someone help?

Ok so I'm 15 but I'm pretty mature because of my past, and I think I'm suffering depression. I had a bad upbringing with my alcoholic mom and now I live with my nan most of the time, and spend a few days a week with my dad and my brothers, we all get on well. And I'm clever, I know I am, but recently my grades have been slipping. And I have a few close friends too but recently I can't be bothered with them. And all I want to do is sleep, like all the time. And at night I get into bed but I don't sleep because I just stay up thinking and crying until the early hours, which means I wake up late, but even then I feel exhausted. And I think I love this boy, but he has a girlfriend and he just picks me up and drops me whenever he wants me.. so that doesn't help. And I hate who I am, sometimes I think "I'm not too ugly and I could be fatter" and feel like I'm ok, but most of the time I hate myself and just hide away, just give up on bothering to look good.I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm floating through life, just existing, just because I don't have the courage to end my life. And I've considered it, but I'm even too much of a coward to do it. I don't know so I was hoping someone has some ideas on what it could be? I want to do something but I don't want to tell my family without being abit more sure because they might think I'm overreacting or just being a moody teen, thanks, anything would help xx

[Cbkid23]

:( It can be very hard sometimes. I understand from it personally. For me I didn't even consider escaping the hell I was going through till I hit rock bottom one night. Things didn't change until I finally reached out to family members. They do care about you and if you go to them and tell them sincerely that this is more then just a typical mood swing. It may take convincing, but you will get through to them. It can feel very isolating and even more so if you want to be alone. I would highly recommend going to see a doctor who can help. Especially when thoughts like that start going round and round in your head. Words can't describe. But I really hope the best for you :/ it may take some time, but you don't have to go through it alone. I'm not a doctor, but I just know from experience that it could be depression. Do what you think is best for you and the sooner it is looked at the sooner you can get back to the great person I'm sure you really are :) Hang in there and keep holding on.

[4Maddie44]

It does sound like you could have depression, but only a doctor will tell you for sure.

You sound a nice person, and think how your family would feel if you did something to yourself.  

We can listen to you here, but we cannot diagnose or prescribe.  Please get help, and talk to someone, if you feel you can.  Is there a counsellor at your college?

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome.

You're going through a rough time and while we cannot diagnose you, you have a lot of tell tale signs of depression.

Like the others have said, help is out there, you just have to reach out for it.  You've already taken a huge step by posting here.  It shows that despite feeling helpless and hopeless, you WANT help, and you recognize that you could be a lot happier.

You're at a rough age too, a lot of peer pressure, stress about your physical looks, and stressful, rididulous relationships with the opposite sex.  Sounds like you have low self esteem, which is probably one reason you are "settling" for a relationship with this boy who already has a girlfriend.  You deserve WAY better than that, and you know it.  You sound like a sweet, very smart girl.

My advice is to confide in a trusting adult.  How about your nan?  Sounds like you have a close relationship with her and sounds like she is really there for you.  Tell her (or another adult you feel comfortable with, school counselor if you have to) how you're feeling, and that you would like to see a professional about it.  

With your young age, and all of the past circumstances you deal with, probably therapy would be enough to get you back to feeling like YOU again.  You deserve a better quality of life, hon, and it is not your fault that the grown ups in your life made poor decisions that affect you to this day.

We really care, you are among people who really understand.  Please come back and update us.  Take that first step, and talk to someone, get some help.  You'll be SO glad you did!  XOXO

[mammo]

You're wise beyond your years, and your past has matured you quickly.  As children we have no choices... we have to live with what we're given, and it's often very difficult.  It does sound like you have some classic symptoms of depression, and there is help for this.  It appears that your childhood has caught up with you and now all the pain is coming to the surface.  Depression makes us sad, not care about ourselves, takes away all our desire to be with friends and do the things we once enjoyed.  You need to talk to your dad, someone who will listen and take you seriously.  Sometimes it's best to put it in a letter to the person because when we have to read the words...we truly hear what is being said.  If you can't get help with a family member, talk to your school counselor or a teacher, and keep talking until someone listens!  You can and will get beyond this with some help and have the happy life you deserve. One thing you must know is that nothing that has happened in the past was your fault!  You are a victim and it's imperative that you realize in a few short years it will be YOU making the decisions in your life.  You have to choose to no longer be held hostage by your childhood or lack thereof.  By getting help, you can learn to deal with all that has happened to you and move forward in your life.  You are and will be a much stronger person than most because of your life, but make sure you use this as a tool to be the best you can be!  You sound very bright and level headed, don't allow this off and on boyfriend to disrespect you any longer!  You know what you want and how you want to be treated...don't settle for any less!  You're beautiful on the inside where it truly matters and I'm sure as well on the outside because this can't help but to shine through!  It's time to think about YOU and getting yourself in a better emotional state.  Take care of yourself, it will give you more confidence and make you feel better, and you want people to love you for who and what you are!  Hold your head high and keep looking forward.  Don't compare yourself to others because there is only one YOU and YOU sound pretty special to me!  So, talk to someone and also start journaling all your thoughts and feelings....even if you just toss them away.  This is very therapeutic and serves as a form of release for us.  Our past defines who and what we become and this is where you have so many choices!  Set your sites and standards high and reach for the stars!  We're always here for you or you can private message any of us to talk or just vent.  Big hugs and I wish you all the very best!

[nursegirl6572]

Nicely said!  :0)

[fireflies2304]

Thankyou guys so much! Its only on here but it has really helped, I think it really all revolves around my self esteem and my family, and I think if I continue like this I need to speak to someone. Thankyou all so much really thanks xx