Aa
so very lonely
I have a loving family but even so i can't help but feel lonely. I'm 18 and find it hard to make friends because im not good at opening a conversation. I don't have a girlfriend and the one perdon i thought i could tell anything to and handle my depersive state abadon me and now i feel like i have no one. To make matters worse my only social life is on the computer. Some days im really happy some times i ask god why im i cursed. Am I being to dramatic, Is this ok that i can't angry and theres no reason. I moved about half a year ago from a place where i had some friends. I talk to them every once in a while but i can't let that black box of pain out on them (sorry for the paindora mataphor) I'm not abused and my life could be worse but I've always stuggled with depression. Is there anyone who feels like me like theres no one who will understand you? I'm not about to kill myself i don't believe in such an action will help partly im afired of death. When i was younger i was afraid of drinking out of glass because i believed it would kill me, but i got over that and i still have phobias. I used to take medication but i was strong egough to get off them but I still battle with depression and i dont like pills anyway im afraid to take them i have a hard time swallowing big pills one reason is because im worried ill choke but i over came that a little just not big pills. Please someone help me get out of this pain, I just need friends and a girlfriend who can understand and help me but how can i meet people if i give that leave make alone vibe and then i can't open converstations one of my friends once said "dude your going to be a forty year old virgin" and i was like nooo and the people i have ask have shoot me down and then worse abandon me. grrrrrrrrrrr some times i just want to scream and start attacking random people at school and i know thats wrong but i can't stand the way those wannabe gangsters and real gangsters and ***** act it makes me so angry. I guess this is more of a huge rant...................I wont go crazy i have to many things to achevie in this life.
Hey man,
I've felt the same way most of my life. You probably feel alone even when surrounded by people that are your friends or in a crowded room. I struggle with depression, anxiety, ocd, and migraines.These things can be overcome. but you need the right set of tools. Like with your art, you need the right kind of brush, pencil, or sculpting tool depending on what you want to do.
The first thing we can talk about is the depression. It's normal when you're younger to feel a lot more intense emotions. These kind of go away when you get older. Now when you're depressed and feel bad all the time your brain runs out of certain chemicals that help you to feel happy. That's why the depression doesn't go away. On top of this the thoughts that we think get stuck and that works to keep our mood low. If you know a bit about computers you can compare the actual computer to the brain. The software on the computer is like the mind. When someone has depression, they have a piece of the computer that has a physical problem. This physical problem also causes the mind to screw up just like a physical problem with a computer causes Windows to screw up.
Now to fix a computer you have to fix the hardware part first. This is comparable to what depression medication does. It fixes the hardware of the brain and gets the chemicals back to normal. Finding the right medication is trial and error and can take awhile. You have to try out different kinds of medication because just like with a computer, there are lots of different things that can be wrong with the hardware of the brain.
Once we have this fixed then we go onto the software part and fix that. Talk therapy is what helps to fix the software of our mind. The therapist doesn't fix it for us, we actually fix it ourselves by doing what they tell us. It's hard to trust others in life but you can trust your therapist because he is bound by law to keep everything private so you don't have to worry what he thinks about what you say.
Get a male therapist who is good with people your age or someone that you can respect. Make a list of things you want to fix in your life. To deal properly with the depression you need to learn to seperate emotions from facts. You should learn about what logic is and about reasoning. These will be powerful tools you can use to combat your negative emotions. When you feel a certain way about something you can use your reasoning to see if there is any factual truth to it. Eventually you can learn to base your decisions on logic and what the correct thing is to do rather than what you feel like doing. This has been the biggest help for me. It's hard to do on your own so that's why you have a therapist to help you learn these things. I'd also recommend learning to meditate. It can help you clear your mind of some of those negative emotions. All these things take practice and won't be easy to do at first.
Did you know that studies show that daily exercise can be just as effective as depression medication? Also, you can change your diet so that you are getting the right nutrition and that will help make you feel better.
Once your working on improving the depression and worry you can work on the social aspect of your life. Some people are naturally good with people and making friends. Other people are introverts and are more good at thinking and working with ideas and concepts. For people like us who are good at thinking but not so good with people we have to learn how to be good with people.
Just like there is an overall system that governs how everything in the universe works, there is a system that governs what makes people like other people and want to be friends with them. It sounds like you have a lot of fake friends that aren't there for you when you need them. It's a hard thing to find genuine people, especially if you are in high school. They are usually the last people you think you would like to be friends with. The depression and anger misleads us into making assumptions about other people. I found that it was easy to be hostile to other people and that got in the way of me getting to know a lot of people. Also, I would believe that no one would want to be my friend or like me. Now I look back and see that lots of people would have been my friends but I was too blinded by my own emotions. When you learn to think logically and rationally, you eventually realize that being angry hurts you more than the person you are angry at. It interferes with you getting what you want and accomplishing what you want to accomplish. It makes us send off negative vibes that other people can pick up on.
It is important to make a list of the kind of person we want to be and keep that in our mind as a goal that we can keep in our mind. For me one of the things is never to lie. Since that is in my mind all the time, it motivates me to always tell the truth. I make mistakes sometimes but I know that I can forgive myself for it and do better next time.
