Divorce & Breakups Community
Attention WOMEN who messed with a Married Man
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to divorce, breakups, anger, child custody, child support, conflict resolution, co-parenting, dating, depression, friends and family, legal, pets, property issues, remarriage, spousal support, and visitation.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Attention WOMEN who messed with a Married Man

I want to hear from those women who have felt that they had a right to interfer with a marrige and chase after a married man.

Come on....if your women enough to play the game then you should be woman enough to discuss this with a wife who has been on the receiving end.
Related Discussions
270 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
707108_tn?1231395533
I agree these women that chase after married man should come out and face the music.

if a man is married or in a serious relationship why not BACK OFF??????

You have no right messing up a home and then the wife seems to be made the bad one because you screwing with her husband.

I do not understand women like that why would you wanna mess up a marriage what if it was your marriage?
Blank
694885_tn?1232653548
I think that every State should have a law that if another women is found to be chasing after a married man, the wife of that marriage should be able to have her sent to jail for about six months or so. It is hard enough keeping a marrige together in these tough times. We do not need these women who seem to have problems finding their own single men to have the right to chase after our men. Men have a hard enough time figuring out their wives let alone tring to figure out the games that these type of women will play.

The person who did this to me...changed her cell phone number agian....and moved out of her apt. So I have no way to confront her which angers me more. Just a dog running with her tail between her legs. I did find her myspace page and sent emails out to all of her friends and faimly about how she was a "HUSBAND POUCHER" she has since changed her myspace to private. LOL

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I really think this goes both ways... what about the husband? shouldnt he carry some blame as well? you can be the best wife in the world..but there are some men who just do this.  i cannot see the sense of only blaming the woman.  it was also his choice.  i can certainly understand how you feel.. my ex husband cheated on me ..  i was more angry with my exhusband... than with the "other woman".  after seeing a lawyer... i made sure that HIS family knew what a jerk he really was.  when a man or woman makes a commitment to each other.. their are rules..
every case is different...but seriously.... i think its more the husbands fault.  the grass isnt always greener on the other side... we wives are good women... and some men simply make really bad choices.. and.. well.. do we really know what the husband tells the "other woman? if he is willing to lie to you.. and have an affair.. dont you think he would have no problem with lying about his relationship with his wife?
Blank
694885_tn?1232653548
Yes..my soon to be exhusband is at fault as well. But the 1st time when I relized somthing was going on I asked this woman in a very friendly manner what was going on and she not only assured me that they were just friends talking on the phone but she went as far as saying "I think of him as a brother" she then changed her cell phone number so that I might get confussed or something (like I am really that stupid) and it was her that was calling my husband, and he fell into her crying, please help me game.

She was calling my husbands work cell number...it's not like he could get it changed....But he has been kicked to the curb..I just wish I could do the same to her.LOL
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
Believe me I know exactly how you feel.  My fiance cheated on me and I confronted the w h o r e who knew all about me but it wasn't her.  He probably was telling her all these horrible things about our relationship.  She's the dumb one who believed it all.  Expecting him to leave me even after a year and a half went by and he still never left.  But that's her being stupid.  He's the one who is held responsible because he's the one who committed to me and betrayed that commitment.  But I do hold her equally responsible.  I would NEVER do that to another woman.  It's a matter of having respect for other women and for myself.  I will not break up a home.  Some women are just desperate and lonely and feed off of the attention these men are giving them, even if they are involved.  It's sad but if I were you, I would let it go.  There really isn't much you can do, she will get it back to her in the end.  Maybe one day she will be married or involved and some other woman will interfere with her relationship.  
Blank
637356_tn?1301928422
I can blame the other woman. She was supposed to be my best friend and was behind my back sleeping with my husband. She would tell me she has too much repect for me to do that and that she wasn't attracted to him but I would come home and find her hands where they shouldn't be. She came very close to causing a divorce. She did however cause a seperation. No she was not alone but what man can resist an 18 year old half dressed with a model body coming onto them and rubbing their ego constantly. Plus she knew we were having problems mainly over money at the time and moved in when things were already rocky between us.

She has moved away but I am sure she hasn't changed her ways and is probably going after another married man!! She was the biggest s l u t I had ever met. She would change into her bikini and walk around like that all the time. Or put the bikini top on and a short skirt on with thongs underneath and make sure to bend over infront of a group of me.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I blame BOTH.
It takes 2 to tango and if hubby wants to play up with another woman then let her have him as he isnt worth holding onto!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I believe there are some women out there who particularly find themselves attracted to men who are already married/attached.

Possibly because it is "forbidden fruit", something they shouldn't have access too, that makes it exciting.

Perhaps it makes their ego feel good to attract a man who's already with someone else, like they won a competition against someone else to get this man.

Some women are more attracted to men a bit older than they are, and it's simply the case that most of those men are already with someone else (unless they are deeply undesirable).

Some may like the lack of commitment of being a mistress - they are scared of being in a full-blown committed relationship, while being with a married man they get attention and sex without too much commitment.

Some may feel (instinctively or conciously) that any man who is single must have something wrong with them, or they would have someone.  If they are in a secure relationship already, they have proved that they must be desirable, and that they are capable of having a committed relationship.  No-one wants the last apple on the shelf of the supermarket - if everyone else has rejected it, there must be something wrong with it even if it looks OK.

Of course, there are some who just didn't realise the man was already married until they were already involved (and we've had a few of those here and on the Relationships board).


No-one yet has said anything about the guys who sleep with married women.  No condemnation for them, it seems.  But men are simple creatures - show them a woman who's willing to have sex with them (and is not offensive to the eyes) and they will do it, married or not.  I do feel a bit of anger towards the guys my wife slept with, but I can't say I really blame them.  They could easily have not known she was married, so didn't do anything unreasonable - although at least one (apparently) did, and that didn't seem to have slowed him up any.  OK, I would like to deck him (even though I'm completely not violent and couldn't fight my way out of a soggy paper bag if I wanted to), but more to satiate my own anger than because I honestly blame him.  I'm sure he didn't set out deliberately to sleep with a married woman that evening.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like they were both trying to get attention. I think these women feel superior over the wife somehow.  But with that said it is up to the man to zip or unzip, so to speak. I do not think you can rape a man.
Blank
410475_tn?1262945967
you cannot steal a man who dosent' want to be stolen.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
I guess you have been the other woman.
Blank
599170_tn?1300977493
it takes two to make it and two to break it..always...
Blank
685931_tn?1226969988
to the cheated: forgive and forget then move on
to the cheaters: repent and never do it again or you'll be sorry if it happens to you. always remember ' what you sow, you will reap'
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
1 thing I really find amazing is how easy some of you male or females come up with excuses for your partners cheating especially you ladies. There is absolutely no excuse for cheating. Again if you are in-love with your partner there can never be temptation. Another thing that amazes me is when the m/f breaks up the marriage and lives with the other their shocked when the other cheats on them. ONCE a cheater always a cheater  Now some will say "not always" but every person I have ever heard of that's cheated has done it again. I admit there may be the odd acception but none that I'm aware of.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i don't believe in the once a cheater always a cheater. my dad cheated on my mother after i was born. after she completely humiliated him and the other woman...she went straight to her attorney and started the divorce filings.

now...my father....the (now) wonderful man that he is...learned his lesson. he has never cheated on another woman. however, the what goes around comes around. is so very true. his second wife cheated on him. and now HER 3rd husband...is an alcoholic cheater. lol...talk about karma.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
WOMAN WHO CHASE A MARRIED MAN ARE  ATTENTION SEEKERS,HOME-WRECKERS,AND HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM,WHY TRY TO PICK UP A MARRIED MAN WHEN THE WORLD IS FULL OF GOOD SINGLE MEN,,THEY LOVE THE CHASE,THE DRAMA AND COMPLETION OF THERE GOAL THERE PRIZE,,,,,AS FOR THE MARRIED MAN,THEY ALSO LOVE THE ATTENTION,SOME EVEN BRAG ABOUT IT,LOW-LIFES,,ALL IN ALL THEY BOTH DESERVE EACH OTHER THERE BOTH LOOSERS WITH NO RESPECT EVEN FOR THEIR LOW LIFE CHOICES
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I agree with the part when you said that women who sleep with married men have low self-esteem.  If any women accepts second place, they cannot have much self love or confidence.  

I disagree with you on some things.  However, It does take two.  The problem with many women is that we let men off of the hook.  Men always have their mothers, sisters. aunts, wives, and girlfriends making excuses and taking up for them.  In this society, many men do not have to take responsibilty for their actions.  This is the major problem.  If a person does not admit to their wrong, they will NEVER learn from mistakes.  

