Re: Diabetic Sister (see previous email below)

[carolspeight]

I understand what you all are saying. BELIEVE ME, we've discussed continuing counseling with her and she refuses. She has had diabetes since she was 7 years old and she has always been the type that's going to do what she wants, when she wants no matter what anyone says.  The Dr. gave her medication for depression, and now she thinks as long as she has this medication, her insulin pump and meds for neuropathy in her legs that everything is fine. You've read all that she's went through...what does this mean for her? She has a small son...8 years old. He's there with her day and night. If we try to talk to her about this, she breaks off all contact with the family...and we don't hear or see her for days. He has witnessed the vomiting daily...weight loss...daily nap after nap...uncontrollable bodily waste...trips to ER. What does this mean for her? I can't take it! Is the end near? Do we need to prepare for the worst? She's doing okay for now...but just when we think she's getting better, something else happens like the gangrene appendix, pumping blood from her nose because she has bleeding ulcers. I want something I can print out and give her to read that will wake her up...make her realize that this is what's happening and if she doesn't take care of herself this is the consequence for it. Myself, my mom, the doctor, etc. have all told her what will happen if she doesn't take care of herself and she doesn't care. I think she thinks that nothing bad will happen to her even though she's witnessed things happen to other people...it's just not real enough to her..

[teresab]

Carol--

I read you comments with great sadness. I too am a type 1 diabetic. It is very hard to explain but for years I ignored my own health---I 'll call it denial. I would go periods of time where I did not test. I felt exhausted with the disease, my life was stressed enough. I am a divorce lawyer and it seemed like it took all my energy to take care of everything else in my life like my clients and my  high functioning autistic son. Several years ago, my 6 year old niece was diagnosed with type 1. She started asking me questions and worrying about me. Once I had the flu and she started crying at school, said she was worried about me.I realized that she thought everything that happens to me will happen to her. I finally cried and grieved my lost of good health 14 years after I was diagnosed.I am sure I will pay for the years of poor decisions, but I'm trying now. My niece told me although people take care of her--nobody understands how hard this disease is. She is right. She and I have I hate diabetes celebrations---movie ect,. I would tell my sister that I love her-and talk to her of burn out with the disease. My sister gets up during the night to test her child and has said I could stay with her to have her manage me to give a break from the illness----I know it sounds extreme, but I feel the med prof don't always understand burn out. I would also try having her child talk about any fears he has. Perhaps it would help. It certainly may help for her to meet a friend with the same illness to share things with.God bless

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

Carolspeight,
I can feel your pain.

GG's reminder that we can adjust/change ourselves much more sucessfully than we can change anyone else is an important reminder.  AND, we adults know it's tough to change ourselves.

In your second post, you also mention your young nephew.  At this point, my concern would be for him and doing what's necessary to make sure he's getting competent care and nurturing.  Your sister is making choices for herself, and they are heartbreaking.  If she is endangering her child, however, then the compassionate thing to do is to get professional intervention.  The child's well-being needs to be paramount, IMO.

Good luck, Carol, this all seems enormous and well beyond "just" diabetes and its complications.  Your story underscores the enormous emotional component that this disease can carry.  Please stay in touch.  We're all pullin' for you.

[JDRF Team SGG]

Carol, the timing of your postings is interesting to me because I am now in the process of an e-mail correspondence with the child of a diabetic dad who finally died of complications from the disease. This person is now an adult, thinking of writing a book about the family's experience as they tried to help the father in his last days. Now, this man apparently did not ignore his care, but was diagnosed before all the modern advancements made it possible to protect himself from damages. The now-adult child writes that nobody ever prepared him or her for how dificult it would be for him or her to watch the father deteriorate. My point is that diabetes frequently does affect loved ones greatly. Like the previous two commenters, I would strongly suggest that you focus your energies on helping her son, for he is old enough to fear for his mother's life, and to have his own life affected by what he sees. And I would encourage you to be that quiet little voice to encourage her and love her unconditionally, no matter whether she appears to change her behavior or not. You may make more of a difference than you will ever see.

[JDRF-Team-gg]

Carol,

I too, am not a medical professional so the information that I provide is just my opinion as a Mom of a 16 year old girl that has had diabetes since she was 21 months old.  

I believe that a person's attitude toward any obstacle in life makes all the difference in the world.  This applies to everyone.  Sometimes we can't change what we'd like to, no matter how hard we try.  If you believe that your sister is going to do what she wants to do regardless of the information and help she's received (and it sounds like she's received alot!), maybe you need to change your attitude and accept that you cannot change her.  Only she can change her outlook on her life circumstances.  It may seem that you cannot do anything more to help her, but just being a good listener, without being judgemental, may help her more than you may know.  Give the medication for depression a chance to work.  Depression only aggrevates other medical conditions.   She may realize that once she's feeling better mentally, she will be able to better cope with the other physical problems that she's experiencing.  You mention her son.  He needs your love and support also.  Diabetes and any illness can be frightening to a young child, especially when it's his Mom that has it.  So, try to keep your chin up and be a positive influence in their lives.  They both need you in their corner.  
Regards,
gg