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2 years and it still hurts
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2 years and it still hurts

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 4.5 years. Our relationship was always very rocky, full of ups and downs, constant breakups, and drama. It wasn't a great relationship but we always managed to stick it through and work it out (or at least attempt to). Two years ago I decided enough was enough and ended it for good. I was extremely hurt because I loved him but I knew it was time to let him go. He started dating a girl weeks later and I was even more devasted. Months later he started looking for me and I decided to give it another shot since I still was nowhere close to being over him. Him and the girl had broken up and he wanted to see me again. Well that didn't go very far and we started this on-off thing for about 3 months. Then I again decided that this was a huge mistake and I began to move on with my life. I left the country for almost a year and accomplished my lifetime goal of traveling. Something I would have never done if I was still with him. During this year, we had no contact whatsoever. I figured he was dating someone and probably very happy. Two years since our official breakup and about 10 months since the last time I saw him, I find out he is engaged and I am devastated all over again. During all this time, I wanted to be single and not get involved with anybody new in order to give myself time to heal. But the reality is that I am now extremely lonely and terrified that I am going to stay single forever. I am not sure what I still feel for him, if its love or if I just miss the idea of us. He is a wonderful person and I truly wish him well but I can't avoid that fact that it kills me. For a long time now, I've known that we are not good for each other  but at the same time my heart has always held on to him and that slight chance that one day, after a long time has passed, we will see each other again and realize we love each other and magically make things work.

I don't know for much longer I am going to feel this way but it really scares me. I am 25 years old and not getting any younger and being single makes me feel even worse. All that I want is to get over him 100% to the point where I can truly be happy for him without feeling like death inside :(
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1695661_tn?1314923999
Thats way to young to think you'll be spending your life alone it doesn't seem like you think you made a mistake do you realize how many times you made a mistake , your relationship was very bad ,you aren't good for each other and the relationship that wasn't ever very good what are you holding to? you said that you decided not to have any relationships in all this time maybe thats your problem you don't remember what a normal healthy relationship with a man should be like you should go out and date,meet people and talk about the amazing travels you had you'll be just fine and when your ready you'll meet a guy who gives you great relationships memories thats what makes the tough times( which shouldn't be a lot) worth going through
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1695661_tn?1314923999
*  do you realize how many times you said you made a mistake being with him* sorry typo
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Avatar_m_tn
Reading you story brought tears to my eyes because I know what you are going through.  I was with my ex for 2 years and those 2 years were a living hell for me.  I really thought I could bring about a change in him and things would get better.  He left and moved to another part of the country because of some issues he was having.  I stayed with him while he was away, sent him money whenever he asked for it because I loved him and felt I had to take care of him.  The one time I couldnt send money, he told me "F U".  He threw our "relationship" away over $250.00.  

Since then I have been single, I've dated a few guys but none of them are right for me.  I have been working with a therapist and the way I think about myself has changed. For months I thought I will never find someone and sometime I still feel that way because loniliness is hard.  At the same time, I have been going to see my therapist, going to the gym, I joined a bookclub, and I work with a great group of girls.  

I know its hard, I still feel loniliness and I'm 27.  I really want to get married and have a couple children, but all that I realized will happen in time.  

He has clearly moved on, you have to try to move on, see a therapist, get involved in something you love.  Remember, in time everything will work out and you will meet someone who is worthy of your love and who will love you for who you are.  

Stay strong, I know your pain.
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