I have made the STUPID mistake of calling the other woman or cursing out her or telling her to stay away from my man.  I say the man is the one to blame, because he is the one who supose to love and care about you not her.  

I found myself calling woman after woman.  If one woman rejects your husband's advances, there will always be another woman.  It's your husband who needs to respect you.  

When I was 19 years old, a 25 year-old married man made advances at me.  I never tried to make any advances, he was the one.  I worked with him and his wife's step-father worked with us as well.  He was unbeliveable.  I rejected him, but that did not stop him.  

Many men make the advances first.  Although some women do too.  I am just sooo sick and tried of people letting men off of the hook.  It seems to me, we don't expect much from men.  THIS IS PROBABLY WHY THEY CHEAT.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
If a man has a wife that shows him affection, admiration and appreciation he will be hers forever, unless he is a self centered jerk. After 28 years of marriage there have been times that I have felt really unwanted. I read “the care and feeding of husbands” to “see” what my wife was doing wrong, lol. I realized though that there were areas that I was lacking in too. I finally got her to read the book and she was not impressed, why should she have to change, right? So, I started being nicer making sure that I treated her the way I wanted her to treat me, I pretended that she wasn’t just my wife but my girlfriend and guess what. She is my girlfriend now!!!! We are having more “fun” than ever before and while all guys like to look at pretty women, I will take mine girlfriend over any other. Like the saying goes “why have hamburger out when you can have steak at home”
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
so you call your wife your g/f? i'd smack my husband silly he ever referred to me as his g/f. she's not just some girl you're dating. she's your wife. the woman you're supposed to love above all other.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
The only good thing about that Vic is instead of stepping out on her you decided to put effort into making it work.  If more men did that, there would be less cheating.  Relationships are work, if you just communicate to eachother and tell one another where you are feeling neglected or where you think the relationship needs a boost then people will work harder.  Instead of running to another woman to fulfill those needs.  Your wife is capable of doing it if told, we're not mind readers either.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I see you don't get it, she is my wife, no doubt, but I treat her the same as I would if I was courting her. You know all the little things we would do for each other when we were dating. It is amazing how when dating men will open doors, plan a date, where to go like movies dinner, bring flowers. Women will shave their legs and put on make up and a dab of perfume, put on nice clothes and be happy to see him when he gets there.

Once married so many women stop caring, shaving their legs once a month is ok unless they are going to be seen by the guys at work. Sweats or flannel night gown even before hubby gets home is fine because she wants to be comfy and instaed of a hug and kiss and an I Love You, it is you forgot to take out the trash, as he is walking in the door.

Guys will bellow where's my supper and plop down in the chair and want her to wait on him. Get mad when there is not clean undies in the draw eventhough he didn't bother to put them in the hamper, you get the idea.

So my wife is my girlfriend, as well as my best friend and the mother of our boys. She now welcomes me home and looks good just for me. When I forget to set the trash at the curb on trash day she does it without saying a word and comploments me when I remember. I plan dates on a regular basis, take the laudry to the basement and start a load often, I tell her that she is the hottest woman I have seen all day and I am so lucky to have her. When I reach around and fondler her instead of getting mad and slapping my hand away she now smiles and tells me how much I turn her on. She knows that there are more beautiful women out there than she is and I know that there are better looking guys than I am, but beauty and hotness is in the eye of the beholder and a function of how one acts.

So with all that said, I feel sorry for your husband that he does not have a woman that he can call his g/f. My wife smiles when I call her that because she knows she is treating me right.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
my husband and i never stopped anything we did while we were dating. i still shave my legs every week. not once a month. that's just disgusting. he still opens doors for me, buys me flowers, makes me dinner, pulls out my chair and will just give me random kisses. you don't have to view your wife as a g/f in order to do that. and he doesn't care if i have my hair done and makeup done or if i'm in my sweats with my hair in a pony tail (which is how i'm usually dressed during the day). he understands. he knows that i'm a sahm taking care of 8 month old twins. he KNOWS i'm not going to put on my best clothes and take time away from our children to get all "dolled" up for him. sure when we go out i go all out but for day to day......no.

my husband views me as his wife, his best friend, his lover and the mother of his children. he doesn't have to down grade me to a g/f in order to keep the love and flare in our relationship. after the boys go to bed we still snuggle on the couch, watch a movie/tv or just talk. i still wear the sexy lingerie for him (i don't do it every night but i still do it). he doesn't demand dinner from me and clean laundry as i don't b!tch at him about putting down the toilet seat or taking out the trash. and my husband STILL tells me i'm beautiful even if i'm wearing my sweats with my hair in a pony tail. for him i don't have to be glamorous and completely done up like a barbie for him to view me as the most beautiful woman. to him no matter what i'm HIS wife, his best friend and his lover.

so no i don't understand why you have to call your wife your g/f in order for her to be beautiful to you.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
You still don't get it, but that is ok. Calling her my wife my g/f as well as my wife is not a down grade, it is a compliment, but maybe you think of it differently than I do. It sounds like you are a good wife and have a good man. I am sure you have good marriage and I give you props for being a sahm. My wife and I thought that was important too and did the same, once the kids were in school she started working part time but her employer understood the kids came first. If they were sick or off school she was home.

Keep loving your hubby the way you are and I an sure no woman will ever temp him because he has all he needs at home. LOL, my wife is still my g/f, but I hope you know that is really really meant as a compliment. She understands what I mean, so I guess that is all that is needed.
Blank
864582_tn?1241806244
I am the girlfriend of a married man. I don't have low self esteem.  I didn't chase after him.  He chased after me for a very long time before I gave in.  I will be the first one to agree it was wrong of him to cheat on her.  I wanted to take it slow, he wanted me to take him in...he left her because he was in love with me....he was in love with me before I even knew he existed.  We are still struggling with this triangle a year and a half later.  He still lives with me, and he doesn't love his wife.  Sometimes life just works out that way...it's not always someone's "fault".  I'm pretty sure I couldn't force anyone to do anything without using deadly force, so how could another woman make a man cheat on his wife?  It takes two to make a marriage work and it takes two to make it fall apart.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
joes don't be surprised if he does it to you at some point.  What goes around comes around.  
Blank
864582_tn?1241806244
that thought crosses my mind every day. luckily i'm a "glass half full" kinda gal so i take life as it comes
Blank
362249_tn?1388466108
Candy.. who says you must face up well i am! Every single day of my life! i chose to walk away b4 being an interfernce and being the reason his kids couldnt have mom and dad together! i realized im an idiot and my fiancee was the man and i loved and very good at that! and to this day 3 yrs i still have to deal with trust issues and what he thinks and wants! But i know i dont care my DH is a great man  i love him and whatever he wants me to prove or keep on proving i will! My mistakes i know i did but i know whats right and if i have to i will spend the next 99yrs telling my now husband i love more than anything then so be it i shall do that!
Blank
173939_tn?1333221450
I don`t know any women who specialize in persuing married men even though they must exist. Maybe because they thrive on others` misery.
What has not been mentioned here yet is the huge number of married opportunistic men who go through great lengths of either hiding they are married or pretending they are just going through a divorce if the other woman happens to know they are married or whining about their "horrible marriage" to create some "sympathy" with the prospect of getting laid.
If I count the times that I have been approached by married men, I can only say it must be true that MOST men cheat if given the opportunity. I made sure not to fall into that trap and my standard phrase is: "I`m not going to help you cheat on your wife". But the very first time before I woke up to this type problem this "wonderful man" pretended to be long divorced and his ex-wife living in another country. The whole time I was not even aware of it being a lie. I honestly thought he was single for two years!
I just want to say that I feel for anyone who is being cheated on but you also need to be aware of your respective husbands possibly being the instigators. Of course when you hear it from the horse`s mouth, it`s always the woman who persued him and he just had to give in...wrong, in many cases.
Blank
864582_tn?1241806244
That is soooo true. I once had a guy that I dated in high school calling me and stopping in at work to see me and I kept asking him "didn't you get married after high school?" and he kept saying no, not me.....luckily nothing physical ever happened between us because one day he called me screaming about how his wife saw an instant message I sent him....unfortunately the next time I was too involved before I realized things weren't as they seemed....live and learn
Blank
173939_tn?1333221450
Yep, this could be a whole separate thread...isn`t it too depressing to see those men quickly remove the infant seats from their cars when they go on trips or forgetting their wedding bands or coming up with "I`m not getting any since the baby. I deserve to have an affair." It is outrageous what is out there. It is always best to stay out of it.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I agree, some women over step by chasing after married men but lets step out and look at the picture. That woman could not have that married man if he stays true to his vows.
the same way we have to  show others to respect. its the same way that married man or woman have to teach other to respect them and their marriages.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
he may have persued you. but the moment you new he was married he was off limits.
the moment you found out he was married you should have valued yourself as a woman and tell him that you are worth more than just being the other woman. it make take two to ruin a marriage but you had a part in that. for him to leave its because you gave him hope.

