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violent mood swings

My 16 year old daughter has very bad mood swings. Can become very violent both physical and verbal. Has also had 5 suspensions from school and will not do any school work. She is about to take her GCSE's in May. Every day seems to be a war zone. Her medical team are trying very hard. Any help would be great. Its very hard at the moment.
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Avatar universal
Dear Tony,

I thank you so much for your heartfelt response. I agree with SGG and appreciate everything that you said. It takes guts to be this honest about your own issue's and I thank you for your input. Other's will read your post and will gain some things to apply to their own lives. Your response has,I'm sure, touched many. I know it did me.

Thank You,
dm
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Avatar universal
Very well written, Tony. I would imagine that different people handle the onset of diabetes differently. Some people are fighters by nature, while others are more introspective and internalize any feelings of depression. Even if this 16-year-old girl was not just recently diagnosed, some of her anger could well be that, at this point in her life, the diabetes is seen as very unfair and may affect her self-esteem. Anger may be partly a smokescreen for all of that. Tony's input is always appreciated, for he is still new enough that all of this is still fresh to him.
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Avatar universal
Just my 2 cents but ....

Although I'm older and try to keep my moods under control (mainly I just kind of cry sometimes since this is such a major life altering change at this point in my life and one that I don't want but didn't have any say in) - I do get extremely frustrated and then angry.

When I first went back to work - I went back with not the greatest attitude since I figured the stress from work caused me to get this.  (Whether it did or did not, we'll never know but I had to blame something so I blamed my workplace.)  If people annoyed or aggitated me - I tended to let them have the full force of my anger without a second thought.  If I could have taken a swing at some of them and not get fired, I probably would have just to make me feel better.  I just didn't care.  I hurt; I felt *damaged* by all this; I hated what my life had suddenly become; I hated not being free to eat what I wanted; I hated what I considered a barbaric way of getting insulin via shots or pump infusion sets that left red marks on my abdomen .... and I wasn't going to take any BS from any nitwit who had a fully functional pancreas and had no idea what my life was like and who I was now jealous of because they could drink drink can after can of regular Pepsi and I had to settle for the mediocre diet stuff.

Sigh - it wasn't fair.

But .... Diabetes in itself didn't cause me to get violent or cause me to get depressed - by the time I was diagnosed, Diabetes had long come and gone and left me to pick up whatever pieces it left behind.  It's the "picking up the pieces" part that causes the anger and depression and loneliness.  The realization that you never *really* had a choice in the matter and that your old carefree non-diabetes self is gone, ripped away from you in a battle that was faught and lost even before you knew you were fighting anything.  That's where the anger comes from.

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Avatar universal
Both dm and LRS here have given very good responses to your question. I believe we can pretty safely say that the violent mood swings are probably not PHYSICALLY caused by her diabetes (if she is a diabetic). However, the possible depression that dm mentions as fairly common among diabetic teens could be a source of repressed anger and frustration. Counseling may help if this is the case.

I tend to believe that LRS's comment with the suggestion of bipolar is the first place you should look for answers, though. This can appear at any time in life, so she would not have had to have shown symptoms when younger. I have some close relations who suffer from this illness, and it can absolutely make life awful for both patient and close family members. It would be imperative to have it diagnosed now while she is under your care, for it is one illness that tends to cause adult patients to go into denial about, for they feel great when on their "up" phases. It is very treatable, but the tough part is getting the patient to take their medication consistently. This of course would be easier to monitor while she is living with you. Bipolar disorder is a very physical illness caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, so don't hesitate to have her tested.

As for the possibility of drug usage, while no parent wants to consider this as a possibility, unusual behavior can indeed be a sign of the presence of illicit drugs. So do keep your eyes closely turned in her direction even if you don't think this is the problem. We all wish you the best at this tough point in her life.
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Avatar universal
Dear Mr Darcy,

I am so sorry your daughter is going through such difficult times. Is she having problems controlling her blood sugars? My son also had problems with anger at that age. I'm very glad to hear that she has a "medical team" working with her. I have always felt it takes a team to cover all of the bases. Part of my son's team was a psychologist who specializes in diabetes and depression. It is not uncommon to have depression when you have a chronic illness. In my son's case, medication leveled his mood swings and he is doing very well.

As a parent, I also know the pain that you are going through. Please understand that I am not a physician, but a mother and volunteer, who is giving you my own personal experience. Your question takes me back with such vivid memories and please know that my thoughts are with you. The frustration is so difficult. We try everything to keep our children safe and healthy.

One other issue with all children is ADHD. I don't know if this could be an issue, but it might be worth looking into.

To give you some encouragement, my son has come out on the otherside. At 16, our teens are going through alot of changes, but have the added burden of dealing with diabetes on top of it.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are all doing. Check for following comments. We have great volunteers with a wealth of knowledge. When I was going through the same situation as you, JDRF, gave me the best support. They were a lifeline.

Best of luck,

dm
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What a frightening time.  I can also tell you that I've "been there."  I'm assuming your daughter is diabetic, but it wasn't clear from your msg.

In any event, my teen (not a diabetic; I'm the diabetic in the family) was diagnosed last year with bi-polar (manic depressive) disorder and while it was scary to hear, ... that diagnosis was a G-dsend for us all.  As we read about it, we saw that the symptoms fit her behaviors, feelings, & attitudes. The medication -- when carefully balanced by a psychiatrist -- and supported thru psychological counseling have give us our child back.  We now have a "normal" complete with moods and limit-testing, but one who respects authority once again and is no longer self-destructive; one who no longer takes illicit drugs nor alcohol; one who has migrated to healthier choices and safer friends.

Of course, I don't know if your daughter is "using," but it was another painful surprise for us to learn that our child was. While kids are "using," it is impossible to reach their core issues and problems because the drugs and/or alcohol get in the way.  So often, kids turn to these things to "self-medicate" ... desperately seeking relief from stuff they often cannot (or will not) verbalize to adults.

A teen who is also diabetic has lots to feel angry about and is best helped by a "team" who deals with her as a whole, emotionally vibrant person ... and not "just" as a diabetic with physical demands and chemical balances.  If there are also challenging family dynamics (divorce, remarriage, "live-ins," new siblings, moving, parent job loss, death of family, friend or pet), sometimes these live events are beyond what teens can handle without support, tough love as needed, and patience.

I'm also not a physician, but while mood swings and short emotional fuses are characteristic of teen years, the things you describe sound "beyond" what's been normal or acceptable in your home.  Our kids react to all sorts of things and while they are in turmoil, quite frankly, school work seems irrelevant if they can even concentrate at all.  

I might suggest that you focus on trying to reach *her* ... not her school work (worst case, she'll repeat classes or grades when she's emotionally ready & willing to learn).  At the moment, it appears that *she* is focusing on herself (in unhealthy ways) and may assume that her parents have missed the point ... thereby giving her more of an excuse to distance herself from you.  Try to move *with* her energy ... to help you all discover where her pain & sorry is ... and how to help her to help herself in healing & moving forward.

Please do stay in touch.  So many of us have teens and wrestle with identical issues.
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