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please help

hi im 18 i am now haveing some more issues. idk what it is but i will tell you guys exactly what is happening....its all in my head as when i seen a story yesterday of a guy who killed his family i started to wonder like how someone can do something so cruel...i read that the guy was deppressed...and last night all i thought about was omg what if i go crazy and lose control of my mind am i capable of doing that???

and i am 110 percent sure i can not harm any body but its just thoughts in the back of my head that are there and make me question myself like omg...they make me feel so lost like why are these thoughts even going through my head....and when i begin questioning the thoughts it makes me feel like  im a psychopath....

its soo wierd because i just feel like im going to lose my mind thinking and thinking about dumb things that i just know i am not capable of!!!!! has someone felt something similar were they just feel like non stop thoughts are tormenting them? i was doing alot better with my anxiety and depression but these thoughts last night really scared me and made me feel like this is it im losing my mind! its scary
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2196504_tn?1351395795
Having empathy for the victim says a lot about you, all good things by the way. As to repetitive thoughts they can be terrible in anxiety and depression. As to you worrying about whether you are capable of something as sinister as killing somebody I have asked myself the same thing in the past.
I have lived with rapid cycling bipolar disorder since I was 13 . I don't have a violent nature or bone in my body.  I have never harmed anyone,  I would never even smack my children as I didn't feel that was the way I wanted to raise my children. Yet everytime I see on a crime show somebody with bipolar disorder who has lost the plot and killed somebody, I ask myself if my circumstances were different would I be capable of that. If I decided to stop my medication would that be my fate. I've discussed many times how I think somebody's mental illness is  misused and sometimes misrepresented n programs and also real life.  please don't misunderstand me I know  if someone with a severe mental illness , whose illness is unstable due to not taking the medication prescribed for the control of that illness and they are also have no support at home ,  if violent and aggressive behaviour has been displayed before there can be a risk of unknown and extreme behaviour and caution should be used at all times. There are extreme cases of all illnesses that could be used,, luckily these cases are rare but they do still impact how people see a person with certain mental illnesses. I don't tell many people I have severe rapid cycling bipolar disorder as this is a much not just an overly publicised severe mental illness but one I'm wary of my children's friends knowing I have incase it affects how people treat them. Unfortunately, some people don't understand that a mental illness is as individual as a personality. No two are the same how one person is affected by bipolar is different from the next. I say I have reoccurring depression, which for some reason is more acceptable to have. Why is that?  Any ideas guys,
Anyway sorry if that was long,  I wasn't trying to get on my soapbox I have bipolar,  my 16year old has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my youngest has severe Adhd so I guess I can say I can relate to your worry and question on so many levels.
Asking yourself if because of an illness you have,  does that make you a psychopath is something only you can answer. Repetitive thoughts about this are, I think anyway, just a sign of anxiety about the story you read and your way of trying to make sense of how can someone do that, and because he had an illness like mine does that mean I'm capable of that too! Not a psychopath just a someone who worries about things.  
Anybody can have a nervous breakdown and a psychotic break,  you don't have to be suffering from a mental illness before hand to have one.
Take care, and hopefully this is just an isolated incident that just affected you severely rather than a relapse.
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Avatar_m_tn
thank you soo much as your story makes sense thanks so much for replying as i felt lost and its more uncontrollable when im trying to go to sleep! but your story gave me reasoning to what im feeling and i really appreciate that!!!
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2196504_tn?1351395795
Your more than welcome but you don't have to say thank you. Everybody needs a little support  or some advise at some point, that is how I ended up part of this community, I needed some advise and I found both advise and support here when I needed it to.
I'm glad you feel better about what has recently been a worrying episode for you, hopefully you will sleep a little better tonight but if you need to chat you can always get in touch or chat to someone else here.
Take care x
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello,m 21...and i too gt trapped smtimes in dese kinda thots....i dont knw if m having sm problem regarding health coz i nvr went to psychologists till nw...m frm india...and people here r bit crazy....if any of my knowns will find out dat i went to psychologist....all of dem will start thinking dat m s gone case...m gonna mad...and dis n dat....so wat i think is...dats pretty normal...if you think dat....just dobt over do dat....coz it may alter ur bhavior....so plz be calm and trust urself....take care....
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Avatar_m_tn
thank you i have lots of people that support me in real life but i love to here these things from people that expierence similar things!! :)
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2196504_tn?1351395795
The fact that you have support in your life,  some people forget how much support can help when trying to deal with a mental illness or a crisis.  
You did make a good point that I would like to agree with, sometimes getting the perspective of someone who either has experience of living with a mental illness, someone who cares for someone who s living with a mental illness or is mentally impaired ( including Adhd, the autistic spectrum disorders and so forth!)
It makes me wonder if being able to get the advice or reassurance from. someone actually living with my illness, either on here or another similar place,  how much that could have helped me when I was a teenager struggling with rapid cycling bipolar disorder and Adhd,, even the knowledge that somebody knew what I might be going through would have really effected me and made me realise I wasn't alone that would have meant everything.  That's all  somebody needs, to hear sometimes. To be told  ' it is perfectly normal to feel a certain way, your not off your rocker your just someone struggling with a mental illness and that is ok too, it's not the end of the world., life can carry on even with a mental illness, albeit with adjustments. I,E I suffer from anxiety and occasional panic attacks and my world has had to adjust with them in mind. I know my limits, how many people is too many people for me to cope with depending on how severe my anxiety is. My life has had to adjust because of my mental illnesses but it hasn't stopped or ended, I learnt a lot about living with a an illness from people with mental illnesses themselves, it took speaking to someone who was dealing with a mental illness and what they had been through and the fight to come out the other side to help me understand I wasn't the only one out there and I in turn decided to get to know my illnesses as we were life long partners ( mine are incurable so. )
Take care, sorry I if I went on guys, I just thought that sometimes getting the view or advice from someone with experience of a mental illness can be very useful, if not invaluable. Thank you..
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