This is called cutting. We are seeing this more and more in our teens. People who cut themselves have overwhelming emotions that they don't know how to deal with and resort to hurting themselves to try and release all the pain inside. It doesn't make sense to us and we don't understand it but it is an actual release or relief for them when they do that. Sometimes they feel so numb inside, it is a reminder to them that they are indeed still alive.
Mopsey, I have been where you are. My daughter started cutting herself last year. I understand the pain, confusion and horror you are feeling right now knowing that your child has chosen to purposely hurt himself. You must take this seriously. Don't believe him if he promises to stop or acts like it's no big deal. I don't know how long he's been doing this, but the longer he has chosen this method of dealing with things, the harder it will be for him to stop. It can actually be addictive behavior.
He won't like it, but you need to go through his room and make sure there are no sharp objects or anything else that can hurt him. Don't worry about an invasion of privacy. He's involved in behaviour that is harming him and isn't thinking clearly right now. Also, lock up all knives, scissors and razor blades. Please don't be like I was. I didn't take things seriously enough at first. We nearly lost our daughter at one point. We found a suicide note in her room and she had cut herself deeply at that time. I'm not saying all cutters are suicidal, but there are a higher rate of suicide among cutters. And sometimes they are just so emotionally distraught that they may accidently cut themselves too deeply without even meaning to.
You must get him and your whole family into counseling. Start calling today to find one, not just for him but for all of you. This affects all of you, and you and your husband need answers and need to know how to deal with this. Kids that are cutters are usually very deep kids who feel things deeply. They are usually very creative and artistic, and can be prone to depression. My daughter has been in counseling for nine months now and is doing much better but we still are considering putting her on anti-depressants. Be prepared to be in this for a long time. Something triggered this behaviour and hopefully with the counseling you will discover what is going on. Sometimes there is abuse in their past. My daughter revealed through counseling that she was molested when she was younger. She also was mistreated by her peers for years. I knew she was bullied in sixth grade because I had to go in and fight for her with the principal and teachers, but I never knew how bad things were or how long it had gone on because she never told us. We are now moving her to a new school in hopes she will be able to get away from bad influences and get a fresh start. She is doing better, but it's a slow process. Try and get him involved in some postive influences like a church youth group, sports or scouting. Please call that counselor today and let me know how you guys are doing, ok? I care and I'd like to know how you guys are doing. Please stay in touch. I'd like to hear from you again. Please know you are not alone. I'm praying for you and your son. God bless.
HI, I googled cutting to see if I could find some info for you.... there is a lot! Below is some of the info I found from this website, but again there are many...
I hope you find the reason for why your son is doing this. Often it relates to intense feelings of shame and secrecy. You need to find out what is REALLY going on....
Shame is an incredibly powerful emotion that will keep the self-injurer feeling negative about their self and their behaviors. Although self-injury is not the most typical behavior, there is nothing shameful about self-injuring. Through self-inflicted injuries they were able to cope and survive. The scars are testimonies to this survival. Shame and secrecy go hand in hand: openness and honesty are the antithesis of shame. The courage it took to survive the difficult time in their lives is something that can be a source of pride (Alderman 1997).
Self-injury exists whether it is talked about or not. Keeping the silence reinforces the sense of shame that many feel about their SI and it maintains the isolation and alienation that can lead to SI. Whether you know what to say or not, letting the self- injurer know that you are willing to talk about SI is one way of providing support. An important factor in being able to provide support to someone who self-injures is being able to regulate your own reactions, keeping any negative and judgmental responses to yourself while providing support, although it is necessary to find a time and place where you can express these responses.
It is important that if a self-injurer makes the decision to stop hurting themselves, they make it for themselves and not for someone else. Stopping is only possible when they are ready and they have developed other ways of coping. While most attempts to force, persuade, or suggest that a person stops self-injuring are based in a genuine desire to help and in caring for the self-injurer, if the self-injurer is not attempting to do so for their self failure is a most likely outcome. The self-injurer may also interpret your attempts for them to stop as being judgmental and demanding. This may serve to make them more secretive and to further break down communication. SI is a way to cope and if the self-injurer had another way to cope at that time most would use it. Trying to get someone to stop self-injuring is more about your needs than theirs.
It is important that medical professionals, doctors in emergency departments; therapists; and other care providers, who give assistance are aware of their own limitations and take steps to increase their awareness, understanding, and education of self-injury. Whether these professionals have feeling of disgust, anger, empathy, fear, frustration, or any other reactive feeling, it is necessary for them to recognize and control these emotions while rendering their care. It is also important that medical professionals are weary of not overreacting. SI is rarely life threatening and seldom requires involuntary hospitalization.
Although some medications are being tried with some success, there is no magic pill for stopping self-harm. Psychotherapy approaches have been and are being developed to help self-harmers learn new coping mechanisms and teach them how to use those techniques instead of self-injury.
Okay. Being a teen who used to cut themselves I can only share with you my experience and what started it for me. I started cutting when I was in the 7th grade. I did it because I felt numb all the time, like no one in the world noticed me or appreciated me or even cared that I exsisted. I wanted to feel something, and since I felt no love from anyone around me, pain was the only option left because I didnt need anyone else to engage it. I started out with small cuts on my wrists then bigger ones on my ankles, under my socks. I had to see therapist after therapist, and my mom must of had a million talks with me, but it still didnt make me stop. When she took all the knifes away, I used the razor blades off of my shaver for my legs and used those. When she took those away I used paper clips to dig into my skin and then just dug deeper and deeper until I could drag it across to make an incision. I didnt stop until I reached my freshmen year in high school and I joined clubs and sports. I felt like a really belonged some where, and that they really did need me in their team. It made me feel like they did care. Maybe you should try and envolve your son in a sport or club, or get him around people that he can connect with. That he feels he can have real relationships with, that may help. I know the more people told me to stop, I just kept doing it. I felt like they didnt care how I felt, because they were trying to take away the only thing that did make me feel anything in the first place. So I did it more. Being a part of something away from the people who were trying to lecture me, and although truely help me... did it for me.
Ok here is some information on cutting from some one who does Number 1 your son is probubly cutting himself for one or all 3 of 3 reasons 1 i cut my self because I felt like i hurt everyone so much that I mite as well hurt myself 2 I cut myself becuase eveyone else hurts me why not join in or 3 I don't know how to feel so I'll make myself feel I have to go I will finish filling you in some other time
I used to cut because I wanted the turn the uncontrollable depression, anxiety and emotional pain I had into something I could control. Long sleeves are a big part of my wardrobe because I don't want those that look up to me to see the scars.
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