not really a ? just a discussion

I had a good run lately, life had been going good and i had been happy. Then my boyfriend of two years broke up with me and I got back into old habits of cutting and having suicidal thoughts. It feels childish to talk about, people think "you'll get over it" "perhaps, it wasnt meant to be" "it's for the better" "I know what you are going through" "time will heal everything"... I dont know how to talk to these people (mainly family). They just don't get it. It feels like no one gets it. My sister doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed, I can't talk to her about suicidal thoughts being she just gets really upset with me and says I'm being selfish.

The truth is, is I had a future planned with this guy. No wedding bells or babies just moving out, I was so excited for that. We were in a long distance relationship, I currently go to school and he has stuff tying him down in his city. So moving out was a big deal, now I just feel hopeless. Like I don't have any future. I also dont have alot of friends to talk to, I'm not sure Im always making an effort but it seems like I care more than anyone and end up always having to track people down to talk, no one ever phones me. That being said living alone just furthers that thought that if I were to die, if I were to commit suicide, if I were to disappear; it would be months before anyone noticed. Because no one cares enough to check up on me and my cries for help via text messages asking if "we could get together and talk" go unnoticed.

The cutting now just keeps me from crying all night. I haven't been eating, I haven't been sleeping but yet still going to classes which I end up getting really upset in and leave early. I don't know what I'm looking to get out of posting this. Just delaying what feels inevitable.

[wellb]

Hello kway347,
I read your post and I'm sorry about the break-up and that you feel so alone right now.

I guess the sentence you said that really raised my antenna was this one:

..."Because no one cares enough to check up on me and my cries for help via text messages asking if "we could get together and talk" go unnoticed".....

When you said the above sentence,  it made me very concerned about your situation because it is obvious that you feel so alone that your "cries", are not being heard. That's not good at all. In fact , when you said the word "cries", I took a big gulp, because what that tells me is that your pain is so very deep that you are crying out for help, but nobody is there to help you in RW (real world). It could be that your friends just don't understand the gravity,or are busy now w/ their own personal problems,  and thus, their omission is not their fault, ...but either way,you need to talk to a person with good ears immediately,if possible.

With this in mind, I would advise for you to call somebody today and make some kind of an appointment with "some" professional  that is there "to hear your cries for help".

Sometimes a non-relative or non-close-friend are the best people to talk to because they can be non-judgemental. You can call you regular Doctor today and he/she can refer you. Or you can see if your local college has a counseling center. I would not wait though, I would call a Pro in RW as soon as possible.

Take care---truly.