motivation to manage my diabetes

I am writing as I feel I have no where else to go.  I have been a diabetic since age 6, 21 years ago. My diabetes has never been under control.  A1c always high, never feel well.  I was doing better when I found out I was pregnant and had a beautiful, healthy boy.  Since having him, I have been doing horrible.  My A1c is currently 10.9, I have had lazer surgery on my eyes for retinopathy.  I just can't seem to get motivated to take care of myself.  I am "afraid" to check my sugars knowing they will be high.  I feel like I have no support around me with family and friends and co workers.  I can't find a way to balance work, house work, my son and my husband.  I just don't want to take care of me.  Any suggestions on how to get myself back into a frame of mind to take care of my self and test regularly?

[JDRF-VOL-SG]

I suspect that you fall into the same problem that many of us type 1 folks do: seeing high numbers as 'BAD' rather than simply as information needed to keep you healthy. We tend to live with feelings of guilt when we test and the numbers are not in the 'normal' range. And this causes many diabetic people to avoid testing