Juvenile Diabetes and depression

[Josephsmom]

My son was diagnosed in August.  He has been having a terrible time with being so down and hard on himself.  I know he understands that diabetes is not his fault, but inside, I think he is blaming himself.  He is saying things like "I hate myself", "why do these bad things always happen to me".  He knows that he has a lot of good things in his life, family who loves him to pieces, horses, dogs, cats, and a load of support for what he is going through, he is only 10, and seems to let the diabetes over shaddow the happy things he does have.  I feel so bad for him, he cries at school all of the time now, and boy, that is a target for the kids at school, so he now is also dealing with names like baby and cry baby.  I know this sounds little, but it is just tearing him apart, and I know that diabetes is absolutely terribe, but I want my son's smile back and don't know what to do.  We have comforted him, educated him, talked with him, but yesterday, he had another episode where he got very upset over something that was very minor and he began to cry.  His number was normal, not high, but his emotional trigger has been changed so much, and it really bothers him.  He is an exceptional student grade wise, and very respectful to his teachers.  He just has these moments of losing emotional control, and I don't know how to help him.  Any suggestions or similar experiences out there?

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

Josephsmom,
Depression and chronic illness are not an uncommon combination, and it impacts those of us with diabetes, too.  "Clinical depression" is real and it's much more than just feeling blue or down.  It is also quite treatable with a good psychiatrist, psychologist team.  Medication often works wonders and there are many meds "out there" to help.  Self-loathing words can sometimes lead to self-destructive behaviors and since you are concerned enough to reach out here for some help, please also consider the next step of getting professional help for Joseph.  He may "resist," (in part because he can't really imagine relief from his worries) but with your support and involvement, he can regain a full life.

I'd encourage you to find a good counselor -- perhaps not only for your son, but one who can help your whole family cope.  Our children are quite sensitive to cues they pick up from parents, siblings, friends and relatives and other there can be issues beyond diabetes that contribute to a depression cycle.

I'm not a physician, but have seen both the devastating effects of depression in my family, and also the return to balance with counseling and medication.  

Good luck.  I hope you'll check in again, as I'd expect more comments to be posted (depression and diabetes are not an uncommon combination).  Let us know how you're all doing, too.

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

Josephsmom,
I should've mentioned one more TERRIFIC and very personal resource accessible either thru MedHelp or thru JDRF directly.  It's called te JDRF online diabetes support team (ODST).

Thru that site, you can be contacted by a person who's "been there" and can offer support in a more private and personal way than our bulletin board.  

Here's one way to get to ODST:
http://www.jdrf.org

Click on LifeWithDiabetes (one of the link across the TOP)

Then look in the "box" on the LEFT of the screen.  Click on Online Diabetes Support Team.

Good luck again, Josephsmom.  Moms of diabetic kids carry a heavy responsibility and deserve strong support.

[jdrf team dm]

Dear Josephsmom,
Your post has really touched my heart. My son was diagnosed at eight and went through the very same experience your son is going through. Believe me when I say no one will think this is a little thing that he is going through, especially at school. Kids can be very cruel as they don't understand what he is dealing with. I am a volunteer and not a physician, however, as a mom with a son with diabetes I can tell you my own experience. I found that my son was going through a type of grief. He also had emotional episodes at school and was teased alot. It can be an intolerable situation for him and you as his parent.
I agree with LRS, counceling is the best thing that happened to our family. My son did go through some very self-destructive behavior, but he is now a healthy 27 year old with a much more positive outlook. At 10 years old, your son is at a very sensitive age and wants to be like everyone else his age. He might look at himself as different then others and this is a difficult issue to deal with (not to mention dealing with peers and his diabetes).
I would also second LRS's suggestion to contact the JDRF online diabetes support team. I would also like for you to see his smile back. Until we find a cure and we will, he needs to know that while diabetes is very hard, it can be managed, both emotionally and through medical management.

Please keep in touch and let us know how he is doing. We are here to help.