You can not take what is not yours and expect happiness. you can not build on someone elses misery. either you wont last or you wont be happy.

To that married woman who's husband your with i hope she realizes that in the end you did her a favor by taking out the garbage.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
It's really disgusting to see some of these women blame the other women. I guess it's easier to do then to blame your husbands. I guess a girl's gotta do what she gotta do to sleep at night. Right?

These men are liars-- point bar. They made a promise to you & broke the bond. It's time that we stop coming up with excuses for these married men.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
No one is blaming the women only but if a woman knows that a man is married they should stay away.  Where is a woman's integrity, where is a woman's respect for another woman.  Yes, the man is the responsible one here and should not stray but women should know better as well.
Blank
1033165_tn?1309439016
In my case I do also blame the other woman. My fiance and I have been together for 15 yrs. At first the other woman did not know he was married. They met on the internet and never met face to face. She now knows he is with someone and they both still continue their relationship on line. So I now blame both parties for destroying our relationship we had for 15 yrs. I have even confronted her through e-mails and she still won't back off. Even for the sake of our 13 yr old daughter!! Neither one shows no respect for our family!!
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
las she continued to pursue him after the fact.  That is disgusting.  What kind of thrill those two get from having an affair online?  What kind of relationship is that?  It's just so pathetic.  They both have serious issues and probably deserve each other.  I'm so sorry.
Blank
1054018_tn?1254618284
Boy I feel I am putting my self in harms way on this subject lol. I am a man who has been on the other side of the fence. My wife cheated on me. I was honest and faithfull and showed her how much I loved her. 6 weeks after DR put me out of work and start SSI claim BOOM! So much for in sickness and in health. If this was 1960 or 70 I would agree with all your statements ,but this is 2009 and I beleave wives cheat as much if not more than husbands ( not that either two are rite ) Paul Harvey just said the other day " In this present economy what is the # 1 biggest stock investment answer (Clairol lipstick) in the last 2 years there stock has jumped 57% Now for the rest of the story. It's not to look good for their husbands". I seen a few Bible verses that other ladys have posted I agree to the most. But don't forget he who casts the first stone! I do have one puzzeling questions you ladys might be able to help me with. Why is it when a husband cheats on his wife he is a low life, scum, and should be hanged. But when a wife does it, it's she wasn't getting this or that at home. I beleave marriage license should be like drivers license and have to renew after 5 years. Would solve alot of things.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
God I hate those women but I have learned to divert my attention towards the man.  WTF is he doing??  He is breaking his vows, not her.  As for her, sad b/c if a man's married, she knows she isn't going to get a commitment, which is what every woman seeks.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
In the case of las03 - the woman didn't know he was married when they "met".  That's easy enough for some men to pretend, particularly on-line.  By the time she found out, she may well have been "besotted" enough with him that she wasn't prepared to end it.  Yes, that is what she should have done, but some people aren't so strong and don't find it easy.

It's not right that she continued, but it's more understandable, and I wouldn't categorise her right alongside those women who know at, or close to, the start of an affair that the man is married, or those who specifically pursue married men.
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
I agree a woman who cheats on her husband is just as disgusting as a man who cheats on his wife.  I don't think there is an excuse for either to do it to the person they so called "love".  I think if you are in a relationship or are married you need to respect that person.  If you aren't getting your needs met, you either 1. communicate this to your spouse or partner or 2. get out of the relationship or marriage and pursue others after the marriage or relationship is over and done with.  Simple as that.  I don't know why people have such a hard time with that concept.
Blank
1054018_tn?1254618284
Short and sweet, I agree with you 100%
Blank
1033165_tn?1309439016
I also agree 100%. People do have a hard time with that.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
it is not always that a women chases after a man, yes it is wrong, but i believe a man should own up to his faults and people should stop blaming a women that is single, and free to do what she pleases. She does not have a commitement with the other women. So i believe a married man should be the one at fault for messing up his marriage. The other women did not stand at the alter a confess, the love or anything of that matter. So many people blam the other woman and not the man. If the wife finds out and still chooses to be with her husband, and it gets to the point that the mistress and husband has a baby. i feel like it has gone to far and that she is at fault if she stays afterwards if she feels like that man will not ever see this woman again.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Susie, I agree with you that it is the married partner that broke their vows.  However, it is a moral flaw to find refuge in someone that is already taken.  Character is everything and it is of low character to do such a thing.  While they broke no vows or committed no crime, they are still pretty low on the scale of human existence.  It says a lot about someone that goes for the married man and none of it is good.  Just my opinion.  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
And by the way, my comment does not negate the responsibility of the married partner.  Of course they are ultimately to blame.  But the old "I wasn't the one married" isn't really an answer.  Those who indulge in this type of relationship on either end are of low character (and sad.).  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, and regarding a 'mistress'  who has a baby with a married man ---  this is such a cruel thing to do to an innocent child.  My deepest sympathy to any child brought into the world under such circumstances.  Shame on these supposed adults for acting so irresponsible.  

If I were a mistress and the married man I was trying to have as my own wouldn't leave his wife, I'd take the hint.  But that is just me.  

