Worried about problems

[gina972]

I am in dire need of not knowing how to help my 15 y/o son. He was diagnosed type 1 diabetes 1 year ago. At first he was very active in his care, testing and taking his injection. His sugar levels range from 170 to over 300.  Now I can’t get him to school. I all most have to sit on him to give him his injections. He has become depressed. He has a general feeling of worry, discontent. His has been suffering from muscle cramps, fatigue and appears to be having panic attacks. At times he won’t go to any public place that has a lot of people inside. Even if it’s a place he asked me to take him. At his last visit to his endocrinologist’s office, they got on him about not taking care of him self and his response was as it is to almost everything now was “What’s the point”. He was threatened to be hospitalized for this and his response was to blame me of trying to get rid of him, then he agreed to their terms and they let him go home. We battle every day as I try, usually unsuccessful to get him to go to school.  Even my sister changed her routine and comes everyday to drive him to school so I can do my 44 mile drive to work.  He has missed so much school they are threatening to expel him. I have missed so much work that my job is in jeopardy. I had to find a therapist that could see him on Saturday, which I did. He won’t talk to her and I am paying for him to sit there and say nothing for an hour. Then after the appointment he won’t speak to me for hour.  I am so scared; I don’t know where else to turn and don’t know how to save my son.

[JDRF-VOL-RL]

Hi.  I'm not a medical professional, just the parent of a kid with diabetes.  Do his friends help out with watching out for him?  Have you talked to his friends about this?  Do you have any local JDRF support group you can turn to?  He needs to find someone with diabetes around his age level that he can talk to, someone who can be a postive influence for him, or at least a sounding board.  There are online diabetes groups for teens, if he's into that sort of thing.  Your endo may be able to suggest a counselor that he could talk to.  Many of the pump companies have them on staff.  Have you heard anything from the school about issues there with other kids?  Did something happen which set him off down this path?

Diabetes sucks, and he knows it better than anyone.  Try not to be so negative about it, from everything I've been told that makes it worse, just forcing him more into his depression.  As hard as it sounds, be positive and supportive.  Get him to talk about what he's going through with someone he trusts, and if it is someone his age with diabetes that would be good but not required.  Be empathetic, and help him work out his issues.  He's in a tough time in any young adult's life, the teen years are a huge struggle.  And he's got to deal with diabetes on top of that, which does not make it any easier.

[gina972]

I have tried to get him to talk about what he is feeling. He just says I don’t understand. I told him I can’t understand because he won’t talk about it. I don’t know what he is feeling. I am a single parent and we have always had a great relationship. He was always able to tell me what he was feeling in the past.  I know he is a teenager now and I know that is adding to the situation.

I have talked about it with his friend and he told me he never talks about it. I have asked him to see if he can find out what is really bothering him and he tell him nothing. My son keeps everything bottled up.  I don’t talk negative about his diabetes. I encourage him that he can live a normal life just by taking care of himself.  I know he is in a tough place right now, but he is trashing his life and I will not permit it.  I fight for him and his rights. He is a very kind, loving   person. He has climbed into a hole and won’t come out. I have tried to get him to go to support groups and he won’t go.
There are no issues at school when he goes. I have set up all types of support for him at school. I have everyone on board on trying to make it easer to be around large groups of people.

The only thing I force is his shots which he needs and I try to get him to school. He is still in the honeymoon stage. His sugar can go as high as 379. I have joined him in his food requirements. I only have what he can have. I do everything I can to try and make life as normal as possible. He is sinking and sinking fast. His therapist said that if he does not go to school I am to take away everything his enjoys. I tried it and it did not bother him. I gave it all back because I am afraid of idle time on his hands.  I am just at the end of my rope as where to turn next for help

[JDRF-VOL-RL]

Thanks for the response.  He's right when he says you don't understand, we don't have the same disease our children have.  I'm the same way with my daughter, I just don't understand what she goes through.  That's why I suggested finding someone his age with diabetes that he could talk to.  That would be a person he could relate to, someone experiencing the same thing he is, someone who would "get it".  If you need help finding someone, JDRF's online support team can help you get connected with someone.  Here's how to contact them:  http://www.jdrf.org/index.cfm?page_id=103451

[gina972]

thanks, I just contacted JDRF's online support team.

[JDRF-VOL-RL]

Good luck, I hope you can find someone he can talk to.

[ashley_dawn]

WOW, I first just want to say that I'm glad to hear someone (the JDRF vol) finally admit that you don't and won't understand.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 when I was 13 and everyone kept trying to get me to talk and they would say that they understand this or that, but the truth of the matter is that (well for me anyway) no one really gets it. I felt, and sometimes occasionally still do feel, completely alone and that no one could really understand how I was now this different person that would never be "normal" It's  cool that you've tried to limit yourself like your son has to because you really want to make it easier for him, but honestly that could have the opposite affect. It could just make it more obvious to him that he isn't a regualr teenager and he has to eat differently. It's only been pretty recently, I'm 27 now, that I've started to be more open with my friends about my diabetes and what I go through or when I have highs or lows, so it's not surprising to me that your son hasn't been open with his friends about what's going on with him or how he feels.

Obviously I can't tell what will work for your son, cause I think it's different for everybody with diabetes, but can I suggest talking to the school nurse. Maybe find out if there are other kids in his high school that have diabetes that he might be able to meet up with. But don't try to make it a big deal or that it's a real formal group meeting. Even just 1 kid that might be willing to hang out with your son and be "not normal" together......anyway, that could just sound stupid, but I'm willing to share some of my personal experiences with you if think it might be helpful at all.

I really wish the best for your both!!!  

[Forum-vol-cmb]

Hi-I have been diabetic for 26 years-diagnosed at 10 and went through some depression and anxiety, feelings of isolation-many things your son is going through.  RL is right, dawn is right being diabetic stinks and being the parent of a diabetic stinks!  My mother followed my diet and I appreciated it. I think my mom does understand in certain ways and she feels in her heart that if she could have been diagnosed with diabetes instead of me she would have gladly done it. So far my children are healthy, but my greatest fear is that one of them will be diagnosed with diabetes.  I believe that if your son could talk to other teens with diabetes it would help as RL suggested.  I never had anyone to talk to until I met a girl, my age (not until I was in my 20s)and we went on and on about what we must do.  I can relate to your son in many ways--I did not tell anyone I was diabetic until I really could trust them-and to this day-I don't talk about it too much because I still have those thoughts in my head that I am no different then anyone else and I am not going to make a big deal or feel sorry for myself or have anyon e else feel sorry for me either.  I can also relate to what dawn saidtoo! But I know I am the person I am today because of all I went through!!  I am determined and proud and know that I can do anything I want to do if I put my mind to it!  My life proves it-I just want you to know that you are doing great-keep it up!  Don't stop trying-you guys will get through this-contacting JDRF was a great step.

[LauraRP]

I've been Type 1 for 21 years. I was diagnosed when I was 13. My Mom tried everything to help me and all I did was get depressed and totally deny I even had a problem. But looking back I can see that my Mom sure loved me because she sacrificed so much for me. She wanted to help, but had no idea how to reach me and to be honest she never did. I had to come to terms with it myself and I eventually did. Yes, I had years of being out of control, but I've learned my lesson and now I've wised up and dealing with whatever I can to make sure I stay that way. DON'T LOSE HOPE.