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Am I out of line, and what do I do?
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Am I out of line, and what do I do?

So I was introduced to a coworker through another coworker. I know thats taboo but she has always had my eye. Long story short, we dated for 2 months and they were amazing. We were planning a future together. She wanted to fly me back east to meet her family an we discussed what our future would be like. Everything was going great until out of the blue, and ex of hers entered the picture. She told me of him and how abusive he was and that she was glad to be rid of him. Well a couple of weekd ago, I come home from work to find a Facebook message saying she is ending things with me to get back with him. I was infuriated that she would do this and more so that she wouldnt even say it to my face. I called her out on it and was told that she didnt owe me anything and that she could dump me as she chose. After a few days, she admitted she was wrong and agreed to meet me so we could talk about it, only to take it back the next day again by Facebook message. I posted on my page how hurt I was and that I felt betrayed and that I felt if she cared about em she wouldve at least met em and talked to me about it in person. she then told me the next day that she wouldve got back with me if I hadnt posted that, because she felt her privacy was violated, even though she posted similar things about me on her profile. As it stands now, she is with him and is set up to get hit and cheated on and controlled again. I guess my questions are...am I out of line for thinking she shouldve met me to end things and if her method is acceptable/respectful? And I do feel for her and feel she would be the perfect person to be with, so do I fight for her or is she not worth my time if she could do that to me?
14 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there. In my opinion----  yes, you were completely out of line. You don't use facebook, a public place, as a medium for venting, bashing or getting back at our partners.  If you need to talk to your friends, pick up the phone like the olden days and talk to a close friend. What goes on between an adult and their partner is between them and not for the world to be included in.  I'd personally also be quite hurt and very angry.

What you can do is tell her that you realize what a mistake it was and a violation of the relationship.  Tell her your very sorry and it will never happen again. And don't let it happen again.  good luck
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973741_tn?1342346373
By the way, you made it harder for the relationship to recover from any issue you two have as you put the judgement and the eyes of everyone you know on the situation.  Really not good for working through something.  Rats, you messed up.  Oh well, try to salvage it if you want to continue to try to be with her.  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
That really wasnt my question. I appreciate your input but my question was whether I was out of line for thinking she shouldve broke up with me in person and not by Facebook message.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, in truth--------  you kind of asked for by airing your dirty laundry on facebook yourself.  YOU made it public.  

Yes, I think it was out of line by her but the facebook situation was started by you.  

No, don't fight to get her back.  She's with another guy and you don't need to be her doormat.

I would say that you have a right to be hurt.  The facebook thing is another issue and in that, you both are guilty.  

good luck and do your best to put this behind you as quickly as possible.  
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1268057_tn?1399131913
I am not sure why so many people use FB in such a manner.  Whatever happened to PRIVATE one on one convos?  You and the ex gf are guilty of publicly airing your "dirty laundry."

Secondly......why fight for someone who doesn't want you?  She is with someone else......leave it as is and move on.  
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3243092_tn?1354709067
Though I agree with other posters on the way you used FB.
But i really feel why should you consider wanting her back in life.She is playing back and forth with you and the ex.
Do you really feel you are so worthless for someone to treat you so much disrespect.

You can say sorry to her for the FB posting if you really feel so or if you did it as a means to seek revenge for you felt used ,then you better just let things be over without any more fuss because both of you are insincere in my opinion.
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Avatar_f_tn
She should not have posted what she did on facebook...she was wrong!  I know you acted out of hurt but so what...she disrespected you with her facebook comment and that was a lousy way for you to learn that she was breaking up with you.  This speaks volumes about her just as her decision to go back to that man does.  She didn't care about "your" privacy...why care about her's?  I think she is toying with you and looking for excuses, cut your losses and be happy this didn't go any further, you deserve better than this!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you. I feel the same way. Its just hard because she did make it seem like she did care about me and then out of the blue, dropped me like a hot potato
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Avatar_f_tn
I know it's difficult, made even worse by how it was handled and hitting you out of no where.  But she obviously has some issues to even think about wanting to be with someone who hurts her!  Be glad this didn't go on any longer before you saw the real person in her.  It hurts but you deserve someone who wants to be treated with respect and will respect you as well. This is a life lesson, learn from it and move forward with your life.  You'll find love again and will look back and not only understand "why" this happened but you'll be happy that it did.  I wish you all the best!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you :)
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973741_tn?1342346373
RAdinna, I'd find a different way to use facebook.  That was wrong to use it to betray her confidence right back.  I'm sorry she did that to you but I do think that learning that you also don't want to do the wrong thing is important.

yes, move on.  She doesn't sound like she was as dedicated to you as you were to her which is always painful.  It takes time to really get to know someone and their intentions so make sure to take that time in your next relationship.

I'd just keep yourself busy right now and do some things that can distract you from how you are feeling.  And when (and I say when because she probably will) calls you again or texts you, block her.  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for the advice. Its hard because I have to see her 3 days a week at work and  it hurts that I cant even say hi...that will make it harder.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Ugh, yes, it is very hard to work with someone we had a bad break up with.  That does indeed stink.  Ya know, I would say hi to her and leave it at that.  Don't give her the cold shoulder as I wouldn't give her the statisfaction.  Instead, be distant but friendly and hang out with other coworkers.  make plans after work and stay busy.  good luck!!  Let us know how you get on.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Obviosly she is being controled by him.again so she couldnt do it face to face.. u were right she was wrong
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