Good luck to all to have happy, healthy marriages!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I think it falls on both people involved.  I had a man cheat on his girlfriend with me, we never had sex but came close.  He told me they broke up and it was ok, then 3 weeks later he told me he is going to try to work things out with his ex.  It hurts all people involved, he told me that time will tell what will happen and he wants to continue our friendship.  Because of the respect and empathy I have for his girlfriend (whome I don't know), I told him not to call me again and there will be no friendship betweeen us.  Men tend to think its ok to have two women and it is not. If a man wants to work things out with his girlfriend thats good, mostly likely he will stay with his girlfriend.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
i was in my own town and i started talking with this person that claimed to me my friend lets call her person a, then she got me and this other person talking again lets call her person b. person b told me that this guy, lets call him person c, and his wife, lets call her person d, was trying to track me down. ok so i let person b give person c my number. person c calls me and we start talking and telling me that he was geting a devoce and that he wanted to be with me. later on in this hole deal i happen to come down to vist person b, then with out knowing any better i went to see person d and person c both told me that they was geting a devoce. some how later in this hole deal it game out that he wanted to date me and his wife person d oked it. before person c dated me i made sure that all 3 of us talked about it and they both agreed on it, and that the wife didnt care and they let me move in. omg what in the hell did i get my self into. why didnt i see that it was so wrong. i was broken in side cause i gave my baby up cause i couldnt take care of him at the time. im not trying to use that for an excuse. what im trying to say that i was drawning in my self pitty that i couldnt see the truth that was standing right in frount of me. why was i born with this mental disabilty. why cant i think clearly as other do. why did i fall in to this bad situwaysion. why was i so stupied. i blame my self. i hate my self for what i have done. o god why, why was i so stupied, why couldnt i see the truth of it all. i have sined in the most oful way. at that time it seemed so inocent, i wish that i could turn back time and undo what i did. i repent to the wife for what i did. i know that i didnt go after her husbund that he game after me. he got a hold of me through other people. now every one is blaming it all on me. saying im the home recker. i know i did wrong and i repent to the wife for it. i blame my self and no other. i try to understand why and i ask my self each day how i could of been so stupied. i know that i cant always see whats clear cause of my mental disablity. but i should of known better on this one. even though its been three years ago i still dewl over it. every day its like im chain down like im in persion. when will it be ok to for give my self. i know i am human and people make miss takes and that i cant think like others do. but i am still dewling on this and hating my self every day. i wake up and look in the mirrow and all i see it stupied stamped on my forhead. i told the wife that i was more then sorry. i told her that i repent to her for what i had done. see i had no contact with this guy. he got a hold of me though this girl that claimed to be my friend and this girl got a hold of me though this other girl that claimed to be my friend. i had no contact with these people until (person a) she poped up on my yahoo and stated talking to me then got me and (person b) talking and i havent talked to these people in like five years or so. im just trying to under stand how a person can fall into a bad situwaysion like this and not relize that its wrong. i try to figer out why. my mind was so closed cause i was so broken and side. i was depressed and i should of been put in a mental place so i could get help. i was living with my step sister at that time when all this took place and i started nuting out. i would stay in my room until it was time for me to go to work. i felt like i was an out cast. i never fit in any where. i wanted to harm my self. there was a time when i tried to slam my car in a tree one night going to work and chicken out thank god. i was so mess up in the head. i have asbugers and other mental problems. if my iq was tested it would be set as a seven grader or lower. im not trying to make excused. im trying to esplin who i am. my mind dont work like everyone else. the hole point is that i wish i knew what i know now back then. i claim i did wrong, and that i was blind by stupidy. if any one else out there ever gets in this situwaysion dont go through it. please dont. i relize now that i mad a mayjor miss take. i just ask god to wash me clean of my sin and i repent to all wifes that has been cheeted on. this is the only time i got involed with a marry man and its my last cause even though the wife says its ok. i know now not to do it.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
even though i learned from my miss take. i will find it hard to for give my self cause i should of known better. this was my first time and my last. i dont under stand how i could of been so stupied and so blind that i couldnt see the truth. i should of known it was wrong even though the wife said it was ok. it though me off the reality. if i was another person i would kick my own tale for what i did. i just pray that some day that the wife will beable to for give my sins. now the guy is lying on me. but i blame my self cause im the only that i can blame. i should of known better.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
my husbund tells me every day that i need to let it go and for give my self. but how can i knowing what i did. for the lsat 3 years i have been beating my self up in it. i cant to seem to let it go. even people thats friends with the wife tells me that i need to let it go and move on. but im stuck on what i did. trying to under stand why and how i was so stupied.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
i wish that none of this took place and i never got involed in all this. i relized way to late in the relasionship that it was wrong. and when i did relize it i moved out on him and his wife. what i dont under stand why she oked it. and how could i have been so stupied. its all over now but the dewling for me. i cant find it to beable to for give myself. i read everyones post and the mader i get at my self and hate my self more. i repent for what i did. and i admit that i did wrong and i regreat it with all my soul
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
whats said is that everyone is now puting all blame on me when this guy got a hold of through this women that got a hold of me though this other women that both claimed to be my friends. this guy and his wife both agreed of leting move in and she oked of this guy to date me. when i relize that i was in the wrong it was to late, but i broke it off with him and moved out. this guy has done things of sending things to people and his wife and blamed it on me, he has said things and blamed it on me. i have proof that he admits that it was all his doing and that i had no involment in any of it. the proof shows that the only wrong that i did was get involed in a relasionship with this this guy even though his wife oked it. now they both are ganging up with me and have their friends in on it as well and trying to turn it around telling eveybody that i moved on this guy and that im lying when i have solid proof that proves that their lying. that he tracked me down with two people that claime to be my friend. i know what i did wrong and i sent the wife a message stateing that i repented to her for what i did and that i have proof that i was not involed in what her husbund did and their trying to turn it around all on me. yes i messed up by going out with this guy even thugh his wife agreed for her husbund to date me. but i was not involed in the drama that he pulled and blamed on me. whats said their all know lying on me when i have the proof of what really took place. this guy is haveing his little friends call me and harass me about it, when its been 3 years ago. im going though enough with dealing with the quilt of what of geting involed with this guy. i have a hard time sleeping at night, i have epoides of where i go through these moments where i start nuting out with my mind starts raceing and my head feels like its going to exsplode. i have enough punish ment from what im going though and i dont need this guy nut jobs calling me and harassing me, calling me a home recker, and so on. what this guy fall to remeber is that i have proof of what really took place and that i didnt froce him to do nothing. when will this ever end. i did my time of quilt, and i didnt hide of what i did wrong. i took up for my responsabilty of what i did, and i told the wife i repented to her. i didnt go after this guy and the wife oked it she let me move in. but still i know its my failt still. but its not fair that im geting all the blame, there just as quilty just i am.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
i know i did wrong and i take full claim and im not puting blaim on no other. i repented to the wife for my sin toward her, and i repent to god for my sin. this also goes out to all those ones thats been cheated on, i repent to all that got cheated on by stupied people like me. i didnt see that it was wrong cause at the timeit seemed inocent at that time, i was blinded from my own selfness of mental problems that i was going through. i was broken inside at that time. now every day i suffer by dewling from knowing what i did, and not able to over come it and its been 3 years from 2009. i ask to be wash clean from my sin, to reborn as a true christain. to beable to move on from all this that i have done and brake the chains of prisonment from quilt. whats its worth i repent for my sin and to what i did to the wife even though she aloud it. i blame my self and no other. i repent for my sin.....
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I completely agree.  I have been engaged to a man for over a year.  We found out that I was pregnant, which was exciting news.  Then, this woman from his work kept coming over. She always had "problems" in her own divorced marriage.  She would drive an hour just to talk to him.  He said it was just friends.  By the time, I was in my 2nd trimester, it was a love affair with her.  She knew I was pregnant. She knew his health insurance was better than mine for the pregnancy and the baby.  Yet, she still chased him like a dog in heat.  Now she is on facebook talking about her boyfriend and she doesn't care if her son doesn't like her relationship with him.  It is sick! You steal not only a relationship, but this is my first pregnancy and now I am alone.  He has to get permission from her just to help me put a crib together at my place.  I am the one stuck with all the medical bills, wedding crap that I can't sell and a broken heart.  My only wish is that he is there for our child, but something tells me he won't be.  These women are just trash! I have never done this to another woman. I have always been the nice girl.  It is just a sad thing and really it is because of this woman in general. She knows how to play a game with a man and question a relationship. I am more honest about things and don't play the games she does.  She plays the game so well, that she should start a business of "how to trick men."  We could've had a beautiful life together and my son know his Dad.  Now, I've decided to name our son my last name.  And who knows if the man I onced loved will ever be in our son's life.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
And by the way, we were engaged for a year before the pregnancy. Everyone knew we were engaged. We took so long just to tie the knot because of his prenups and stuff. Then once we found out, I was pregnant. Again, told everyone about how we were expecting. How we might just elope now.  This woman knew all of that and yet still had her eyes of him. She chased him and bought him gifts.  She was acted like the perfect woman.  I think one of the main reasons, she was even after him, is because she knew he was getting a promotion at work.  When we found out about the baby is when he started to make more money at work from the promotion.  It wasn't too much longer than she was on him like a dog in heat. Why didn't she chase him the year we were engaged? Because he wasn't moving up the ladder as much then. She was a divorced woman then and not seeing anyone.  Yet, she waits til he is making more money and that I am pregnant that she comes into the picture.  I would never do that to another woman. Yet, beware sisters because there are a lot of trashy women like her out there that are selfish and can only see their own needs.  I just love it when these women claim to be "christian" too.  Really, since when did I hear about a ***** like you in the baby chasing after taken men? I guess since they are 'saved" they can do whatever they want to other people.  It is just sad that I will give birth soon and the man I was going to marry might not even go. He can't go to the ultrasounds unless she is able to go too. I will not let her go.  He says "you will love her once you get to know her."  Yeah, I have known her when you were at work and she was someone's secretary and not yours.  She is nothing but trash.  And guess what ladies, there are more trashy women like her that have no respect for other people.  It is all about them.  And have you noticed it is not the educated woman that chase these men.  It is the woman that are the uneducated women that need a man to take care of them all the time.  It is not the women that actually have a college degree.  I think if you look at the women that chase men and cheat in a marriage, I bet you will find that most are uneducated losers.  The women that are educated have more respect for themselves and for other people. Just beware sisters and don't allow the office **** in your door to explain her problems.  Tell her to find a shrink.
Blank
1894410_tn?1364193655
There is only one thing to say about the other women or man....
THESE WOMEN and MEN HAVE TO CHASE MARRIED MEN/women
BECAUSE SINGLE MEN/women KNOW THEY ARE TARTS
and they dont want well used goods.....and yeah it takes two but it only takes one tart to break the hearts of all the children out there being brought up by one parent instead of two.....Hope you like it in hell because they is where you are going....
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Wow I totally agree!!! I'm 10weeks pregnant and my husband cheated on me when I went back to school and I can't get over it at all. This woman chased him forever and caused my life so much hell. We moved away from my family and closer to his when we got married and my life went to hell, I've tried to forgive him but jus can't and I always have a feeling he's still doing it. The girl moved away but it moving back and I don't think Im gonna be ok when she gets here, I have a baby on the way but lots of hard feelings....
Blank
1925157_tn?1328932617
Oh boy, I like this post, I need to hear it all as well.. although I have never messed with a man that was married or in a serious relationship, I always felt that was outragestly wrong. But I also feel from experience with high school bull crap that those "woman" feel that as if the man wants to be with them instead and that it makes them feel better to kno that a taken man is "doing" her instead of his own woman.
Blank
2011481_tn?1374266267
Plain and simple.... i am a 28 yr old single mother of 2 boys ages 5 and 4.  I am divorced from thier father due to him cheating.  HE was the one telling the other woman that we were unhappy.  HE was telling her that we were already in the process of a divorce.  HE was the one lying to her and to me to get what HE wanted.  He even had the balls to tell me that he didnt tell her the truth about us because HE didn't want HER to feel uncomfortable.  In my situation, it is the man to blame.  The other worman contacted me and talked to me and told me her side of the story, which is when the truth really came out.  But on the other hand, the woman can also be the hunter.  It is all going to depend on the situation,