Talk with your therapist about books you can read that can teach you how to be social. One is "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie I think. As far as girls go, you can learn how to meet girls and have them like you. It doesn't really matter too much what you look like. Self-esteem and confidence matter most. One way to build confidence is to do things that you don't believe that you can do. It also helps the depression. You won't succeed at first most of the time but you have to remember to not give up and to change your plans so you are not attempting something the same way over and over again. There is a book that helped me, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's actually about the pick up artist community. There is a powerful lesson at the end of the book. It basically says that learning how to get girls is easy and there are certain behaviors and actions that will get you all the women you want. The people who focus on only getting girls end up being really shallow and rotten people. I can tell you don't want to be like that. Strauss talks about how becoming a confident person and decent human being really helps you to have a meaningful relationship with a woman long term.
If you work on these things I can guarantee that you will improve your depression and get what you want out of life. It is a long process that will take years but you must never give up and always move forward. Get this book ASAP:
"The Golden Key To Strategy" by Gary Gagliardi.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1929194366
This will teach you strategy. If you use strategy in all that you do, you can discover the best way to do things and when you fail you can look and see what you did wrong so you know what to change on your next attempt.
I've felt the same way most of my life. You probably feel alone even when surrounded by people that are your friends or in a crowded room. I struggle with depression, anxiety, ocd, and migraines.These things can be overcome. but you need the right set of tools. Like with your art, you need the right kind of brush, pencil, or sculpting tool depending on what you want to do.
The first thing we can talk about is the depression. It's normal when you're younger to feel a lot more intense emotions. These kind of go away when you get older. Now when you're depressed and feel bad all the time your brain runs out of certain chemicals that help you to feel happy. That's why the depression doesn't go away. On top of this the thoughts that we think get stuck and that works to keep our mood low. If you know a bit about computers you can compare the actual computer to the brain. The software on the computer is like the mind. When someone has depression, they have a piece of the computer that has a physical problem. This physical problem also causes the mind to screw up just like a physical problem with a computer causes Windows to screw up.
Now to fix a computer you have to fix the hardware part first. This is comparable to what depression medication does. It fixes the hardware of the brain and gets the chemicals back to normal. Finding the right medication is trial and error and can take awhile. You have to try out different kinds of medication because just like with a computer, there are lots of different things that can be wrong with the hardware of the brain.
Once we have this fixed then we go onto the software part and fix that. Talk therapy is what helps to fix the software of our mind. The therapist doesn't fix it for us, we actually fix it ourselves by doing what they tell us. It's hard to trust others in life but you can trust your therapist because he is bound by law to keep everything private so you don't have to worry what he thinks about what you say.
Get a male therapist who is good with people your age or someone that you can respect. Make a list of things you want to fix in your life. To deal properly with the depression you need to learn to seperate emotions from facts. You should learn about what logic is and about reasoning. These will be powerful tools you can use to combat your negative emotions. When you feel a certain way about something you can use your reasoning to see if there is any factual truth to it. Eventually you can learn to base your decisions on logic and what the correct thing is to do rather than what you feel like doing. This has been the biggest help for me. It's hard to do on your own so that's why you have a therapist to help you learn these things. I'd also recommend learning to meditate. It can help you clear your mind of some of those negative emotions. All these things take practice and won't be easy to do at first.
Did you know that studies show that daily exercise can be just as effective as depression medication? Also, you can change your diet so that you are getting the right nutrition and that will help make you feel better.
Once your working on improving the depression and worry you can work on the social aspect of your life. Some people are naturally good with people and making friends. Other people are introverts and are more good at thinking and working with ideas and concepts. For people like us who are good at thinking but not so good with people we have to learn how to be good with people.
Just like there is an overall system that governs how everything in the universe works, there is a system that governs what makes people like other people and want to be friends with them. It sounds like you have a lot of fake friends that aren't there for you when you need them. It's a hard thing to find genuine people, especially if you are in high school. They are usually the last people you think you would like to be friends with. The depression and anger misleads us into making assumptions about other people. I found that it was easy to be hostile to other people and that got in the way of me getting to know a lot of people. Also, I would believe that no one would want to be my friend or like me. Now I look back and see that lots of people would have been my friends but I was too blinded by my own emotions. When you learn to think logically and rationally, you eventually realize that being angry hurts you more than the person you are angry at. It interferes with you getting what you want and accomplishing what you want to accomplish. It makes us send off negative vibes that other people can pick up on.
It is important to make a list of the kind of person we want to be and keep that in our mind as a goal that we can keep in our mind. For me one of the things is never to lie. Since that is in my mind all the time, it motivates me to always tell the truth. I make mistakes sometimes but I know that I can forgive myself for it and do better next time.
Talk with your therapist about books you can read that can teach you how to be social. One is "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie I think. As far as girls go, you can learn how to meet girls and have them like you. It doesn't really matter too much what you look like. Self-esteem and confidence matter most. One way to build confidence is to do things that you don't believe that you can do. It also helps the depression. You won't succeed at first most of the time but you have to remember to not give up and to change your plans so you are not attempting something the same way over and over again. There is a book that helped me, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's actually about the pick up artist community. There is a powerful lesson at the end of the book. It basically says that learning how to get girls is easy and there are certain behaviors and actions that will get you all the women you want. The people who focus on only getting girls end up being really shallow and rotten people. I can tell you don't want to be like that. Strauss talks about how becoming a confident person and decent human being really helps you to have a meaningful relationship with a woman long term.
If you work on these things I can guarantee that you will improve your depression and get what you want out of life. It is a long process that will take years but you must never give up and always move forward. Get this book ASAP:
"The Golden Key To Strategy" by Gary Gagliardi.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1929194366
This will teach you strategy. If you use strategy in all that you do, you can discover the best way to do things and when you fail you can look and see what you did wrong so you know what to change on your next attempt.
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