ok i have wrote to this 4 a wile now but i jus want to write everything down once more just to set my mind straight.apogises if its a bit long but hope yas do read it. ok im 18 years of age and the since october of last year i havent been feeling myself at all. my da took a heartattack and was very close to death but survived thank god and got the all clear. but frm there on i was having panic attacks the room wud get dizzy and i cudnt breath so much i left my job over it but now looking back i wish it was only dat cuz i feel worse. i was on antidepressents 4 about 2 months and felt so much better over xmas. but i wasted out of dem jus b4xmas and went wifout dem over that peroid. den i felt worse so went back on dem in januray butdey werent wrkin at all and went off dem again. now i feel really down and scared. THIS PART I WANT EVERYONES ATTENTION ON....i keep thinking about other people and feeling guilty to what happened to them for example if sum1 killed themselves i blame me and feel bad having fun but i knw it was the persons fault 4 doin dat and its no1's fault but i cant seem to keep that in me head. now im having awful thoughts of me hurting myself (even writing this is scaring me) but i dont wana die i love my life but i feel like my kind is against me. i say its wrg and my mind says no its not like the complete oppiste omg sounds really mad but its what it feels like. i keep obessing over other people and keep thinking its guna happen to me. over and over gain till i get so exhausted and cried out. im losing weight,dont wana do nuthin. i knw movin about and all helps ya but its really hard. i still wrk and all. but i just wana b me again. i feel like im not in control of my thoughts r emotions. i feel like i hav ocd, which den i have panic thoughts and den get depressed like a vicious cicrle...plz i wana b normal i knw the difference between good and bad i jus wana live my life....what cud yas think it wud b?? plz any good advice...really scared..sorry its really long but hads get dat out....thanks
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