If you are married, and you are getting the feeling of being unhappy in your marriage, you need to talk to the other person.  Either you can fix it together, or you can get separated.  An amicable separation and divorce is a lot nicer and easier to do then one filled with hatrid.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I was twice with a married men, but I didn't know it, until his wife somehow found out my address and came with some friends and beat me up, luckily the neighbor saw & heard the yelling and called the cops, she ended up in jail for 1 month, they divorced and the big ahole asked me to "formally" go out with him, yeah right! but I will never forgive me foe being with him, not 1 day goes by that I don't remember all the bad I did, if I could only go back in time I would have never looked at him
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm not taking sides here, we all know it takes 2 to tango, but only one apple to rotten the bunch
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Hi.  Hey, you didn't know he was married.  That isn't your fault.  Much different than a long term affair or even a one night stand with someone that you know that they have a wife.  I hope that you really don't think of this every day and feel bad about it!  You just didn't know!  The jerk guy in your situation is the bad guy for sure as he hurt TWO people.  His wife AND  you.   Have peace in your heart.  
Blank
377493_tn?1356505749
I too was the other women and didn't know it.  This was many many years ago.  The very second I found out about his wife and kids I kicked him to the curb...I am a big believer in sisterhood and would never ever knowingly be involved with a married man, or even one in a relationship.  

I understand why you are being a bit hard on yourself.  I was too.  It's because we care, and I know I felt absolutely horrible about the whole thing, and still think about it.  I hate the idea that I could be a source of pain for another women, even if I didn't realize that I was.  I have learned to forgive myself, and you need to as well.  It is one thing to knowingly be involved with a married/committed man.  It is quite another when you have no idea that that is the case.  We didn't do anything wrong, but still, I know what you mean. It's awful to know you hurt an innocent person.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Will one of you women that likes other peoples men do me a favor and take mine? Comes with his own couch! It wont cure your behavior, but I sure bet it makes you think about what you might be getting for your efforts! Oh and for a bonus I will throw in the television.s/
Blank
172023_tn?1334675884
I am so grateful to Ex Mr. Peeks girlfriend I could do a happy dance right now.  He's HER problem now.  SHE will have to deal with him, his emotionally abusive and controlling ways, and he'll dump her in the end.  Let HER throw out his sporks.

I'm very glad to be out of there.  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
life has a funny way of working out sometimes.  Glad you are doing well!
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
lesson learned of all this, and im moving on, and i gave myself to god. people like me make miss takes with bad judgment. it seemed inocent at the time, and i came to relize that all that was involed had it all planed and used my meantal disabilty for my fall. i never came after this guy, he came after me, but im still at fault cause i feld for it when i should of known better. the wife and the husbund agreed on the dating thing, and then the wife turns it around after she oked it, and agreed of me moving in with them. the point is that i was wrong and i repent to all the married people that has been cheated on. i claim my wrong.
Blank
1813458_tn?1316678732
lesson learned and i claim my wrong, at least im not hiding the truth and im standing up to the plate and admiting i did wrong, but theirs others out there that just do it for fun, if i could chage the pass i would of never let it happed. i just wish i knew what i knew now. case close... missdummy
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
not all women chase after married men. some married men chase after single women.  so it just depends on the situation.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
That is true!  Unfortunately, once a woman knows a man is married----  both parties are doing grave wrong.  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I am going to stand up for the other women,  As I am sorry to say I was that other women for two years. When I meet Mr. P (as I will call him) I did ask him if he was with someone & he told me yes. I backed off to were 3 1/2 months later he come chasing me. My first thought wa what ever he had must of ended. AS NEVER ONCE DID HE TELL ME HE WAS LIVING WITH SOMEONE NOR MARRIED TO SOMEONE.  When I found out about her I wanted to end it & he did not. Every time I tried to back away he would come over, call me, text me  
like someone said they wil lie to us, as he told me that they were sleeping in different bedrooms, they were not having sex, they would fight all the time,
so dont go blaming the other women, because some times we dont know until it is to late we have fallen in love with them.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I understand that some woman are indeed fooled and that is such a shame.  It would be hard for me to stay in love with someone that lied to me so much in our relationship.  I have boundaries and that would cross the line for me.  I'd leave them for being lyers to me -----  not just because they were lyers to their wives.  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I guess my practical side comes out in dating and relationships.  I found that there is a whole wide world out there and I didn't need to be bogged down by relationships with such complications.  I wouldn't be interested in all of that back and forth stuff as I looked at relationships from the standpoint of healthy verses difficult/complicated.  

It's not a judgement to say that if we enter into a complicated situation with someone that has a lot of baggage (including a signficant other)-----  that we probably will have a tumultous relationship and possibly get burned.  Goes with the territory.  

Luck to all to make good choices.
Blank
707563_tn?1395081210
Hi everyone -

This thread has gotten pretty heated, but let's remember that we are a safe site, and we can disagree without being disagreeable.

It's a sore subject for many, but please watch the name calling and insults.  

Emily
Blank
1894410_tn?1364193655
I have given this a lot of thought, A LOT, I was married for 30 years to the perfect husband, I loved being married to him and we had four beautiful children and we were preparing to the freedom of no children at home. Then his mother and father died closely together. My ex lost the plot, he started drinking and smoking and staying out. I was understanding and try very hard to support him, but he blamed me for everything. Then our 22 year old neighbor (female) decided to take advantage of him, at first I blamed both of them, but after a lot of thought, I blame her totally.

Ex was in a lot of pain and she fed him beer and smokes and partied with him, she watched his family fall apart and she did nothing to help our family. I even begged her to leave him alone, he is 50 years old, and she said to me, I like having him around I dont have any friends so I will not stop him coming. She enjoyed helping him ruin his life, he spent his family money on her and she was proud of the fact she was sleeping with him.

I strongly believe if she was not around we would of worked through it, I do  say that because, he only had sex with her for 2 months and then he wanted to come home. He is still a very sick man, his drinking is out of control, his smokes a packet a day, and he has lost his relationship with his kids. He has also lost his best friend and the only person in his life that knows all about him.

His life is now a very lonely one, he only has 2 main friends who are over 65 years old and he plays scrabble twice a week. He only sees his family every now and then, and he has no future plans at all. NONE. I believe now that he just lives his boring life as a routine. I now feel sorry for him, would I have him back, no to much hurt there.

So sometimes I think it takes two, however sometimes these women search for men who are going through depression and they jump. Our marriage is the third one this bimbo has destroyed, and I pray that she will always be alone, for that is what she deserved.
Blank
1268057_tn?1418174381
Hey Linda....

You've made some valid points, however, it wasn't this "other woman" who destroyed your marriage, but your husband allowing his marriage to be destroyed by his choices and actions.  She didn't put a gun to your husband's head and force him to cheat and leave his family.....he did this.

I am not sure why the "other woman" gets 100% blame.  These woman don't have any magical powers to make these men cheat.  These men choose to cheat.  Put the blame where the blame is due.  

People just don't cheat for sex......they cheat because they are lacking or missing something in their existing relationship.  Cheating isn't per se 100% about sex.  

Your husband made vows to you to be faithful, not the other woman. It is up to the husband to say.......NO, I am married and I don't cheat.  

"Our marriage is the third one this bimbo has destroyed, and I pray that she will always be alone, for that is what she deserved.".......I would be more apt to say this is the third marriage that the husband decided to stray outside his marriage.  Hopefully, your husband and this woman will get what they deserve in the end.  That would be fair to say.

