what on earth do i do now

hi its been a while since on here and i have missed the support. reason not been on here our internet died and took a week to get back.

anyway back to why i am again looking for opinon and support etc.well brief history to bring upto date. begining of this year i suddenly woke up out of the blue hating my fiancee and convincing myself i dont love her anymore. this was really upsetting and distressing i had that 24/7 for weeks. i had been through alott of stress at work and at the same time being swopped over medication.
well it had all became too much for me the constant stress adding to me from work and the stress of these thoughts/feelings etc i decided to call it a day and broke up with my fiancee. i was devistaed even when i was with her the thought of breaking up was upsetting but i had no feelings and had these thoughts. we decided to stay friends. For the whole week i felt like someone had died but i still had those thoughts. even when i was with her or without they were there i was going insaine. so all week i missed her and everyting. i saw her a week later and wanted to hug her etc but we didnt it was too soon. anyway i went back to doctor and she said it sounds to me you had a breakdown. she was a relief doctor but was brought back after retirement through a pertion. i was in luck a doctor to take control and listen. so she changed my meds but rather stopping one and starting another she managed to lower one and increase another which was great and it is what i am doing now or in the process.  now i am on 75mg effexor and 20mg citalopram a day. so i am low. i had a stressful day at work with an exam which i managed to do and succeed god knows how but i did. so all this time etc i am getting symptoms of panic attacks, feeling sick,sad,depressed,paulpatations and feeling of loss of insanity.  what i dont understand and this is where i would like to know what it is. i spent the day with fiancee and all was good i felt normal again but afternoon came and the thoughts and feelings came back from no where. they came back but where fluctuating. end of the day i felt tired and they were there more. so the next day i was sad and down didnt see her but the thoughts and feelings were back again. so what is this because what ever angle i look at i am sad depressed and upset. if someone attacks her verbally i attack back. i feel so confused and almost loosing my mind please help!! Is it my depression is it anxiety or is it plain simply deniel and it is over. thing is i had the exact same thing with my last fiancee and we split for good.
the auto thoughts/feelings etc cant really say what type of thoughts weather there concious or not they just seem to appear i get recolection etc of a history similar situation and it starts again. i need serious help please

[Aelens]

Hi richtaz

Yes, you do need seruious help, and you need as soon as possible !!

You need your med's managed properly, but pills alone are not going to sort this out. You also need councelling to help you untangle all your emtional issues, and get you on the road to recovery.

From personal experience I can tell you that the combination of Effexor and Citalopram does not make sense. My doctor suggested this as well, but after increasing the Effexor, and gradually removing the Citalopram completely, I am now dioing very well.

I was admitted after a failed suicide attempt. My doctor made it clear to me from the onset that I had to "keep taking my med's, and seriously work with a counceller". It took me almost a year, and it was tough, but I am now better then ever before.

My med's are important, but it was not until I got serious about eating, excercising, and sorting out the mess in my life, that I really got better.

Every journey starts with the first step, do not wait, the rewards are too great ...

Take care mate !!

Lex.

[nursegirl6572]

It sounds to me like you're dealing with "intrusive thoughts" regarding your fiance.  Intrusive thoughts are the scary unwanted thoughts that seem to senselessly pop into our minds due to anxiety and depression.  They can range from fears of harming someone we love, to being gay...you name it.  They don't have a lot of basis in reality...I always describe them as our minds way of "one upping" our fears.  

I think that you need to keep working to find the right medication regimen and defintiely seek therapy.  Depending on how long you've been on this current medication combination, you may need to give it some more time...typically 4-6 weeks will make a noticeable difference.

Try not to become overly focused on these new worries.  It isn't uncommon for a very stressful situation (like the death of your dad) to trigger new forms of anxiety and depression that we're not familiar with.

I'm very sorry for your loss...be sure to update us on how you're doing!