what do i do?

[blackxxrose]

Hi. i want to commit suicide for quite sometime now. I hate myself. My mom is a ***** and sleeps with guys all the time even when i am there. ew. i hate that. i cant stand my mom. She takes all of her anger out on me because shes stressed at work and with her boyfriends. She grounds me for no reason so i cant spend time with my friends which is the only cure to make me temporarily feel better. My mom swears at me all the time and screams at me whenever she gets the chance. She is a compulsive liar and turn everything around on me and makes me feel like my sadness is all my fault and im responsible for everything that goes wrong. My grades are horrible and i really do try. I dont do any worse than C's but my school is hard and i really try my best. I get stressed out all the time and i really cannot take it. I am always the odd one out with all my friends and im sick of it.  No one is ever there for me exept my dad but he has a little bit of a drinking problem which concerns me. Maybe if i were gone maybe some one at least one person which would probably be my dad, would miss me....

[LeftCoastChick]

If you are still considering suicide, you need to go to the hospital, we can't replace that here for you. You may need to go on meds, if you are underage social services can intervene so you feel safe. No one deserves to be yelled at. ever.

[saber8]

i have been through depressione i still get it from time to time,and i was extreamly suicidale at one time and have tried to kill myself b4 i also self mutilate and use drugs to numb the emotionale pain i have had in the past and also to forget but through out all of this i have learnt everything gets better over time.and when u feel like commiting suicid A)DO NOT   B)go to or do what makes u happy like go in ur room and put head phones on and listen to music,or go out and go hang out with ur freands,whatever makes u happy when u feel this way go and do it   C)and one day u should really try to sit down with ur mother and tell her how she is effecting u and hurting u emotionally.and no matter what u will effect more people then u think u will if u kill urself.

[yummymummy87]

awww sweetie, i see your dilemma... i wish i could give you a big hug!! it will all be ok though! - parents always make threats about kicking their kids out.. i remember when i bought a couple packs of  cigarettes my mum ripped them up and handed them back to me and showed me the door... we get upsetting things that happen to us throughout our lives - but they pass... we grow up and mature and realise that its not all that bad... even though at the time it feels as though the world is ****** and its all doom and gloom, but it really isnt... i wish i could take you 10 years from now and show you where you will be and you would see how far you have come.. even 5years... - my life 5years ago i was a mess, my life was going down hill fast.. i was raped and felt like it was all f*cked! and if you had told me back them that in only 5years i would have my own house, be engaged to the man of my dreams and have a beautiful baby boy i would say its bull sh*t, nothing good happens to me... but time really does heal ALL wounds! you just have to remember while going through something it feels like your whole world is going to end but remember that "this to shall pass" - i don't know how many times i've told myself that while going through fights and other stuff, but it does work itself out and sure enough passes! i wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the help from God, and i know He loves you dearly and is watching over you sweet heart! you will be fine and remember you can ALWAYS call on Him! He helped me through the tough times and still helps me...  and i reckon it would help to sit down with your mom again and tell her whats up, and that your not coping with things... you should let her know that your cutting yourself, and im sure she will help you to get through this and let her know that its still upsetting you all the things she has said.. because im sure she does not know how much it is affecting you. she loves you, you are her baby! have a good cry to her and let her know! she is your mother and she wants to help you! i wish you all the best of luck hunny you have nothing to be affraid of!! lots of love Jess xx

