Had Enough

[Vader418]

I have been a Type 1 diabetic since the age of 1. I have had many problems through the years including a heart attack, three strokes, horrible burning neuropathy in my feet, retinopathy in both eyes for which I have been operated on, lose of sexual function, and just constant pain. I am only 38 years old and my worst problem of all is not being able to take this life anymore. I have been to all sorts of psychiatrists and psychologists, been medicated, gone to support groups and nothing has worked. I would like nothing more than to just end it all, but that would devastate my parents and sister. I just don't know how much more I can take. I am constantly exhausted and enjoy absolutely nothing. PLEASE help.

[JDRF-Team-sgg]

It sounds to me, my friend, that you need some support from others who are type 1 diabetics. I want to suggest that you contact the Online Diabetes Support Team of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Here's how you do this: go to the website, www.jdrf.org and click on the link on the left side of the page under the header "Newly Diagnosed" (even though you are a long-timer like myself), "Online Diabetes Support Team (ODST)". You will be taken to a page where you can fill out a short form to give us some information about you (like what you wrote here). Your request will be sent directly to someone who is moderating the ODST program right now and who will assign you to one of our volunteers. That volunteer will contact you in a couple of days.  I think you might be wise also to ask them to have the nearest chapter of JDRF contact you also so that you can meet some other type 1 people in your locale.

I am one of the volunteers for the Online Diabetes Support Team, and your complaint is one that many type 1 diabetic people have. The daily tightrope walk is exhausting and most people who write to us state that they feel all alone. Somehow, knowing that others understand fully seems to help us cope. I strongly urge you to contact us!!! You will be paired with the volunteer who is best suited to your needs, and hopefully you will be encouraged by this.

I want to make one more suggestion to you. You mention constant exhaustion, and I wonder if you have had your adrenal gland function tested??? Like you, I am a long-time type 1 diabetic (38 years on insulin). I happen to have an identical twin who was diagnosed at the same time that I was. My energy levels are great as long as my sugar levels are in control, but my twin has complained for a number of years of constant exhaustion. Recently, her fatigue has gotten worse, and she has had all sorts of tests run. Finally, just a week ago, she had a test done to determine whether her adrenal glands are functioning and she discovered that they, like the pancreas' insulin-producing cells, have stopped functioning. The cause is the same: the immune system has attacked her adrenal glands and destroyed them. The GOOD news is that this diagnosis of Addison's disease (in case you wish to research it) is very treatable. All she will need to do is to take daily doses of the hormones that she no longer makes in pill form. She may have to adjust the dose some when she gets sick or when she has activities that use up her normal dose of adrenalin, but she was told that she should start feeling better almost immediately. But your description of fatigue and depression sound very much like classic symptoms of this condition, so I would encourage you to have it checked out.

Anyway, if exhaustion is a problem, I would suggest that first, you make sure that your glucose levels are under good control (for if they are NOT, exhaustion is a result). If you are under good diabetic control, and high or low glucose is not the reason for the fatigue, you may want to ask your doctor to check your adrenal function. Finding the source of the problem is the first step to feeling better.

I understand your depression, believe me. I think all of us long-timers sometimes feel that way, sick of the daily balancing act. Personally, I try hard to focus my thoughts on the other things in life that I consider important (and those people who love you are some of those important things) and let my thoughts dwell on those things. That doesn't mean that I ignore the diabetes, but it does mean that I have made a conscious CHOICE to put my life focus on my career, my family, etc. while trying to make the diabetic care requirements second nature enough to allow me to just build them into my routine without making them my primary life focus. For ME, this attitude game seems to work.

I also have my beloved twin to share with when I am down and out. So that is why I truly believe that you should contact our Online Diabetic Support Team so that you can get connected to someone who fully understands your issues. Through this program, we can deal in a much more personal way with people, and you can develop an online support friend who can help encourage you. Don't give up, for we are here for you! Don't give up... get help!!! Contact us!

[imtko]

I am a Type 1 diabetic, for about a year now. i just posted something of your sort but more mild below. I can understand a little about how you are feeling, and there is nothing that i or anyone else here should be able to prove to you, you have been through it all. My adivce in this situation, is "live". You have been put on this planet to live, so do it. Live for your sister and your parents, and for yourself. I bet its hard, but time goes on, new things happen, medicine move forward. You are a very ill person, but by what i can tell from your writing, you are no coward ! Try to talk to more professionals, ask them how they can ease your life, find some activity or hobby that you can do in comfort, and do it. There must be something that will make you happy, make it your goal to find it. Once you do, use it to better your life. Search all over the world for best medicines, see many doctors, learn all you can, and who know, maybe someday, in many years from now on, youll be able to say "im still here, im here and i am living my life with my family" I think you are too damn brave for anythying else. I truly hope that you feel much better, that your day to day life improves! Hold on brother !