Best to you,
dm

[Josephsmom]

As I am wiping away the tears from my eyes, I want to say thank you.  I know that many people go through this, and that parents weep for thier childen, but to have someone relate to what I am expressing and not just saying, it will be ok, has over whelmed my heart.  I wish we had the power to take our childrens' illnesses and pains and carry that confusion, pain and frustration for them.  But I know we can not.  I just want to help him and prepare him to take this disease and fight with all of his might and take control rather than let it take control of him.  I will be calling our family dr and getting a referal for him to talk with someone, and will also visit the web site suggested.  Thank you again.

[jdrf team dm]

Dear Josephsmom,
Well, it's my turn to wipe my tears with your response. I just want you to know how much your reply meant to me. I have found that as parents with children with diabetes, support from others going through this can help. I know that is what helped me. I'm glad you are talking to his doctor for a referral and I do hope you contact the ODST. Please keep in touch.
dm

[teresab]

Dear josephsmom,l cried when I read your question. I am a type 1 diabetic but I was diagnosed in my 20's so I was not robbed of my childhood.  I am 43 now. Three years ago, my niece was diagnosed.She would ask me questions like what do you hate the most and are you afraid.  She had terrible mood swings. My sister (her mom) found that the swings in blood sugars were more a problem than the highs. My sister insisted on the pump for her even though some professionals said 8 was too young. I will say the pump has allowed more of a normal life for her. She has now managed the counting of the carbs and pump bolus herself. I don't mean she doesent still have hard days. My sister also got her involved with the local hospital that had a recreation night for type 1 s--she bonded with other children like herself to know she was not alone. Our whole family walks in the jdrf walk and Jessica receives prizes for teh money we help her raise. My sister and I also painted her bedroom with the tennis shoes walking around her room ( the jdrf symbol) we put her trophies from jdrf on her shelves. My niece who is 9 now and I have "I hate diabetes days".Of course, she is able to eat a little more treats on the pump. We drive around town yelling I hate diabetes then reward ourselves with a movie. All I can say is bless his heart. The community and school need to be there for him. Ask the school to help him with a support friendshiop group.God bless you and your son. Please understand that even with support he may still have sad days. I am a fairly happy person, yet I have days where I weep still---its just very hard.

[Larry68]

I hurt every time I hear of a child diagnosed with diabetes. I was diagnosed as a child (age 13) and I am now in my 50's, but I would like to give you a perspective from the child's point of view. It is an experience that has not changed much in the last 40 years, and something I can not ever put out of my mind.

Diabetes is totally life changing for a child. Friends see you as different, and will treat you either as an outcast or with pity. At age 13, other boys are unpleasant. At 10, they are worse! Your son will not be allowed follow the same path he was on before, but can forge a new an very positive one.

1. Do not become overprotective. I could tell my parents were always worried about my health and future, and that made me believe my future was in doubt (I actually believed I would be dead by age 30).

2. Teach him that diabetes is manageable and that he can live a completely normal life. Help him to not be afraid to be open about it. Teach him that it is part what he is now, and to accept it. Teach him that is it NOT a handicap, and that he should never be afraid to do (or let anyone prevent him from doing) anything a reasonable non-diabetic would do because of it.

3. Teach him (and yourself) all there is to know about his disease so that he knows the consequences of not accepting it, and so that you and he can evaluate the competence and suggestions of the medical practitioners he sees. Diabetes treatment is self directed, with assistance from physicians, not the other way around. Full medical understanding of the disease is a required skill of the diabetic to maintain self , weed out incompetent or careless doctors, and identify new opportunities for life improvement

I did not die at 30, although the expectation of never having a normal life led me to feel isolated, have few friends and not control my disease. I had suffered many of the resultant complications by that time.

My parents were very good and loving, but failed in the above 3 steps, instead trying to make my life as "normal as possible" within bounds. Their mistake, my suffering.

Your child will never be the same little boy he was, but he can grow up to be a person with a bright future and unrestricted horizons. I recovered from my "handicap" after 30, and I still have my sight, mobility and feeling, all of which were at severe risk at 30.

My life is now happy, successful and I have 4 healhty children and a grandson!.

