Denial

[betina]

While in the hospital for heart related problems my doctors  found that I had the D word.  I refuse to accept this as I have worked so hard to avoid having the D word.  I was sent home with a monitor which I refuse to use (no fear of needles just using the monitor means acceptance). I am on Januvia 50 mg and Amaryl 1mg.  My doctor told me to eat 3 meals a day plus a snack at bed time.  I have lived by the Atkins diet and don't eat carbs and don't care for sweets. I cry all the time and feel life is no longer worth living. Today is my first day home from the hospital (I live by myself)  I have had a Smart Balance peanut butter sandwich on 5 grain bread for breakfast, a small bowl of fresh fruit and 2 slices of cheese for lunch, and now here it is 8:30pm and I'm still not hungry.  My doctor told me the Januvia would not work unless I ate...but I'm not hungry.  I have CHF, A-FIB, CAD , biventricular pacemake, ICD (which was the reason for my 5 day hospital stay...my defibrilator fired 8 times in 40 minutes as my heart was out of control)  Normally I am a happy person, look on the bright side type of person and have met my heart problems head on with no pity parties and a very positive outlook.  But the D word is totally embarressing and I am so very ashamed of having this disgusting disease.  Does anyone have any words of advice and could someone let me know if I am eating enough food.  Sorry this was such a long question but my sick heart is broken over this latest development.  Betina

[Januvia]

how is your "d" going? do you still read this page?

[Januvia]

how is your "D" going? Do you still read this page?

[betina]

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my letter and questions.  I don't have any issues with depression.....I know I am very depressed.  I have a psych who is on top of my problem and I am also on an anti depressant.  My lack of appetite is due to the fact that I never eat much and the D meal plans want you to eat enough to feed a third world nation.  Right now having D is very embarrasing and I feel disgusted  as I worked very hard for years to avoid having D.  I am not ready yet to start working on accepting the fact that I have D...Hopefully someday soon I will.  Thanks again for taking the time to care.  Betina

[Dot.Calm]

Good place to get answers would be posting on the Ask a Doctor forum, Self-Improvement Coaching.

[peekawho]

First, call it diabetes.  It is not a disgusting or embarassing disease.  Why would you perceive it to be so?

Its far less complicated and limiting than the many other health conditions you have.

You will have to eat regular meals, plus a snack, whether you are hungry or not.  You could have some issues with depression and undeserved shame that may be contributing to your lack of appetite.