[blackxxrose]

yeah you are right....my mom does know i hear her every night...there is only one person i can talk to about this and he is my best friend. but there is a MAJOR problem. my best friends dad is dating my mom. and i told my best friend that they were sleeping together and i hear them most of the time... and he told his dad and his dad told my mom. my mom asked me the next day..."do you hear me and my boyfriend having sex" and i said yes. and she told me she would try and keep it more quiet next time. but she lied. i moved to a different room farther away from theirs and i could still hear them. so there is no use to even try talking to my mother about it. i feel like i cant talk to her or trust her anymore. when i was a child, and my mom got annoyed with any little thing i did, she would yell at me to stop or she would go away forever and that i would have to live on my own. i cried. she didnt care at all. so every time i get depressed and cut myself every night i have flashbacks to when she said that to me...and my mom once attempted to kick me out and i came into high school crying which was really embarrasing because i had breakdowns in the middle of the hallway.  My dad convinced her not to kick me out but i dont know how. i cant live with my dad...ive tried to but he wouldnt be able to take me to school because he has to work...and he doesnt have much money sooo i dont want to interfere with that. i want to talk to someone but im scared.

[yummymummy87]

it sounds like you don't have a good relationship with your mother... but she would most deffinately love you!! I have just had my first baby who is almost 6weeks old, and i think i am getting a bit of postnatal depression from it.. having him is hard work and at times i feel like i cant cope with it all, but he is still worth it.. and it makes me appreciate what my mum and what every mother has done to bring us up.. because it is hard work.. you are still her baby.. and she would die if you died!!! have you ever tried talking to her about ur feelings?? maybe you could try talking to her about some issues you have... like she might not realise that you are hearing her when shes in the bedroom and that it is bring you down whenever she gets stressed out about things... it might and it might not help, but you could try it.. when i was going through my teens i couldnt stand my mother she was the biggest ***** around! i would scream at her i hate you, you are not my real mother.. and lots of other nasty things.. she really was one of my worst enemies.. but now being a bit more mature at 21 i have now realised she is my best friend i can call on her for anything.. but every suituation is different.. just remember that suicide is not the answer... you might like to start looking into religion for the answers of life, God will help you everyday and will never let you down! I hope you start feeling better soon and remember time heals all wounds!

[LeftCoastChick]

It sounds like you are being emotionally abused, you should never ever have to take that from anyone, especially your mother. It's really important that you tell your guidance couselor at work. You should not be in a home that isn't safe and makes you feel suicidal.  I know you feel like your life isn't worth living, but it's because of all the negativity that you are hearing.  I also suggest you see your family doctor, a doctor can't tell your mother, especially in this case.

I have a good website you can find a support hotline, they can also give you a of information as well of where to go for help. NO one should ever yell and take they anger out on you ever!

http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=USA

[lboogie7729]

How old are you? Is there a school counselor that you can talk to? Is your dad aware of your mom's behavior? Do you have siblings or other family members that are aware of what is going on with you mom? You need to talk to someone. Is there anyway you could stay with your dad if he is the more stable parent, or at least the one you perceive to be the parent that cares the most about you?
Don't try to commit suicide! I tried once at 13 and my mom found my vomiting on my back basically having seizures. She just thought I got sick. She didn't know that I had ate a bunch of pain killers and if she hadn't walked in I probably would have died in my own vomit. What a pitiful, disgusting, horrible way for a short life to end. I attempted it 2 more times after that, both resulting in trips to the ER. One included a 13 day stint in a dual diagnosis rehab that cost my parents over $10,000. The next time landed me in ICU for 2 days between 2 heart patients. My parents sat in a waiting room with wives and children of grown men that were dying while their 14 year old daughter racked up yet another bill for purposely hurting herself. Everyone always thinks they are smart enough to 'do it right'. Well what I did would have killed most people but apparently I had the tolerance of an elephant and almost gave myself a heart attack both times. I'm lucky to still be alive, I'll be 32 this month. My parents were teenagers when they had me and some pretty screwed up stuff went on to make me feel like I wanted to die, so I understand where you're coming from. But things usually don't go as planned. Like I said I managed to rack up dept, some people end up brain dead or survive with brain damage or other health issues. Sometimes people do die, and it is a horrible thing for a family, community and school to deal with. People are dying to live, like the gentlemen that were on either side of me in the ICU. Don't do this to yourself, talk to someone and try to get some help!!!