Attention WOMEN who messed with a Married Man

[bluestarmom187]

I want to hear from those women who have felt that they had a right to interfer with a marrige and chase after a married man.

Come on....if your women enough to play the game then you should be woman enough to discuss this with a wife who has been on the receiving end.

[Candy768]

I agree these women that chase after married man should come out and face the music.

if a man is married or in a serious relationship why not BACK OFF??????

You have no right messing up a home and then the wife seems to be made the bad one because you screwing with her husband.

I do not understand women like that why would you wanna mess up a marriage what if it was your marriage?

[bluestarmom187]

I think that every State should have a law that if another women is found to be chasing after a married man, the wife of that marriage should be able to have her sent to jail for about six months or so. It is hard enough keeping a marrige together in these tough times. We do not need these women who seem to have problems finding their own single men to have the right to chase after our men. Men have a hard enough time figuring out their wives let alone tring to figure out the games that these type of women will play.

The person who did this to me...changed her cell phone number agian....and moved out of her apt. So I have no way to confront her which angers me more. Just a dog running with her tail between her legs. I did find her myspace page and sent emails out to all of her friends and faimly about how she was a "HUSBAND POUCHER" she has since changed her myspace to private. LOL

[Mozartcowgirl]

I really think this goes both ways... what about the husband? shouldnt he carry some blame as well? you can be the best wife in the world..but there are some men who just do this.  i cannot see the sense of only blaming the woman.  it was also his choice.  i can certainly understand how you feel.. my ex husband cheated on me ..  i was more angry with my exhusband... than with the "other woman".  after seeing a lawyer... i made sure that HIS family knew what a jerk he really was.  when a man or woman makes a commitment to each other.. their are rules..
every case is different...but seriously.... i think its more the husbands fault.  the grass isnt always greener on the other side... we wives are good women... and some men simply make really bad choices.. and.. well.. do we really know what the husband tells the "other woman? if he is willing to lie to you.. and have an affair.. dont you think he would have no problem with lying about his relationship with his wife?

[bluestarmom187]

Yes..my soon to be exhusband is at fault as well. But the 1st time when I relized somthing was going on I asked this woman in a very friendly manner what was going on and she not only assured me that they were just friends talking on the phone but she went as far as saying "I think of him as a brother" she then changed her cell phone number so that I might get confussed or something (like I am really that stupid) and it was her that was calling my husband, and he fell into her crying, please help me game.

She was calling my husbands work cell number...it's not like he could get it changed....But he has been kicked to the curb..I just wish I could do the same to her.LOL

[mami1323]

Believe me I know exactly how you feel.  My fiance cheated on me and I confronted the w h o r e who knew all about me but it wasn't her.  He probably was telling her all these horrible things about our relationship.  She's the dumb one who believed it all.  Expecting him to leave me even after a year and a half went by and he still never left.  But that's her being stupid.  He's the one who is held responsible because he's the one who committed to me and betrayed that commitment.  But I do hold her equally responsible.  I would NEVER do that to another woman.  It's a matter of having respect for other women and for myself.  I will not break up a home.  Some women are just desperate and lonely and feed off of the attention these men are giving them, even if they are involved.  It's sad but if I were you, I would let it go.  There really isn't much you can do, she will get it back to her in the end.  Maybe one day she will be married or involved and some other woman will interfere with her relationship.  

[Lonelymom]

I can blame the other woman. She was supposed to be my best friend and was behind my back sleeping with my husband. She would tell me she has too much repect for me to do that and that she wasn't attracted to him but I would come home and find her hands where they shouldn't be. She came very close to causing a divorce. She did however cause a seperation. No she was not alone but what man can resist an 18 year old half dressed with a model body coming onto them and rubbing their ego constantly. Plus she knew we were having problems mainly over money at the time and moved in when things were already rocky between us.

