why do I hate me so much?

[portiaA]

I don't even know what type of question to ask as I have soooo many emotions running through me.... One thing I can say is
Could I be suicidal even though I just can't seem to go through with it? I think about different ways of dying and then I can't go through it.
My life seems to suck right now and I don't want to be here.
Not even sure I'll be here to respond

[Midnightone]

You need to see a doctor or professional immediately. I felt this way when my dad passed away. Life is worth living, you are not able to function on your own so you need help. I have been there.
I walked into my doctors office and said I need your help. He was great. We talked and he put me on a mild antidepressant, I have been taking it for two weeks now, and I am starting to feel better, calmer. like myself.
Dont be afraid to reach out for help, you are worth, even though you may not feel like it.
Please talk to someone - right now....call someone on the phone if you dont want to see anyone in person, but please reach out to someone..
You are hurting, I have been there, I have been emotionally and physically dead - and there is help out there.
Dont do this alone.
There is a reason for feeling like you do, and you need to deal with it, and get help.
I asked for help and it was the best thing that happened to me. I felt so alone like the walls crushing in, I was so out of control, I was scared.
So please for me, reach out to someone. You are loved by people you dont even know. Here is a hug from someone who has been there.

[ParamedFlorena]

Oh dear you, thank you for posting this anyway!
You need to be looking at ways to cope instead of ways to die. I have no clue as of what you're meeting in life, but there is always someone that can listen.

You can be suicidal even if you don't know how to. That is of course where you'd need someone to talk to so that you can un-tie all those knots. A depression is what you describe:
Low self image, thoughts about illness and death, self blame, guilt, regret and feeling that no one values you.

As I'm sure you do also know: Those are things that are possible to work with.

It's very normal to go through a period of sadness or depression in life. Most get much stronger of it! It surely changes a person - and yes, you'll see how strong you really are!

You can read about depression here too:
http://www.medhelp.org/Medical-Dictionary/Terms/1/003213.htm


I'd really appreciate if you did stay in touch, to tell how it goes!

Florena

[CMPINC]

You have come to a place where you are going to meet a lot of people who will be here

for you. But you must try to get some professional help as soon as you can honey. You

can bet that there will be many of us here to walk you through it day by day. Just keep

writing to us and reaching out as much as you can. We are here for you. We all have felt

some level of despair and we want to be there for you. Take that first step though.

Hugs!!
Keep writing as much as you feel like it.
Cynthia

[lonewolf07]

It might be that you want to kill the emotional pain rather than yourself.  I tend to think  that if you were suicidal you'd know.  You would probably have a plan on how to do it.  Do you have such a plan?

My first post here was because I was suicidal, have been in the past and know it will likely happen again.  There is a difference between thinking about it trying it.  I tried to commit suicide and don't think I'll try it again.  The experience was awful - genuinely awful.  I know I've said this before but suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

I really hope you do come back and share somemore of what you are going through.  This is a safe and supportive place, non-judgemental and helpful in practical ways (as in the website mentioned by ParamedFlorena).  Come back even if you win the lottery.  Hugs and good thoughts ....

lonewolf