All the best Linda.  
Blank
1268057_tn?1418174381
These woman is supposed to be these women.....typos, uggg.
Blank
1894410_tn?1364193655
I agree with what you say, however some women do not know they are dating married man and these husbands are weak man and not worth the time of day and the women are victims. However women who know these man are married some take pride in themselves and not sleep with someone else husbands. I blame both in this situation, I do believe some women are so lonely and have no self esteem that they take advantage of husbands when they are weak. My ex husband ran out of money and she left and now he realizes what he is future alone looks like and he wants his family back. I can not go back there, I cant love someone who can leave his family so coldly, I would rather be alone. LInda
Blank
1268057_tn?1418174381
You are absolutely correct for looking forward and I am so proud of the progress you've made as you should be too.  I am sure you are.  

It is unfortunate people take advantage of people who are in vulnerable situations.  Terrible.  

All the best dear.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I did see a married man at work. I was recently seperated. I had worked with him for 2 years. He was a big flirt. His wife I believe knew something was up. We talked a lot at work. I would go to his house on weekends for the parties.he was known as a cheater. I believe she was too. I had sex once with him. We knew it was wrong. So we never did again. Then I met someone . The married man become very jelouse . I ended up not working there anymore . We r friends. His daughter and my nephew are married. My thing with this is. If it wasn't me it would be someone else. And the wife's should be furious at the other women. The husbands are the ones commited to them.i wouldn't do it again. It just happened. If something is truly yours , no one could take it
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Hm, the if it wasn't me it would be someone else excuse?  Integrity usually counters excuses.  Anything you know is wrong ahead of time shouldn't be done, right?  No excuses.  

I do always believe things tend to haunt us and things have a way of repeating.  

A wife has every right to be furious with her husband and to think the 'other' woman has problems with morals and to wish her ill will.  Both deserve it.  Yuck.  
Blank
1894410_tn?1364193655
Only a very guilty person blames everyone else, I think in some cases men and women are to blame. However if women had morals and dignity for herself then she would never sleep with a married man on purpose. You say if it wasn't you it would of been someone else. Yes they are called prostitutes. When women had morals, dignity and always ensure that her behaviour would never bring shame on their families. You slept with a married man, you have to live with that shame forever, shame on you. My husband lost his mother and father and he hit rock bottom, while he was rock bottom the local tart slept with him and now he has lost his family and friends because this tart didn't say no. Maybe if she had said no he would of come home to his wife, but this tart gave him somewhere to hide from life. Of course he wants to come home, he would never lower himself to have a relationship with someone with no morals, dignity and doesn't care about her family. But now I am the searching whether to forgive or not. You may be happy having no morals and dignity and happy to bring shame on your family. But listen to this, it is not always the mans fault, you bring shame on all women, so stop making excuses and own up to your mistakes.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
you took a vow with yur husband not the women if he decides to cheat on yu thats between yu him and god not the womens problem maybe you married the wrong man his actions clearly show hes not 100% in his marriage and he rather be else where women are so insecure blaming the other woman but the truth of the matter if it he cheats he'll always do it and if not with her he sure will have his eyes and his **** pointed at somebody else
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I hate the women allow themselves to be used for sex by being with a married man.  Sad.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
maybe yur husband was just a dog denied you and your kids took his wedding ring off and played very single should the woman be sorry for not finding his social and doing a background check ?(NOo) yu knew who yu married he probably cheated before yu tied the knot but yu thought a peice of paper would change something
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I think that women that knowing ly sleep with a married man are very sad creatures and those that hook up with men they don't know very well are equally so.  Very sad and usually lonely old ladies they become.  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I am personally lucky by the way that my husband has remained faithful in our 16 years together.  We are committed and in love.  

I personally would counsel ANY woman considering an affair with a married man to think twice.  They are being used.  And I also would try to explain to a woman to not just give her body away to anyone who shows interest . . .  to get to know them better.  Also very sad that so many women are so desperate for attention that they find themselves with anyone available to them.  So little respect for themselves they show at that time.  so I would want to help a woman see that in herself.  

And I would always be on the victim's side . . .  the wife.  
Blank
1894410_tn?1364193655
Madison you sound like a very unhappy woman, may be too many married man have promise you the world and you always end up alone. I understand when a woman believe she is dating a wonderful man only to found out he is married. I was married for 30 years when my husband cheated with some dirty bimbo who lived next door and knew we were married. You say it is between him and me, yes that is true. However she knew we had children and she didn't care and that is when it is wrong. Did I forgive my husband, no I am divorcing him, do I regret the last 30 years, never we had a great marriage, 5 beautiful children and I was very happy and content, until his parents died and he suffered a bad depression, with drinking, smoking and this bimbo. I will continue to have a great life and I will be a great grandma, on my own. Why?because it is my choice and I choose my future, unlike bimbos I don't need a man to make me whole. I suggest you talk to a Councillor because you are one angry person. When you experience real love with someone who isn't married you will never be with a married man again, why, because you will realize you deserve better.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My fiance who has been with me for 6 years had been having a platonic emotional relationship with a girl at work. I found the texts and emails they shared. Even though he would constanly tell her he is deeply inlove with me and they are just friends he would still flirt with her. She chased him for 3 years the first year he ignored her but after that he realized the high level of attention she gave him. she would listen to him and not nag like a wive back at home would. She would compliment him on his looks attire etc. He did not become phycical with her. And in his head he assumed that just because he knew she would do anything to have him and he gave her back attention when she would come around so easy but it never became physical he did not felt he was cheating. It still makes him a cheater in my book.

My fiance should not give any woman attention but me. He should not let anyone else fill special. When I found out and confronted her being the little coward she is she would ask my fiance what to say. She emailed me and told me she had been cheated on and had broken her own engagement before. She would never go after a taken man bc she knows what it feels like. That all everyone did at their office was talk about his wedding. etc. He would tell her to ignore me because he even admited being scared that i would make her do smth crazy. if he pushed her away drastically she could turn around and try to f him up at work, so he would just ignore her. She called his phone like 35 times i picked up and she yelled at me. He took the phone from me and yelled back at her telling her to not talk to me like that. Things got out of hand and i was equally his fault for persuing for attention. She said what do you want me to do? she called me a coward, home wreker.. etc and he would just tell her. The friendship it's over go your way.

I blame both of them. Her for meeting me, telling me all he does is talk about me in the office and that i was so luckty he loved me so much. and knowing what a wonderful man he was to me. But then turning around and trying to take that away. And I blame him for jeopardizing what we had. He might as well had slept with her.  

never in our 6 years together i felt theatnen he ate lunch with me almost everyday, came home to me every night. Would call me the minute he left work. Never gave one reason to suspect he was giving someone else attention for the thril and the ego busting.

the minute a find out, he wanted nothing to do with her. He ignored her calls, texts etc. Quit his job, sought out religious help. Started going to counseling. But some how to me it isn't enough. The emotional betrayal of flirting with someone just because they are there, easy and available is just as bad as physical betrayal. Maybe even worst. Our wedding is supposed to happen in 5 months. He's gone above and beyond to do what ever he can for me to forgive this. But i still can't decide if to believe the man I thought he was for all this time or kick him to the curve. He adores my family. Treats me like a princes. Compliments me daily doesn't neglet any of my needs or desires. But it is also one of the reason why I can't wrap my head around why he betrayed me like that.
Thoughts?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I just wanna say that HOLDING ON to the ANGER and HURT is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die......
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
WHEN ARE YOU SAD ******* WIVES GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILTY THAT IT WAS YOUR LAME HUSBANDS IDEA TO CHEAT????
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Wow... This has turned into a great conversation (minus the rude name calling and insults) really NO need for that! Everyone has their opinions and should be able to post them free from the fear of child like insults... That being said I would like to say how extremely important it is for women to stick together!! Married or committed men are OFF LIMITS... IF HE WILL CHEAT WITH YOU, HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU. If you feel that"it's different, he would never do that to me" you're wrong! His WIFE probably didn't think so either! Married men use women as distractions from real life. The stories they tell to get laid are pathetic...you know the ones.."my wife never shows me attention, we never have sex, blah frickin blah! But as u can see 80% of the time when he has used your body he goes HOME to his "miserable" wife... Please women, don't fall into the trap! Women need to STAND UNITED!! Lets quit hurting each other...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I was with a man for 3 years and never once found out he was married. I met his family, been to his house, and he played the game so well that his wife and I never knew anything about the other for 3 whole years. It's not always the other woman fault. I did everything I could to convince his wife that I didn't know about her but from her side of it I wouldn't have believed me either. I did find out that 6 months after all this happened they did file for Divorce. She moved out of state and he is living with his patents. I'm sorry that your man did this to you but try to understand that some guys are really good liars.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I think some situations happen in which a woman can be completely fooled and that is most unfortunate.  I'm sorry that happened to you kono.  that must have hurt to find out the truth.  

