teenage son's first love

[KWsMom]

My 15 year-old son has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months. She is set to head off to college.  She has come to depend on my son (who will be a high school junior) for most of her emotional needs.
She has a few girlfriends, but for the most part, my son has been her sole confidant and support. - she also has a lot going on at home,  and copes with anxiety and depression.  My son feels responsible for making her happy - the result being that he is now showing physical signs of depression, because he cannot do it, and is overwhelmed.

My husband and I have taken his first love feelings seriously - but have been counseling him for the past few months to try and expand his activities so that she can prepare for school and their physical separation.
He is now ready for this...but when he talks to her about slowing things down, she won't stop crying, because she wants them to be together forever (I do remember how that felt...).  
We are concerned for our son's health, because he is very sad, and feeling guilty about wanting to be able to date others next year.

I don't want him to feel he has to spend the next month being with her as often as possible, when it is making him unhappy, and my husband thinks he should stick it out and wait for the college separation (of only 40 miles) to play its part in a natural break-up.

We have always tried to let our children solve their own problems, but I think this has crossed over the line to where her parents need to know our concerns (I'm sure they are concerned also.)
  I don't think that it is a stretch to think she could physically hurt herself.
Any suggestion would be helpful.  I know how I would counsel other teens, but this counselor is too emotionally involved -

[mammo]

Good for you and your husband for having such a wonderful relationship with your son!  A big burden has been placed on your son....making and keeping this girl happy.  He is far too young for this, and as you know, there will be other loves in boths their lives.  He should be able to go on with his life guilt free, although I admire that you have raised him to be so compassionate and caring.  But if it is causing him health problems, I do think it's time to intervene.  I would contact the girl's mother or both parents and see if they are aware of the problem, as this girl made not have the same type of relationship with her parents as your son does with you.  But they need to know that she is in a fragile state of mind, and you are concerned.  It is their responsibility to take care of her, not your son's.  I empathize with you as I raised 3 children, and their well being is of utmost importance to us.  You don't want your son to fall into a depression, and this is what is happening.  As a mother, I would want to know this information about my daughter, and her state of mind.  It may be easier to at first just try a mom to mom talk, and go from there.  Best wishes..........

[KWsMom]

Thank you - her mother and I talked yesterday, and even though we both know we can't keep from hurting, we both want her daughter to start college knowing that she still has a very good friend she can still call on, and I want my son to know that he can be a friend without feeling the need to protect and provide constant care.

I think my son feels better knowing that we both want to help. He needs to talk with his girlfriend about what he wants, and her mother will be there to also help her through this. They may not be able to stay best friends at the start, but I am hoping with more time they can be good friends.

I will watch the medical side of this carefully. I was treated for clinical depression when I was in my late 20's, hospitalized for a month because I let it go too far without treatment. I had no idea what was wrong with me, as people didn't talk much about mental health thirty years ago. This forum and others is a great educational and emotional support for others.
Thanks again.