The penis spots sound like cysts, not herpes. I suggest you leave them alone and let a doctor have a look. As to the anal sex, it's hard for me to interpret what she had, but again, your symptoms don't sound like those of herpes. Again, a visit to a doctor is recommended. In general, canker sores are inside the mouth, herpes sores are on the outside of the lips.
Best.
Dr. Rockoff