wow

[jess09groce]

i was datin a guy for 4 years and i'm so inlove wit him but he recently broke up with me and says he wants to be friends but it hurts everytime i see him and talk to him i dont think i can get over it i juss need someone to talk to

[mammo]

It may be best to just make a clean break.  To be his friend and be hurt like this is not worth it.  Sometimes we can be friends with an ex, but not always.  You need time away from him to heal.  Maybe if you weren't his friend, and he couldn't see you, he may realize how much he misses you, and want to reconcile.  Trust me on one thing, someday you will see and understand that this happened for a reason, and for the better.
Try to stay busy, and don't see him.  Four years is a long time to be in a relationship, only to have it end this way.  We've all been there, and I do not trivialize what you are going thru.  But sometimes men want to have their cake and eat it too. So long as he has you for a friend, he knows he still has a chance.  He needs to miss you, and if he doesn't....you've lost nothing, and need to move on. Maybe you need to tell him that you feel it best if the 2 of you make a clean break, and that you just don't feel it's wise to remain friends.  He knows you still love him, so don't even bring feelings into the conversation, this will give him something to think about.  You can get thru this, we've all had broken hearts, and they do heal.  But for you to continue seeing him is not doing you any good, and you need to think of YOU right now, your needs, and wants.  You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.  I do think if there is any hope for a reconciliation, he has to think he has lost you completely, and needs to see what life is like without you, and that you have moved on.  If you should run into him, be happy, upbeat and positive, but don't have time to talk to him.  He wants his freedom, let him have it totally, if he comes back, then he's realizes that he does still love you.  If he doesn't, you can do better and deserve more, and move on.  Try to get out with friends, don't listen to sad songs, try to remain positive.  You're stronger than you know, and will love and be loved again.  Cry, get angry, but get it out so you can move forward.  You will be fine.

[whodunnit]

Sorry Jess but asking for relationship advice from people here is like asking a mechanic how to fix your brain. We screw up relationships. We can help with advice etc on depression, but if we suggest something relationship wise then I'd suggest you do the opposite. Said not really in jest.

Best to ask this question on a forum where people with some expertise may be able to respond helpfully.

[mammo]

Jess, you're in the right place!  We are people who have dealt with every kind of loss imagineable, and have learned coping mechanisms, how to deal with temporary depression, sadness, and pain.  Not all of us have "screwed" up relationships, and all of us have suffered a broken heart, unrelated to depression. There are no experts on any of these blogs, so you won't find expert advice on any of them!  You need to talk with people who have felt like you are feeling, even if someone can just listen and support you, it's worth it.  Just because this is a "Depression" forum does not mean it can even offer good advice on it!  Merely personal experiences, doesn't make it right or wrong.  Stay with us, I know there are others who can and will help you, and I'm sorry someone tried to send you away when you needed help.  We are also not people who "screw up relationships" and I resent this implication!  We are merely people, who for whatever reason have depression, but it doesn't mean we make bad decisions. Everyone makes a bad decison sometime in their life, you learn from it and move on.  But most of us have learned a lot about life, love, and relationships and are eager to pass it on to others needing support.  It's not telling you that you have to do what we think, it is merely our sharing of how we feel and think due to our own experiences.  You CAN benefit from this.  Again, I'm sorry you were met with such negativity.  You will get through this rough time, and emerge a wiser person for it.  You will find happiness, and love again.