To badlady, sure, husbands should not cheat. It very well could be there idea but only a weak minded woman would go along with it.  And often they do not expect enough out of a person to want a free man.  I would not take someone's left overs.  I want a man all for myself.  So, yes men are definitely wrong for cheating.  But their willing partners who know they were married are also unethical and karma does bite hard.  

luck to all married couples out there making it work and women who are trying to get back on track after being fooled by a gross man.  The knowing women who got into relationships with married men can wait their turn for karma to find them.  peace all
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i know this is from yrs ago but i just wanted to comment i caught this ***** messaging my husband i textd back like if i was him thn after she replied im going to miss u am going to cry for ur fault i was like who is this and wht do u want with my husband and she said o u have nothing to worry about hea just my friend hes told me he loves u and bla bla bla but she keepd on messeging and me and my husband got into it and he said she was just a friend but they keeped on with there **** and i find out later shes sending pics dedicating song and everything i told him ur going to be doing this **** get the **** out of house and i textd her respect a marriage if not ur someone elses because ***** was married herself and she textd back ur right i appaligize dont worry am not going to text again ever but they keepd there **** so i textd her again u think ur husband is going to like it when ge finds out ***** is like i dnt care if he finds out the faster he finds out the faster i take urs away i was like really ***** will see and me and my husband got into it again told him to get the **** out of the house he sweard up and down he would never talk to her again i told him trust me ama find out if u keep ur **** and sure inof i caught him again so i kicked his *** i beat the living **** out of him kicked him the **** out and told him later down the road u tell me if all of tht was worth it and he started begging i was like nope get the **** out get the **** out hes like its not worth it am sorry i love u i was like nope get the **** out so thru his *** out and tht ***** i made sure everybody knew she was a ***** tht messed with married man while been married her self
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Oh my goodness.  First, yes this is an old post.  SEcond, I do not advocate retaliation and 'letting everyone know'.  That is immature.  I'm not one for that type of thing and you have to be careful that it doesn't come back to bite you when she begins to have a case against you for harassment or slander.  One always has to ask how she had your husband's number.  While I don't condone in women being with a taken or married man, I also think we need to put the blame equally on the person that has the partner/spouse.  good luck
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Okay, re read the above post and I guess she did kick her husband out.  But in all honesty, the beating him up and all of that is unnecessary.  although, I read on another forum that you are trying to get pregnant, then you are pregnant, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, very conflicting information.  Not sure what is going on but it is unwise to EVER be violent with your spouse no matter what they've done.  Leave with your dignity rather than resorting to the lowest of low, violence.  good luck to all
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I think the saddest thing to me is hearing women use the phrase " This woman messed up our home " "She chased my husband and led him astray"......Look at the big picture, Some women stay married to there husband for 15+ years and they claim to have this wonderful, inseparable bond. But Yet ONE single woman is the cause of destroying a foundation that was built before she came along. What most women fail to realize is, It was already broken. There were signs that you overlooked, Spice and passion died out and the thrill that was once there has now become dull! And there is no one working to get it back.  This will cause major problems,  Every Man wants spice, Passion and desire. Something that has to progressed as time moves on. The problem is NOT these other women its the women that say "This is my Husband "...Well if that foundation Is so strong in that marriage of yours, that husband of yours will think twice before adding a third wheel...But if Not this isn't the man GOD Gave you! Anything from him has order and No Other Woman can destroy it......
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Actually nasara, a lot of men just think with their genitals (and women at times too) and make stupid mistakes.  

I do agree that the man or married partner involved is most to blame.  It is not their partners fault if they cheat and unfair to say things like that.  For, there is a whole host of reasons why a person becomes weak and cheats.  Personally, I think it is a character flaw and a sign of a weak and damaged soul but there are other reasons.  Sure, a marriage might not be working well but that does not mean that someone should break the vow and go outside the marriage.  They work on it.  What does the partner considering cheating bring to the marriage?  What spice and passion do they provide to their partner?  What have they communicated in terms of things that would improve the relationship?  it's not a spouses fault for a partner cheating.  Instead, it is the wrong order of things for someone to go outside of the marriage.  You work on things at home first.  If it doesn't work, then you divorce and you are free to do as you please.  But if you choose to go behind someone's back,  you make your partner a complete victim.

And the poor person that gets involved with the married person?  I feel so bad for them for having such low self worth to settle for that.  Lonely souls desperate for someone.  They set low boundaries and are willing to put up with a man that goes between to places.  I have so much more self respet than that.  Pride even.  I want my own man and I do not share.  I'm nobodies second best.  I'm nobodies side dish.  It would be very hard to live that way in my opinion.  

And there are absolutely low life women that throw themselves at married men.  THEY are awful.  I don't think that this negates the responsibility of a man that gets with them but in their own right, they are pretty scummy.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Bottom line is men think with their smaller head.  Do you know how many married  men have pursed me!?   They lie.....  I know you don't want to hear this, BUT, if he's happy at home, he's not looking.    And if he's looking, 100 percent odds say he's lying about his marital status.  Too many single woman get suckered in by these guys...  You can blame the "other woman" all you want, but if he was a decent man to begin with nothing would happen.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, I think many happily married men will have sex with someone else.  I don't think it has that much to do with home in a lot of cases.  I don't blame another woman that was lied to.  She couldn't help what she didn't know.  If she knows, that is a different story.  But I don't think it is fair to say that a man who cheats is unhappy at home.  Like you said, the little head needs constant reassurance and attention.  And opportunity speaks to that.  

But wow, this is an old thread that just won't die.  Geez, it's several years old.  The original poster is long gone.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Very old thread but this subject will always be something to talk about...UNFORTUNATELY... Its so sad..
Blank
1268057_tn?1418174381
Agree with Ohnonotagain514.......

If everything is great at home then the man isn't seeking sex outside the home period.

An affair or cheating is a symptom of a relationship with serious issues that need addressing and most of the time it isn't about the sex per se......it's about how the man feels with the other woman.

Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Old thread folks. Please start your own threads for this discussion regarding cheating and your husbands or how this affects you personally.  It's an age old discussion with different points of view.  

I would venture a guess that all sorts of people cheat for all sorts of reasons.  It's unfair to claim to know why or why not a person cheats on their partner and I sure hope I've never done so. There would be no one person that would know this for everyone as all people are different in terms of what motivates them.  Some may be unhappy at home and some just may be out of town and see the opportunity and go for it with no intention But the partner at home being cheated on is the victim and for that person, I always stand up for them.  

One thing I do agree ohnonotagain and THANK YOU for saying it is that if someone is decent (and I'll add of strong character), you don't have this problem.  

Again, this is an old thread and the original poster is long gone.  Best of luck to all and may NO ONE have to suffer a cheating partner again.  I know, dream on.  But it is painful and I hate for anyone to go through that.  And as far as when I was single, I would have hated to be involved in a scenario that caused that hurt for another woman by being with her husband.  peace
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Its not her its him!!!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
TAKES 2 TO TANGO SWEETIE SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU !
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
You're not breaking anything to me babygurly22.  this is an old post and the original poster is long gone.  

Please start your own threads.  thank  you.  I hope all who have been cheated on find peace and the same for those that were the cheaters and the used ones the cheater was with.  peace to all.  
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I agree..but this isn't mportant enogh to...WHOEVER.....because they haven't dealt wt it I guess.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Yes...it goes both ways but it's up to thewoman if it happens  or not . We re so much stronger than men when I comes to cheatin' on ur spouse . Does it really need to happen? True love ALWYS gets back together so why **** it up. If u do feel u just want to do it.at least don't get caugt Be escret and don't hurt ur loved one.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I understand this post is old but I was the other woman in my husbands first marriage. I am willing to talk about it and answer any questions
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Yes.  It is an old post.  Please post your own question as it is better than dredging old posts back to the top so real time posts fall below it.  thank you
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I met my husband when I was in my early 20's. He was married with no kids. I actually worked with his wife and we were friends. They had a very rocky marriage. Neither had cheated that I am aware of. We all partied and stayed up all hours. His wife in I worked in a bar at the time. She was working a nightshift and he called and asked if I wanted to come over and have a few drinks. We had innocently flirted on occasion so I knew what could happen if I acccepted the invite but I went anyways. Well this is the part that I am ashamed of, not only did we have sex that night we continued having an affair for over a year. Everytime she worked a nightshift that I wasn't scheduled I went to her house. She never suspected a thing. I was young and had no intentions on settling down so we never even spoke of him leaving her for me. We were "living in the moment."  Well I didn't know that excessive drinking could counter act your birth control, I do now! I ended up pregnant. I wasn't having sex with anyone else so there was not a question as to who the father was.

