Sexual Problems

[alyel]

My fiance is getting tested now for diabetes, we don't know for sure yet if he does have it but he has a lot of the symptoms and it runs in his dad's side of the family. He's pretty sure he has it. I had a question though. Does it affect sex? Last month we had sex about once or twice. The month before that it wasn't very much either. He says it's not that he doesn't want it. He says he does. And he feels bad. But that he can't. He doesn't have a problem getting an erection and keeping it though. Or having an orgasm. Of course I was angry with him, thinking I was the problem, when he tried blaming it on the disease, but now I am curious if it would affect it. We used to have a very active sex life, in the past months, it's dwindled to nothing. So he finally got health insurance from work and is getting tests done. So we'll find out soon enough. I just wanted some feedback. It would make me feel better if I knew what exactly was wrong. And it would probably make me feel bad that I nagged at him so much!

[alyel]

Yeah, I am wondering the same thing. Does it come back in time or what?? (the sex drive)

[concerned0203]

I have the same problem. My fiancee was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes about 6 months ago. It seemed as if he lost his sex drive, and same thing as you, he says it's not that he doesn't want it. He doesn't have a problem getting an erection either. I was also angry and blamed myself, but thats the only problem in our relationship, everything else, emotional is all perfect.
Since he is taking insulin his blood sugars are being controlled, however he still hasn't gottan much of a sex drive back. What is it he is doing wrong? Will it be like this forever? Help!?!

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

Hello Alyel,
We're not physicians here, but we have a lot of experience with diabetes.

Sexual dysfunction can be a side-effect of uncontrolled diabetes and it is a particularly emotional & difficult complication for many.  Sexual dysfunction can have other root causes (physical, stress, emotional, health), however, and so it is VERY important that he get a throrough exam, including full blood tests to determine what's what.

I know you didn't come here for a relationship analysis ;-), and yet your comment, "... of course, I was angry with him, thinking I was the problem..." painted a troubling picture for me.

To an outsider like me, the comment suggests some deeper communication issues that I'd encourage you both to work on -- long before seriously considering marriage.  A healthy sex life is a wonderful aspect of marriage; however, it rarely emerges \when there are layers of unspoken anger, frustration, trust, fear or hostility over other "things."  

There's so much for a woman & man to learn about one another's differing communication styles and needs.  Learning "that stuff" will help in every aspect of relationship -- particularly when dealing with difficult health issues and other big stressors.  A response of "anger" to a stated health concern suggests there's lots of room for improvement ...

In closing then, in addition to his need for a good medical workup & to learn a LOT about whatever the doctor finds, see what you can do to improve the "safety" of good communication.

Many health issues are treatable and yet doing so requires 24*7 commitment and strong support, patience and encouragement by those closest to us.  Communications issues are also VERY fixable.  I hope you & your boyfriend will work together on both fronts and that you will enjoy very satisfying results for many years to come.