support

[Jaquta]

Why is it so desperately hard to get support from health professionals?

I had a therapist who wouldn't return phone calls so therefore couldn't reschedule therapy appointments.  (That was 15 months ago.)
My doctor won't give me medication unless I'm in therapy.  The mhs won't fund therapy (unless it is of the kind that makes me worse).

I was told to complain about the lack of support but going through these issues and past ones leaves me feeling traumatized and unwell.

I feel so frustrated.  I have an appointment with my doctor this coming week but are afraid that I am going to use the time fighting with him (due to my anger and frustration).

I'm finding it really hard to work through anything at the moment.  I was sleeping all day and then taking meds to help me sleep at night.  I thought I was actually doing better until I was triggered by stuff on the news on New Year's day.  Since then I have just kind of crashed.  I have this internal battle going on where I am fighting to be healthy but wanting all this negative stuff.  It's confusing and difficult as I never had that hard stuff validated when unwell.

I think perhaps I'll go to bed now and perhaps wake up tomorrow feeling better.

This is all so messed up.  Just really worried that things are getting worse.  And also not that upset that they are at the same time.  I'm tired of trying to keep my head above water though.

[Jaquta]

Whoops sorry.  That's what my doctor tells me, that HIS three and six year can do what I am struggling to do.  I thought that I must almost certainly be going crazy if I said that.  I had to see it, then I saw it in the context I meant to put it.

Will do.  Likely it will be, come back again next week.  Getting help is a process,  ...

[Misssy2]

You have a 3 and 6 year old?  Wow...I could not deal with small children and depression, so you are doing something right!
I'm sorry you are not getting the support you need...again, this week when you see the Dr...check in and let us know how it went.

[Jaquta]

Lorazepam is also said to be addictive.  I think I was perhaps going through dependency issues with it recently.  It is also depressing to feel that you are physically or mentally dependent on something.
I think I was depressed before I started taking lorazepam but I think that because my mood was lower (and my anxiety higher) I turned to it as a kind of crutch.

I've been wondering why my mood hasn't improved much over the past year.  I know I was depressed last year because my brother and his girlfriend had just returned from overseas and I didn't have the energy or motivation to clean and do stuff.  But then my cousin killed himself then too so that perhaps didn't help.

The year before that I had breast cancer treatments and that did leave me feeling flat.

This year mum and dad went away for a number of weeks and I was left managing their farm by myself.  Considering I was struggling to get out of bed each day I coped really well and even did start to feel a little better.

I would have expected to have seen some OK patches in all that though.  ??

They say if you have had one or more episodes of depression that you should take ad's for one year following a period of being non-symptomatic or with more episodes take them for life.

But he's not helping (that much).  Surely he could have arranged some sort of support for me in the past 28 months.  Come back next week.  It's a process. My three and six year old can do that.  ...

You me I don't come across as a loony or basket case here already?

There is so much to talk about and the problem is that it is all important.

Thanks for listening.

[Misssy2]

I notice that you are on lorazepam also...that is the anxiety med I am on...I have been on lorzepam for over 5 years...I wonder if there is a correlation between lorazepam and our depression, because lorazepam is a depressent.
I also thought that depression was supposed to resolve itself naturally over time...that is why I stopped taking Celexa (a medication that gave me a side effect of a constant cough)...and GUESS WHAT...depression does not seem to resolve itself.
Let us know what the Dr. says this week...try to stay calm and not take the anger out on the person you are turning to for help...come in here and yell at us...or go to our private blog and act like a lunatic!  Write down all the facts...all the things you are feeling etc..so that when you get to the DR...you don't draw a blank.

[Jaquta]

My GP gave me just under 100 lorazepam tablets in August.  He seemed fine with that but not with prescribing anything else until in therapy (which could be months or years away).

One of the experts here thought that I was depressed and so I took information from that expert to show my doctor and he just said that he knew my mood was low.

I thought that depression was suppose to resolve itself naturally over time but I just seem to feel bad most of the time.

Thanks for your post.  Perhaps more than anything I needed to vent.

[spikerusty]

It shouldn't be a pre-condition that you only allowed anti-depressant medication with attending therapy as i've not heard of this before, but i do know that mental health services in the UK can restrict their usage of benzodiazepines owing to the risk factors associated with going beyond short term usage and overall dependency. There is also the idea that with taking such drugs that they inhibit one's emotions / feelings to the extent that its viewed that they create difficulties with being in touch with oneself to the extent that therapy can become ineffective. It sould like your going through a tough time as if your having such difficulties to the extent that news events are making you feel intensely depressed and hopeless I'd raise this with those involved with your care as it seems that you have limited emotional resilence at the moment most probably because of being quite clinically depressed. I'd be easy with yourself and attempt to keep yourself safe and limit your commitments in the meantime until your appointment as it seems that you may require a thorough medication review due to feeling unable to cope etc. Hope this helps.