She has moved away but I am sure she hasn't changed her ways and is probably going after another married man!! She was the biggest s l u t I had ever met. She would change into her bikini and walk around like that all the time. Or put the bikini top on and a short skirt on with thongs underneath and make sure to bend over infront of a group of me.

[Smilerdeb]

I blame BOTH.
It takes 2 to tango and if hubby wants to play up with another woman then let her have him as he isnt worth holding onto!

[sammy73]

I believe there are some women out there who particularly find themselves attracted to men who are already married/attached.

Possibly because it is "forbidden fruit", something they shouldn't have access too, that makes it exciting.

Perhaps it makes their ego feel good to attract a man who's already with someone else, like they won a competition against someone else to get this man.

Some women are more attracted to men a bit older than they are, and it's simply the case that most of those men are already with someone else (unless they are deeply undesirable).

Some may like the lack of commitment of being a mistress - they are scared of being in a full-blown committed relationship, while being with a married man they get attention and sex without too much commitment.

Some may feel (instinctively or conciously) that any man who is single must have something wrong with them, or they would have someone.  If they are in a secure relationship already, they have proved that they must be desirable, and that they are capable of having a committed relationship.  No-one wants the last apple on the shelf of the supermarket - if everyone else has rejected it, there must be something wrong with it even if it looks OK.

Of course, there are some who just didn't realise the man was already married until they were already involved (and we've had a few of those here and on the Relationships board).


No-one yet has said anything about the guys who sleep with married women.  No condemnation for them, it seems.  But men are simple creatures - show them a woman who's willing to have sex with them (and is not offensive to the eyes) and they will do it, married or not.  I do feel a bit of anger towards the guys my wife slept with, but I can't say I really blame them.  They could easily have not known she was married, so didn't do anything unreasonable - although at least one (apparently) did, and that didn't seem to have slowed him up any.  OK, I would like to deck him (even though I'm completely not violent and couldn't fight my way out of a soggy paper bag if I wanted to), but more to satiate my own anger than because I honestly blame him.  I'm sure he didn't set out deliberately to sleep with a married woman that evening.

[teko]

It sounds like they were both trying to get attention. I think these women feel superior over the wife somehow.  But with that said it is up to the man to zip or unzip, so to speak. I do not think you can rape a man.

[cat9841]

you cannot steal a man who dosent' want to be stolen.

[mami1323]

I guess you have been the other woman.

[Cherie762]

it takes two to make it and two to break it..always...

[jovitz]

to the cheated: forgive and forget then move on
to the cheaters: repent and never do it again or you'll be sorry if it happens to you. always remember ' what you sow, you will reap'

[madmac]

1 thing I really find amazing is how easy some of you male or females come up with excuses for your partners cheating especially you ladies. There is absolutely no excuse for cheating. Again if you are in-love with your partner there can never be temptation. Another thing that amazes me is when the m/f breaks up the marriage and lives with the other their shocked when the other cheats on them. ONCE a cheater always a cheater  Now some will say "not always" but every person I have ever heard of that's cheated has done it again. I admit there may be the odd acception but none that I'm aware of.

[heatherlynn22]

i don't believe in the once a cheater always a cheater. my dad cheated on my mother after i was born. after she completely humiliated him and the other woman...she went straight to her attorney and started the divorce filings.

now...my father....the (now) wonderful man that he is...learned his lesson. he has never cheated on another woman. however, the what goes around comes around. is so very true. his second wife cheated on him. and now HER 3rd husband...is an alcoholic cheater. lol...talk about karma.

[lor662]

WOMAN WHO CHASE A MARRIED MAN ARE  ATTENTION SEEKERS,HOME-WRECKERS,AND HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM,WHY TRY TO PICK UP A MARRIED MAN WHEN THE WORLD IS FULL OF GOOD SINGLE MEN,,THEY LOVE THE CHASE,THE DRAMA AND COMPLETION OF THERE GOAL THERE PRIZE,,,,,AS FOR THE MARRIED MAN,THEY ALSO LOVE THE ATTENTION,SOME EVEN BRAG ABOUT IT,LOW-LIFES,,ALL IN ALL THEY BOTH DESERVE EACH OTHER THERE BOTH LOOSERS WITH NO RESPECT EVEN FOR THEIR LOW LIFE CHOICES

[Key27]

I agree with the part when you said that women who sleep with married men have low self-esteem.  If any women accepts second place, they cannot have much self love or confidence.  

