit the job. But that did not happen. My father was looking out for me. I have been on disability since that day in January 2010.
Initially I lost all short term memory. I had a migrain that I would describe as an ice-pick headache lasting for 2 months. My migraine returns with stress at this moment and my short term memory goes up and down (assuming with cortisole from andrenaline?). Most of the symptoms surrounding an online search of 'nervous breakdown' match my symptoms. But the time frame suggests 6-8 weeks and I still have issues. Some days I can't work simple tasks like making toast or getting my internet browser to open. Very few days I can be active. Everything I do requires a lot of planning on my part.
The psychologists opinion is that I have adhd, ocd, anxiety, hypertension, and probably other stuff I don't remember. Some days I'm fine but the second I'm stressed out, possibly trying to remember things. My andrenaline shoots through the roof. I have seen two psychiatrists both who don't want to work with me. You would think they would be educated enough not to set me off. One left me in panic attack for 3 days and then told me I was faking my symptoms after a ct scan. It was like pulling teeth to get him to recommend a change of medication(I want to get better). after telling me I was faking, he said there were liability issues associated with me and he couldn't help. At this point he reminds me of those lazy co-workers and I can't trust him. The second psychiatrist I saw started down the same line of questioning and I don't know the answers, I bring people with me to help answer. He wouldn't let them help. He started belittling the few psychologists I do see telling me he's not sure about their qualifications. Trust me their qualifications are why I goto them. One is private sector. Obviously at this point my andrenaline skyrockets because I am feeling very attacked. You would think he would have training not to cause me aggression and anxiety. I freaked out. Probably said a few things along the lines of 'I don't have to take this'. My dad remained in the room. At this point he wished to cut off my benefits. I really don't care about benefits. And I'm sick of hearing about them. I don't care if I have to live in moms basement to get better.. more to come...
I found a new job about 2 weeks after that. I also developed a warcraft addiction for a while choosing to live in the fantasy world. The problem I couldn't focus on the game unless I had a shot of rye every 1 to 2 hours. I weighed 250lbs at the time. I was also diagnosed with sleep apnea at 1 min 30 seconds between episodes. I have a cpap now. My initial experience in the new job was a lack of stress and I always have lots of motivation.
About a year ago they hired a floor manager who possibly lacks training or has communication problems as english isn't his first language. I am a very sensitive person. Also the office pollitics of 'getting rid of people' or trying to 'screw people up' really bothers me. tons of anxiety. The workers tend to not like the new floor manager. Whatever happened to a sense of honor or trying to do good for the company?
Shortly after I would estimate 3 months I came home to my apartment building being on fire. I really don't know what a factor of loosing my belongings has on me. But I did have some exotic fish who I did develop a personal relationship with in that they would do certain antics. recognize who fed them and who didn't. And make certain types of noise to let me know I was behind on a water change. Trust me, exotic and not your everday variety. My main interest in the fish was that I love dogs but it was the best I could do in an apartment.
The fire fighters assured me that if my fish were alive, they would do everything they could to protect life. This is on the day after the fire. They even asked specifics about what to plug into with a power backup. About a week later I was pretty frantic because I'm getting stonewalled. Finally my father made a real fuss at city hall. I'm told a few tears were shed. I was initially told all my fish were dead and I told them they weren't qualified to know. I was also told that I could pickup all my salvageable belongings elsewhere and everything would be taken care of for me.
After we got the ok from the fire chief and city hall. We entered escorted. It was too late for my prized fish who had personalities. However I did salvage two tanks which included 2 cichlids, many bottom feeders, and lots of plants. The sunlight from the window had kept everything alive as I had designed it to do. I think that if the fire department had acted as they said they would I would probably have my loved pets today.
In the end we had to remove and sort through our belongings and were only given two half hour periods and one hour long period spread across a few days in which we had to take as much as we could gather. The building has since been torn down. I recently found out that my apartment was burned down due to someone smoking crack.
Later in the week I was able to take on certain tasks like finding a new home, getting hookups, donations, etc. by the way no one in the building had insurance due to the high cost associated near commercial lots.
It was suggested to me to go away after the week of hell and try to do something possitive. We visited the wifes family who is about a 5-9 hour drive away. Probably 9 hours for us as we like to stop often. I received a text message from a co-worker that the management was not happy about my time off work. I had phoned in everyday, and on thursday to let them know I wouldn't be in friday either. I phoned the shop phone and got a co-worker on the night staff who assured me everything was ok and the management was fine. I was in tears at this time. It was too much.
I went to work monday and nothing was said so I was quite relieved. However on tusday I was written up at work for phoning into the wrong person on thursday. I phoned the shop phone and left a message like I did every time. I don't know how to deal with the wrong people answering the phone. I told the boss he was acting like an 'a-hole' in a calm voice to try to appeal to reason. I was written up for that as well. 2 write ups against me.
Some time went by. Probably 6 months give or take. I started to expirience a political shift in how things are done. Some new workers were hired and initially I trained them but recently witnessed them taking shortcuts to which we all get into trouble for. I am not one to be able to watch poor workmanship happen. My psychologist says I have some ocd. This lead to me feeling very picked on by the co-workers. Possibly I was picking on their lazy habits. I would attempt to ignore the habits if I didn't have to work directly with them. However if it was my project, I would speak up. They would repeatedly do things to purposely annoy me at this time. I confided in two co-workers that I was having a lot of trouble. I was also getting directions from 3 supperiors that were all conflicting with eachother. Such as, you can't touch these items today. We're not working on them. Versus I think we should work on these items. As well as many other conflicts with direction from management at different levels. One would think going higher in the chain would rule all. I was written up again for what seemed to me to be a pick-on-me-fest. My assumption would be that they expected me to blow my top and quit the job. But that did not happen. My father was looking out for me. I have been on disability since that day in January 2010.
