relationship with my daughter

[dboe]

I'm not sure what I should do.  My unwed daughter, announced that she is pregnant.  She is 23 and the young man seems to be a upstanding, stable man, from what we know of him.  The issue?  My daughter decided to stop taking her Paxil without notifying her doctor.  She has had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts since high school.  My concern is how this is going to affect her and the baby.  I have been trying for years (without any success) to get her to go to therapy to discuss her issues, as she has many.  Some she had no control over, others she consciously made although they were bad for her.  I do try to stay as in control of my emotions as possible around her, but I am a very honest, demonstrative person, and apparently she does not appreciate my comments.  When do I step in and insist she do something about this issue, or do I just let it ride, hoping for the best that nothing bad will happen?  She feels that bottling everything up inside is the way to handle it.

[AnxiousGurl]

Go with her next time, or call the doctor yourself and see what the options are.....what will it mean for the baby? For her health? Ask how to approach your daughter about it because it is a serious concern. Of course though, if you decide to approach her yourself, do it in a calm, and caring way, let her know you care and arent just telling her what to do. if you fear for the baby, tell her in a caring way how the baby comes first and that means she needs to take good care of herself, maybe she's scared? Are you willing to go with her?
On a lighter note, Congrats on becoming a Grandmother!! let us know how it goes. Best wishes

[mammo]

I think for your daughter to stop her Paxil was a good thing for the baby.  My daughter stopped hers as soon as she found out she was pregnant, as little is known about the affects these types of meds have on a fetus.  I learned a long time ago with my daughter that the more I nagged her about her health, the more determined she was not to do anything about it.  I stopped, as it was keeping me so upset, and decided she is an adult and has to make her own decisions.  It was amazing, because the next thing I knew, she was suddenly taking care of herself!  They have no reason to worry about themselves so long as "we" are doing it for them.  A baby makes one grow up real fast, and gives one a new purpose in life, and makes one want to be around to see their child grow up.  Your daughter will be fine, and will one day realize on her own that bottling things up inside is not the answer.  Just be there for her, that's all we can do as mothers.  She probably does resent your comments, but I promise you, she will notice when you stop making them.  If she ever asks why you've stopped just say "you are an adult, and are capable of making your own decisions in your life, I trust you'll do the right thing, and I'm always here if you should need me."  This is a hard thing to do, as I had to do it.  I know your concern is out of love, but we can love our children right out of our lives.  Watch her closely, and say nothing unless you truly feel she or the baby is in danger.  Congratulations, and good luck.

[dboe]

Very willing to go with her, however, I know if I bring it up at the drs.  she'll be furious with me and think I'm interfering.  I have asked her to please discuss with dr.  as well as go to therapist, explaining that now she does have baby to think about and being pregnant will not help her depression.  Therefore she hasn't spoken to me in 2 wks.  Anytime I say something to her that she doesn't like, she pulls a disappearing act, just like now.  I am trying to be excited about being Granny, but it's just not off to a good start.  I know that by the time the baby gets here I will be better.