self confidence

I am 16 years old and i have a huge self esteem and self confidence problem. Ever since I was in junior school Ive had kids bully me and its become worse ever since i moved to high school. Im a normal looking girl but for fome reason my 1st year of high school was hell, I was bullied and humiliated almost everyday that i was afraid to go to school. Being bullied has definetly resulted in my hugh lack of self confidence and self esteem, I always feel down and have become very self concious about my looks.I hate myself and I think that it wouldnt make a difference if i live or die.I used to be able to stand up to the bullies but now ive become a complete victim. I havent made any friends yet cuz people think im unfriendly and too shy but the reason behind it is because I think Im a loser. In public places like at the park I keep trying to hide and not get noticed as much as i can cuz im scared of being judged, I always think Im not as good as others and dont deserve the attention. Not only that my behaviour outside my home has changed but also with my family ive become extremely aggressive that I get grounded atleast twice a week. I think Im depressed! help!  

[RockRose]

cairogirl - there's something intangible about your post that I don't understand.    I don't know what it is,  it just doesn't . . .flow right or something.     I think maybe I just don't understand the flow of your life - did you not move from junior high school to high school,  with the exact same group of people?

Girls who are picked on and totally rejected by peers for - it sounds like four years - don't usually  describe themselves as "normal looking".     They exaggerate their physical flaws.  

You're being grounded "at least twice a week"?   What are you being grounded for,  like one day?  

I'm really trying to comprehend your post.  In my experience,  girls who are picked on take it to heart and believe they are ugly,  (even if they do look normal) and they don't say things after 4 years of being bullied like,  "I haven't made friends yet cuz people think I'm unfriendly or too shy".  

I'm not calling you a liar,  or a troll,  at all.  I believe what you are saying.    There is just something about your post I don't understand,  and doesn't make sense.


Can you clarify further?  

Best wishes.

[Happy2girls]

I am sorry you are having these troubles.  I too was painfully shy and I prefered to be invisible.  I can relate to being bullied.  I spent the first 8 years of school tormented beyond belief by one particular boy but he was popular and others joined in.  It was so bad that I would get spontanious nose bleeds, I developed psoriasis (sorry if my spelling is off) and had stomach cramps every morning (I still get stomach aches every morning and I'm 40).  Lucky for me I had a very loving family and I was able to see that this boy had a disfunctional life.   Also, in my case, my high school experience was the opposite of what I was used too.  I do agree with RockRose that usually girls who are harrassed generally describe themselves as hideous, that is what I did.  I never acted out at home either but I understand that everyone is different.  Do your parents know about your troubles at school?  Have you considered joining any clubs at school?    

[asii]

dear Cariogirl.....I think you should write in detail...about good and bad experinces you had or having....we are listening and let us solve this together....do not be afraid of anything....you do not need to hide yourself here....:) right...so let us talk about it....if you are never open to anyone...be it now....it is just a start ...o.k