I'm sure this next sentence will get tons of criticism; I am a Christian and attend church every Sunday, have ever since I was a little girl, so abortion was not an option. Me and my now husband spoke about what we should do and I have him a "get out of jail free card." I told him specifically I knew he was married and I never wanted his marriage to break up because of me. He said he couldn't do that. We decided to tell her the WHOLE truth, we left nothing out. This was more his idea than mine, he felt he atleast owed her that. It did not go well, infact if I wasn't pregnant I do believe she would of physically attacked me. I left their house that night not knowing what to expect but I wasn't going to hold him to what he said about being in our child's life.

I kept my distance for weeks, even quit my job because I wanted to make things easier on her. I had just graduated with my masters in childhood development and had some promising leads to start my career, as to where she never attended college and who have a harder time.about three weeks after we told her the news she shows up at my house I had just bought crying. As soon as I opened the door she just started accusing me of.....well pretty much everything I was guilty of except one thing, I was not trying to steal him, never was and at that time had no intentions of it. This was all in the doorway so I invited her in. I explained to her I absoulty did not want to "be" with her husband and even though she said "you can't have him, he is mine," I swore to her those are not my intentions. I explained to her everything I said to him about the "get out of jail free card" and it's his, and hers if they are going to stay together, weather they are in my baby's life. She left that night and the next morning I received a call from him saying they wanted to meet.

Ok, I'm going to skip details because this part is long. If you would like them just ask and I will gladly fill you in on specifies but basically we all three came to an agreement that what we had done was wrong but she hadn't been Mrs. Perfect wife so they were going to work it out and "start over." She forgave both of us and she was adamant they the three of us co-parent. I had NO problem with this at all and was actually glad they decided to work it out.

My daughter is born. We all went through the pregnNcy together, in fact she didn't miss even one appt! They gradually grew apart but me not my daughter had any involvement in the cause of their divorce. They were divorced for over a year before me and him even considered anything between us. Honestly I hadn't even had the thought until me and my daughter were at her 2nd wedding to her now husband. My daughter was the flower girl. She continued her role as "step mom" even after the divorce. When she told me they were divorcing she begged me not to take my daughter away from her. She took her regularly still on her own and they have a wonderful bond.

Anyways, I was at her wedding still single but very much happy with my life. My career had taken off, my daughter is/was the best thing that ever happened to me, and she had a involved loving father and stepmother to help me with my demanding work schedule, things were great. I was in the back room with her while she changed into her travel clothes and she looked me in the eyes and said, Mandee, Carl and I have been divorced for over a year don't you think it's time you gave (my daughter name) her family she should of had since day one. You two were ment to be and the sooner you pull your head out your *** the better."

Shortly after I married my daughters dad and we now have a son as well. I have never been happier. My friend has two little girls and is happily married to her 2nd husband. We are family.

People can judge and "hate" all they want but not all affairs have negative consequences. People will treat you the way you allow and your life is what you make it. We took what could of been a devastating situation and turned it into a very loving unique family.

Blank
8533045_tn?1398577558
WHY R U ABUSING YOURSELF TO SAY ITS NOT THE HUSBAND/ OR WIFES FAULT INFADELITY IN A MARRAGE IS BETWEEN HUSBAND AND A WIFE IT IS HIS OR HER FAULT TOR HAVING THE AFFAIR NOT THE OTHER PERSON THEY HAD THE AFAIR WITH COME ON YOU JUMP TO BLAME THE OTHER PERSON WELL  BY YOU CONDEMING THEM FOR MAKING YOUR HUSBAND CHEAT ON U , IN THE EYES OF GOD, I DO BELIEVE YOUR CHEATING YOURSELF FOR MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM CHEATING WHITCH I BELIEVE IS A SIN ALSO I COULD BE WRONG BUT I AM NOT IN YOUR SHOES EVERYONE WILL ANSWER TO GOD FOR HIM OR HER SINS SO THINK ABOUT IT IT IS YOUR CHOICE AND IF YOU CHOSE WRONG WELL THAT IS A CHOICE AND YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOUR SELF I AM NOT FOR EATHER OF THE CHEATING A HOLES BUT NOW I HAVE TO ASK TO BE FORGIVEN FOR JUDGEING ANOTHER PERSON I HOPE THIS HELP AND OPENS YOUR EYES I GOD WE TRUST NEVER IN ANYONE ELSE REQUIRES PROFF THANKS TARGETFIRE
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Infidelity is always wrong and indicates a lack of character.  good luck
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry, your post couldn't be directed towards me, right? If it is you seriously misunderstood my story
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Infidelity is always wrong and shows a lack of character.  

This is an old thread.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I agree , it was/ is something I am not proud of. It's not something we share with new people in our life either. A person actions from a particular situation doesn't define their character on who they are then or now. People make mistakes and what defines the person they are is how they handle the aftermath of such situations. My friend has never judged me me or held anything against me since the beginning of the situation. I was a horrible friend, if you can even call me that, but she saw the good qualities I possessed instead of the negative and chose to c  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Again, this is an old thread.  thank you
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Continue our friendship. She is my absolute best friend in the world now because she posses the ability to forgive. She always has been and I believe always will be a better person than myself. I would not/could not forgive such a betrayal from someone so close to me. Her friendship and strength has made me a better person.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Sigh, this is an old post. thank you.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
So awesome, blessed lady, you need to be many of men's friend of inspiration, it comes down to a choice, a true man or women lives true to theire word, if you are married, yes you hurt and betray your spouse, they are innocent, the cheating in true spouse, betrays their self, they carry the weight, the guilt, it is so sad to see how unaccountable people are, personally, to and for others.
In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word is God, God is Love, His word is truth, if we don't have him in and with us, or your mate, Good luck, trusting an earthly man( women) s word,  if it isn't endorsed by and with God, it will not be true.  Lived, and breathed it for 33 years,  it does take two to make a relationship, one can't do it alone, one Apple can spoil many,
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
So a man or woman engaging in an affair wouldn't happen if things were all good at home ???? people cheat just cause its there sometimes
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
This is a very old post.  VERY OLD.  Old.  Old enough that it would be great if we could post our own post instead of using this one.  good luck
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
amen..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
This is a great statement!  The husbands ARE at fault.  Some men are dealing with unresolved issues, just as well as some women.  Broken women attract broken men and play games with each other's lives.  A married man was in pursuit of me until I so lovingly informed him that I was not born to be a mistress.  When a woman values herself, she will never allow a married man to sweet talk her into trying to fill "his" selfish void.  It was hard in the beginning because I was separated and celibate for over 5 years; however, I had to remember my worth!  I will be honest, he is a good looking man; I DO MEAN GOOD LOOKING; Woooooooooooooo,  and I almost fell in love with him.  After crying knowing that our texting one another was beginning to weigh heavily on my heart, I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION to Delete the texts, his pictures and everything else to remind me of my "diamond" status!  I began with 21 seconds, then 21 minutes, then 21 hours, then 21 days, then 21 months eventually the desires of wanting him ALL WENT AWAY!  I must remain valuable to my God first, then to myself !!!   I would NEVER wish for a good man to leave his wife and children for me.  How selfish and corrupt; seriously it is not worth one night of GOOD SEX.   I constantly remind myself the I Was Not Born to Be a Mistress ~ I Was Born to Be Treasured By A Real Husband.  My Own!  
Blank
11431787_tn?1418167784
Love the happy ending. Wish I could have said the same my husband did have a affair during mlc.  Moved in with the OW / his co-worker he has returned home and is a different person my life will be forever changed. 26 years marriage I still feel like I am in shock , I have my down days I love him but I still feel the hurt and pain I take it a day at a time.  Hopefully time will heal me. I have a really big trust issues now I have to stay in prayer.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Divorce & Breakups Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
1268057_tn?1418174381
Blank
Londres70
France
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
UnsureMS
Austin, TX