Celebrate you new child, and do not mourn the old one. He is now a diabetic. Teach him and yourself to accept it, live it and be proud of conquering it. Don't make him wait through 20 years of doubt, low self esteem and bodily destruction before he finds himself. The tools are out there for his physical and mental health. Learn them, teach them, and use them.

I wish him a happy, health and productive life and a bright future, and you the strength to lead him there..

Sincerely,
Larry

[jdrf team dm]

Dear larry68,
Your response to everyone was so intelligent and filled with such compassion. I can not thank you enough for your input. I hope you continue to help us and others with your wisdom with 40 years experience with diabetes. Especially with our need to help parents and children going through all of the problems that we all deal with. If you would not mind I would appreciate it if you could contact me through ODST. It is a one on one support team through the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.
If you are interested you can go to hhtp://www.jdrf.org, click on LifeWithDiabetes, the box on the left of the screen is Online Diabetes Support Team. I would really like to hear from you. If I don't hear from you, please continue to respond to the questions we recieve.
Take Care,
dm

[Drewwas3]

My son has terrible mood swings and his attention span is very short. This happens almost always when we are having trouble keeping his blood sugar below 200. We go through these periods every so often...uping his Lantus, throwing out "bad" insulin and doing around the clock shots of humulog...but to no avail. We are tired and frustrated watching our son feel and behave so terribly. Our doctor says we are doing amazingly well as his A1HCs are 7.5, but it is hard for a six year old to understand that. We are seeking family counseling, hoping it will help. I just wanted to know how unusual is it for a young child to be so miserable? How bad does his sugar make him feel? I just wish I could be him to understand what he goes through. Hope you can give some insight. Thanks.

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

I think that every parent of a child with DM would switch places with their child in a heartbeat.  It's frustrating to be a loving & worried parent and also a 24*7 on-call physician, nurse, coach, and CDE.

I've had diabetes for 35+ years and was dx'd as a teen.  My older sister was dx'd at age 9 and her younger daughter was dx'd at 4.  In my parents eyes and in my sister's eyes as a parent, I see more agony and pain than in most diabetics who gradually come to accept and adapt quite well.  A parent's pain seems forever.

HIgh blood sugars often make us feel much like a non-diabetic might feel when "down" with the flu or overtired from not having slept well in days.  Same with lows, tho' those are often more pronounced.  Someone with too high/low BG might not actually to find the words or the tone of voice they're trying to find, in order to express ourselvces.  Again, much like feeling waaaay overtired.

You can likely relate to the lack of sleep part, as most parents of DMers are sleep deprived for periods that can seem endless.  Anyway, it IS tough to distinguish "bad behavior" from "diabetes-induced bad behavior."

My recommendation is to coach your son at times when his BG is normal. Coach him on expected behaviors, good manners, how to ask for help, and how to say to you or his teachers "please, I feel lousy from my diabetes right now; can we do XXX a little later?"  Kids need help to find the ways to label their emotions and also how they feel physically.  You can do a lot to help him find safe ways to communicate.  Over time you migth have shortcut phrases that his loving "care team" can tune into but won't necessarily mean anything to anyone else.  It's a code, really.  

There's a huge difference between tolerating the bad hours/days that DM will inevitably bring and simply tolerating generally disrespectful behavior.  I'm not suggesting you tolerate bad behavior in general.  I hope that with help (it's GREAT you're on your way to family counseling because DM affects the whole family - other siblings, too) you'll begin to have an easier time riding the bumps.  Tuck away this one parting idea -- Managing diabetes is much more like completing a marathon than it is completing a sprint.  We all need to find sustainable ways of dealing with ever-present disease.  It's possible to achieve perfect BG control for one minute, one hour, maybe even one day.  It's inhumane to expect ourself or our loved ones to sustain perfect BG for one whole week or month, much leess one whole lifetime.  Soo, we have to find ways to ride the bad times ...

Hope this long reply has some morsals that resonate with you.  Your Drew is blessed to have you in his court, on his side, even tho' your fmaily has endured some mis-steps along the way (we all have) ... and once he's no longer a "kid," you'll likely see & hear his gratitude in many magnificent ways.