Help !!!!

Hello, I have been a diabetic for three years now I was on medications whilst preg. I went off everything and decided it was too hard and switched off. I know now after three years of being tired sick and not coping that lol i am not coping. I can't come to terms with this disease and can not be consistant with the treatment. I feel out of control and don't know how to manage it. I have seen speacialists and doctors and and and... what i need is someone who knows this disease from the inside out to help me come to terms with it and learn how to get it under control not ust physically but emotinally. Please share your stories. Iam so confussed and scared.