motivation to manage my diabetes

[njm18]

I am writing as I feel I have no where else to go.  I have been a diabetic since age 6, 21 years ago. My diabetes has never been under control.  A1c always high, never feel well.  I was doing better when I found out I was pregnant and had a beautiful, healthy boy.  Since having him, I have been doing horrible.  My A1c is currently 10.9, I have had lazer surgery on my eyes for retinopathy.  I just can't seem to get motivated to take care of myself.  I am "afraid" to check my sugars knowing they will be high.  I feel like I have no support around me with family and friends and co workers.  I can't find a way to balance work, house work, my son and my husband.  I just don't want to take care of me.  Any suggestions on how to get myself back into a frame of mind to take care of my self and test regularly?

[JDRF-VOL-SG]

I suspect that you fall into the same problem that many of us type 1 folks do: seeing high numbers as 'BAD' rather than simply as information needed to keep you healthy. We tend to live with feelings of guilt when we test and the numbers are not in the 'normal' range. And this causes many diabetic people to avoid testing — sort of the idea of what we don't know, we don't have to deal with.

But as you are experiencing, the damage happens this way. I truly think the real motivation is in learning to look at the numbers differently. When a non-diabetic person eats a meal, his or her glucose levels rise, just like ours do. The difference is that in those people, the brain senses that glucose levels are getting too high, and the brain instructs the pancreas to produce more insulin. If their glucose levels start to drop too low, the brain again controls the pancreas' action. In OUR case, we do the same thing, but instead of our brains communicating with our pancreases, we test and then adjust to the numbers we see.

So the number is not a bad thing. It is instead much-needed information: you can't adjust or correct if you don't know what your levels are. So you simply test often and adjust with quick-acting insulin if the number is too high. If you have an insulin-to-carb ratio worked out that is proper for you, you can do the math and take the perfect amount of insulin to normalize those levels within about 2-3 hours. Then test again... if too low, sip some juice or eat a small snack. If still high, take more insulin. By learning to do this, you normalize your sugar levels every time you test. And when your levels are normalized every 3 hours or so, your a1c comes down all by itself and your blood vessels cease to be damaged.

What ends up happening is that you WANT to know what your levels are so you can reach the normal levels as often as possible during the day. You will notice if you start doing this that you will feel GOOD. I notice a marked difference in energy levels and general feeling of well-being when my levels stay close to normal.

Yes, for a mom of a little child, taking the time is not easy. But it only takes a minute, and you can test and adjust while you watch your child play. Or go to the bathroom at work and adjust in between meals. I work full-time and I am also a mom, and it is possible. You just have to get to the point where you feel like you are missing something if you DON'T know what your levels are. And that takes some time. Just start with one test and normalization at a time, and try to do it again 3 hours later. One step at a time is much easier than to look at the overall picture.

Finally, if you would like to communicate via e-mail with another type 1 who can encourage you, you may want to try going to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) website at www.jdrf.org and click on the link for the Online Diabetes Support Team. Ask to be matched with another type 1 person with a similar situation for support and someone will contact you.