[pumperJ]

I'm almost 30 years old and have had Type I diabetes for 11 years. I too have had periods of time when I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and you know what -sometimes it's OK to feel this way because it is an overwhelming disease, which requires constant care, and it sometimes doesn't feel fair that we, diabetics, have to do extra work, like doing the job for our pancreas, while others don't have to think about it at all. But the truth is, whether it's a medical condition that makes us feel depressed or other issues, like a loss of a loved one, difficult financial situation or a failed relationship, many people go through these feelings of hopelessness and the thought to just "end it all" may at times feel like an only option. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but it doesn't matter since my beliefs are not really consistent with my religion and this is my theory: if you end your physical life, that is all you're ending -your mental state and emotions will still remain and the suffering does not just go away. This is the time and place to get better -not on the other side. The time will come for that when it does. There is a reason why you're here right now and the length of your life has a purpose as well -it is not for you to decide to shorten it. However, IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. The fact that you are reaching out for help means you want to get better and want to live and I can pretty much guarantee you that life can dramatically get better for you, if you let it. I've been having a hard time myself for a while with an issue that's not related to my diabetes (but that doesn't really help either) and although I've been surrounded by well meaning people who truely love and care for me and want me to feel better I have been sinking deeper and deeper into this depressed state until one of my friends asked me if I want to get better in the first place, or am I just resigned to feel bad for the rest of my life. And that woke me up. Sometimes we unconsciously sabotage ourselves and give up trying to get better because it's too exhausting but most of all we don't really believe we're gonna get better. And that's where the problem lies. Life is not always fun 'cause if it was we wouldn't know it :) having nothing to compare it to. Judging from your letter it seems though as if you're always feeling down and that you have been trying to get better. The point is DON'T STOP TRYING! You will succeed, I'm sure of it. Even if your success just means getting through the rest of your natural life -that's an accomplishment in itself. I know you have been through terrible pain and have felt frustrated but ask yourself this: what would make you truly happy? How are all the medical problems affecting yourf life and stopping you from being happy? What would it take for you to want to live and enjoy what life has to offer? Sometimes it's hard to get help when we're not absolutely sure of what it is we want to get help in. That has been my issue. There have to be ways to allieviate at least some of the symptoms you're having and I want you to challenge yourself to find them. After all, what have you got to lose? Your alternative won't solve anything but you can get help-trust me! I really really hope you'll consider giving yourself a break -not being hard on yourself and accepting some limitations to being a human with a medical condition.
There are millions of us just like you yet many times we all feel like we're alone and nothing will help us. Just remember it's not true and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel -in this life :)

[Shell10]

Hi!

  I got diabetes when I was seven years old and have now had it for about 25 years.  I am so sick of the day in and day out of having this disease.  My doctors say that I could go on dialysis if I don't focus on testing and keeping it under control.  I also get a lot of pain in my feet and recently it has gone to other parts of my body.  I have had laser surgery on both of my eyes.  I too have been through the therapy.  I was just looking for some support groups on the net to see if it could help me any.  Then I saw your posting. Thank you for posting it.  Sometimes this disease does get very lonely and you feel like nobody else could possibly know what you are going through.

[lmgr]

Hi..I just read your post and wonder if I could ask a couple of questions.  I only ask these because I want to be of help if possible; I am not diabetic but my 16 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 when he was 12 years old and he gets very frustrated and tired of it as well.  Are you taking care of yourself as far as your blood sugars and keeping your readings where they should be?  Also, do you smoke cigarettes?  I'm asking because some of the problems you have had and I wonder what they may be a result of...please do not think I am judging...I just know that you must feel better, at least physically, if you are taking care of your diabetes.  I can only imagine how difficult this is - and see through my son how frustrating it can be.  I have had to stay on my son and let him know I will not stand by and watch him not take care of this disease - he knows I do this because I love him and because diabetes MUST be taken care of.

I do hope things get better for you and please take care of yourself.

[Paris47]

Please take care, this forum can be of great support, I browsed over here from the hep c forum which is my problem. But I have a son age 23, type 1 since age 13, has been in psy wards since age 11, currently in the hospital with seizures, last one he had in the shower, alone obviously & has 3rd degree burns on his arm & side, not sure if they are going to be able to do much, not healing well, he has various forms of mental illness, phobias and eating disorders associated with his diabetes. I hope every day he can find some reason to go on...please take care as you have already started on this forum, the exhaustion is alot, as my son would tell you, he lives knowing had his dad committed suicide, and that is the one reason he wants to live, to not put others thru that, but yet he constantly attempts to end his life as he is so tire too. I don't know how, but I just feel it 'has' to get better, I will keep you in my prayers , if that doesn't offend anyone.

[catdancing]

After 39 years of living with type 1 diabetes and being told all the lies by the medical field about a possible cure. I have come to a decision about the condition. My decision comes from multiple experience with many different so called professionals in the medical field.
The medical field hasn't a clue as to what living with diabetes is like after all none of them do. They just preach and tell you all you are doing wrong.

As for a cure?? Why on earth would they want to cure such a money making condition? It would unemploy too many people.

I read an article in Diabetes in Control last week that said they are figuring out that type 1 diabetes may not be caused from the immune system attacking itself it may be something entirely different.

If you were to look at all the money that has been spent on trying (or so they say) to find a cause and cure for this condition I feel sure all the type 1's in the world would have all their medical bills and drugs paid for. They have gotten no where. If you think about that for a minute compair it to polio When Roosevelt ( the president) had it he started the March of Dimes and a preventtion was found for this in 2 yrs. Yet because no presidents have type 1 diabetes this condition to date has no know cause or any chance of a cure.

In my 39 yrs of having this the medical field has done me more harm than good I am to the point that I no longer listen to them. My blood sugars are in great control.

I want to know where it is these medical people came up with their numbers for normal blood sugar levels. All my life i've been told 80-120 is normal. Now I have a friend who is a type 2 diabetic he says he doc wants his levels between 80-170. Where do these numbers come from and how would they know? I don't think they do.