Genital Wart or Nothing??? Confused!

Ok, I am kind of a worry wart anyway (no pun intended)but I need to get yet ANOTHER opinion.  I noticed a small "tag-like" growth on my vulvar area about 4 months ago.  It was hard to notice and it could have been there forever but this is when I noticed it.  I went in and got it checked out.  They said it looked like it could be a wart but applied vinegar and it did not change at all. So I was told it was an "irregular" growth and not to worry. So, I decided I didn't want it there anymore and clipped the top part off.  It seemed to kind of go away and looked less tag-like.  
   So, about a couple weeks ago, I noticed it appeared to be flap/tag looking again.  It didn't seem to be "growing rapidly" or anything. So I got it checked out again from a different clinic and they said it was either a skin tag or a wart, but probably a wart since I am sexually active.  But they couldn't tell by looking--They also applied vinegar.  So I asked them to biopsy it because I wanted to know and stop worrying! Well, now the results are in, and there are no results because it was too small to test!  So, I am back to not knowing.
  My questions are--Don't warts turn white with vinegar? I know also other non-warts may turn white too, so how do you distinguish?  Wouldn't I have had this one grow very quickly or spread?  
   I have been with the same partner for 8 years.  We have broken up and he has had a few other partners, one unprotected, but a monogomous relationship. The last partner was 2 years ago. I am on the pill and
I have never slept with anyone else.  
  Also, would my partner have to have a wart on him for me to get them??  If I do have a wart, does that mean he "carries" HPV too and that I will carry it?
Most importantly, does this seem like a wart?  When they are in the vaginal area, don't they tend to spread?  What other things could this have been?
I am just very confused about all of this and have heard so many different things.  One place said a wart would turn white and spread if not treated.  One place said they wouldn't.
Also, is it true that most people gain immunity once having this?  
I appreciate your help.  I have been reading the forum for quite some time and your advice is always understandable and educated.

Thanks

[Alan Rockoff, MD]

Like many doctors, I don't use vinegar as a diagnostic test because it isn't reliable either way.  It turns lots of things white which aren't warts.

Although genital warts are called "venereal," most of the time you can't tell where you got them--partners don't have them, etc.  The same is true of  warts on the fingers or nore or anywhere else--you can't tell where you got them, so it doesn't really pay to look.  Warts sometimes spead and often don't.

Having said all this, it sounds like you are describing not a wart but a skin tag.  Since it irks you, have a dermatologist cauterize it.  Under local, it takes about a second.

The larger issue you have seems to be: did your straying and returned partner pick up something along the way and give it to you?  I think the way to addres that is to discuss it openly, have the two of you checked to mutual reassurance, and then just get on with it.

Best.

Dr. Rockoff