sick of being lonely

Well, here's  my story. I haven't been able to make/keep friends my whole life. I had 2 "friends" when I was growing up that were sometimes controlling or manipulative. My mom died when I was young,dont know anyone from my dads side, moved around a little bit in foster care but haven't been able to maintain any relationships from those homes. The rest of my family that is alive aren't interested in being there on a close level.I got married when I was 19 to a man who was controlling and verbally abusive and I went years without talking to anyone at all and became afraid to  even go out into public. I got out of that situation with the help of a charity, but still without any close contacts. I can't find anyone from work that I can relate to. I have tried going to church, but everyone is way older than me and of course I don't feel a connection with any of them. I have tried going to meetups and I liked some of the people there, but I cannot continue going because I have no one to watch my kid, his dad doesnt help with him at all. I have tried playgroups, but everyone there is married and so "normal" that I feel like a freak around them. I have even tried parents without partners, there is no one there my age with young kids. I have tried, tried, tried up and down and don't know what else I can do. I just feel that the loneliness rips me apart, and that I will always be stamped "unwanted misfit" because of my upbringing. I hate this, its not that I haven't tried to bring myself out of my misery. I don't let on how desperate I am as not to scare people away, so I dont know what the problem is. By the way, I cannot go to counseling either because of lack of childcare. Hope someone has the patience to deal with my aimless ranting.

[wellb]

Hi there,

I just got home from work and saw your post. Hope you're OK.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, in your feelings of loneliness.  

Meeting people that we can all relate to (ie:  a good match)  is so difficult for most humans because we are all genetically different, and plus, our past and present experiences shape us tremendously!

In your case, you're a young Mom, so of course you want to talk to and be friends with another person that undestands your current situation. PLUS, you also want a person (male or female friend) that can relate to your experiences,not just being a Mom.

People these days are very conservative with their feelings and expressions of "self"...that's what I've discovered. Reason being is that we all live in a society that is very mobile, plus we all live so far apart because of our jobs, plus our current Economic situation has made SOME people feel shut-down,shut-out, and afraid to form new relationships for fear of meeting the wrong person. My humble opinion is that during bad Economic times, people go out less, & stay at home more,thus  just not getting out and enjoying life as much as they'd like.
When the Country is DOWN, general morale is down.
Boy, it sure is hard to meet people when times are like this, right?

But please do not feel alone, because so many people would love to have more close friendships, especially when times are rough (Economically) so that people can share happiness and have simple fun times to get their minds off the hardships out there.

Sounds to me like you are trying beautifully to meet other firends, via "mother groups","play groups" , "parents w/o partners", etc.

It could be that some of those mothers already have established friendships, and therefore they don't want to include a new Mom into their group. It's not YOU, it's just that they probably have enough friends for now.

BUT this does not mean that it cannot happen. Sometimes when you're least expecting it, you'll meet a friend that is a good match to your personality. That person may NOT be young, but maybe, they have daughters your age, and then, through that older Mom, you can meet younger Moms (their daughters!).
Know what I mean?

That's why I would not exclude older Moms in your search. Older Moms may have younger sisters, that you can be introduced to, and thus---a good friendship match is formed!

I've met really cool female friends through the sisters of older gals I met at work. It's happened to me!

Since you sound like you don't have a lot of money to be going out to places without your child, I'd take your child with you,---not a problem. Then, once you meet another "new"  friend,you can watch each others' children and then that will give you a break from being a Mom and you can go out and experience "adult time".
God knows, all Moms need a little "adult time", so I don't blame you for needing a break once in a while.  No guilt in that!

The internet is rough because it doesn't allow a person to meet others one-on-one. That human contact is probably so important to you right now,right? Computers are GREAT for finding Forums like this one,for instance,  but we all need a "real" relationship in the  "real world".  

I would not give up on getting "out" and meeting people. Keep getting out, and the more you talk to others, the better you'll get at it.
Practice, practice.
The best conversationists in the World got that way with practice! :-)

[Heather642]

I can empathize with your suffering.  I don't have a child, but I too feel so lonely and it's really hard for me to open up to people and "let on" how bad I really feel.  I recently saw a therapist and I think she probably wondered why I was there because I really didn't talk about my problems....so as you can see not everyone is a good communicator.  

Please know that there is hope for you and that you are not alone.  As you can see on this site, there are tons of other people going thru similar things.  Try to find the courage to reach out to someone who may help you.  Maybe try going to a church that has small group sessions for other single parents.  My mom goes to a church like this.  It may be a good outlet for you...or look into other free therapy groups.  They may have daycare available at little to no charge.  

Anyway, I'm probably not much help but I want you to know that it will be ok, God loves you, and He will always watch over you.