Initially I lost all short term memory. I had a migrain that I would describe as an ice-pick headache lasting for 2 months. My migraine returns with stress at this moment and my short term memory goes up and down (assuming with cortisole from andrenaline?). Most of the symptoms surrounding an online search of 'nervous breakdown' match my symptoms. But the time frame suggests 6-8 weeks and I still have issues. Some days I can't work simple tasks like making toast or getting my internet browser to open. Very few days I can be active. Everything I do requires a lot of planning on my part.
The psychologists opinion is that I have adhd, ocd, anxiety, hypertension, and probably other stuff I don't remember. Some days I'm fine but the second I'm stressed out, possibly trying to remember things. My andrenaline shoots through the roof. I have seen two psychiatrists both who don't want to work with me. You would think they would be educated enough not to set me off. One left me in panic attack for 3 days and then told me I was faking my symptoms after a ct scan. It was like pulling teeth to get him to recommend a change of medication(I want to get better). after telling me I was faking, he said there were liability issues associated with me and he couldn't help. At this point he reminds me of those lazy co-workers and I can't trust him. The second psychiatrist I saw started down the same line of questioning and I don't know the answers, I bring people with me to help answer. He wouldn't let them help. He started belittling the few psychologists I do see telling me he's not sure about their qualifications. Trust me their qualifications are why I goto them. One is private sector. Obviously at this point my andrenaline skyrockets because I am feeling very attacked. You would think he would have training not to cause me aggression and anxiety. I freaked out. Probably said a few things along the lines of 'I don't have to take this'. My dad remained in the room. At this point he wished to cut off my benefits. I really don't care about benefits. And I'm sick of hearing about them. I don't care if I have to live in moms basement to get better.. more to come...
massive depressive was also a diagnoses. Though I don't seem able to recognize my own depression.
Dad says the doctor was very shaken up, says
he had to be the psychologist. Dad said something along the lines of
why would you cut him off? He has a problem and you just witnessed
it. Apparently took a lot of convincing and we transfered control of
my case to a psychologist who I have been working well with.
Specializing in stress and anxiety. The psychiatrist that was scared
believes me to be a hazard to society at this time.
I have become very good at removing myself from stressful people. I
can't possibly take an arguement. My andrenaline spikes don't seem to
have a trigger point I'm aware of. If you ask me how I feel and start
filling out a form, you should be aware that in an hour the answers
will probably be all different. I've been told thats not normal by my
psychiatrist. I can't drive at the moment because when I do I have a
very poor attention span. I look at a red light, forget I saw it, and
keep going. Same with crosswalks and people. I drive as little as
possible but it is not always possible to find a ride to my doctors
appointments. I go for walks which are stressful and take many
breaks. Stores are the same way. I am light and sound sensitive.
One of my psychologists thought it was interesting how many doctors I
have been taking advice from. And trying to do everything. She has
advised me to try and slow down. I often take on more than I can do.
And I can do very little. There may be family traits that are factor.
It seems that I can't handle any stress of any kind. Including the
stress involved in making toast. My medications are
apo-metoprolol 25 mg twoice daily
sdz-bupropion sr 150mg daily(am)(just switched from zoloft, was on
cymbalta when I went off work)
altace hct 10mg-25mg daily(am)
I have been warning my family that if I don't start to get better or
possibly find a psychiatrist willing to look at me that I might have
better luck at the nut house. I'm completely serious. I assume those
guys might be trained to not use aggresion on a patient such as me.
he had to be the psychologist. Dad said something along the lines of
why would you cut him off? He has a problem and you just witnessed
it. Apparently took a lot of convincing and we transfered control of
my case to a psychologist who I have been working well with.
Specializing in stress and anxiety. The psychiatrist that was scared
believes me to be a hazard to society at this time.
I have become very good at removing myself from stressful people. I
can't possibly take an arguement. My andrenaline spikes don't seem to
have a trigger point I'm aware of. If you ask me how I feel and start
filling out a form, you should be aware that in an hour the answers
will probably be all different. I've been told thats not normal by my
psychiatrist. I can't drive at the moment because when I do I have a
very poor attention span. I look at a red light, forget I saw it, and
keep going. Same with crosswalks and people. I drive as little as
possible but it is not always possible to find a ride to my doctors
appointments. I go for walks which are stressful and take many
breaks. Stores are the same way. I am light and sound sensitive.
One of my psychologists thought it was interesting how many doctors I
have been taking advice from. And trying to do everything. She has
advised me to try and slow down. I often take on more than I can do.
And I can do very little. There may be family traits that are factor.
It seems that I can't handle any stress of any kind. Including the
stress involved in making toast. My medications are
apo-metoprolol 25 mg twoice daily
sdz-bupropion sr 150mg daily(am)(just switched from zoloft, was on
cymbalta when I went off work)
altace hct 10mg-25mg daily(am)
I have been warning my family that if I don't start to get better or
possibly find a psychiatrist willing to look at me that I might have
better luck at the nut house. I'm completely serious. I assume those
guys might be trained to not use aggresion on a patient such as me.
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