I disagree with you on some things.  However, It does take two.  The problem with many women is that we let men off of the hook.  Men always have their mothers, sisters. aunts, wives, and girlfriends making excuses and taking up for them.  In this society, many men do not have to take responsibilty for their actions.  This is the major problem.  If a person does not admit to their wrong, they will NEVER learn from mistakes.  

I have made the STUPID mistake of calling the other woman or cursing out her or telling her to stay away from my man.  I say the man is the one to blame, because he is the one who supose to love and care about you not her.  

I found myself calling woman after woman.  If one woman rejects your husband's advances, there will always be another woman.  It's your husband who needs to respect you.  

When I was 19 years old, a 25 year-old married man made advances at me.  I never tried to make any advances, he was the one.  I worked with him and his wife's step-father worked with us as well.  He was unbeliveable.  I rejected him, but that did not stop him.  

Many men make the advances first.  Although some women do too.  I am just sooo sick and tried of people letting men off of the hook.  It seems to me, we don't expect much from men.  THIS IS PROBABLY WHY THEY CHEAT.

[VicUser]

If a man has a wife that shows him affection, admiration and appreciation he will be hers forever, unless he is a self centered jerk. After 28 years of marriage there have been times that I have felt really unwanted. I read “the care and feeding of husbands” to “see” what my wife was doing wrong, lol. I realized though that there were areas that I was lacking in too. I finally got her to read the book and she was not impressed, why should she have to change, right? So, I started being nicer making sure that I treated her the way I wanted her to treat me, I pretended that she wasn’t just my wife but my girlfriend and guess what. She is my girlfriend now!!!! We are having more “fun” than ever before and while all guys like to look at pretty women, I will take mine girlfriend over any other. Like the saying goes “why have hamburger out when you can have steak at home”

[heatherlynn22]

so you call your wife your g/f? i'd smack my husband silly he ever referred to me as his g/f. she's not just some girl you're dating. she's your wife. the woman you're supposed to love above all other.

[mami1323]

The only good thing about that Vic is instead of stepping out on her you decided to put effort into making it work.  If more men did that, there would be less cheating.  Relationships are work, if you just communicate to eachother and tell one another where you are feeling neglected or where you think the relationship needs a boost then people will work harder.  Instead of running to another woman to fulfill those needs.  Your wife is capable of doing it if told, we're not mind readers either.

[VicUser]

I see you don't get it, she is my wife, no doubt, but I treat her the same as I would if I was courting her. You know all the little things we would do for each other when we were dating. It is amazing how when dating men will open doors, plan a date, where to go like movies dinner, bring flowers. Women will shave their legs and put on make up and a dab of perfume, put on nice clothes and be happy to see him when he gets there.

Once married so many women stop caring, shaving their legs once a month is ok unless they are going to be seen by the guys at work. Sweats or flannel night gown even before hubby gets home is fine because she wants to be comfy and instaed of a hug and kiss and an I Love You, it is you forgot to take out the trash, as he is walking in the door.

Guys will bellow where's my supper and plop down in the chair and want her to wait on him. Get mad when there is not clean undies in the draw eventhough he didn't bother to put them in the hamper, you get the idea.

So my wife is my girlfriend, as well as my best friend and the mother of our boys. She now welcomes me home and looks good just for me. When I forget to set the trash at the curb on trash day she does it without saying a word and comploments me when I remember. I plan dates on a regular basis, take the laudry to the basement and start a load often, I tell her that she is the hottest woman I have seen all day and I am so lucky to have her. When I reach around and fondler her instead of getting mad and slapping my hand away she now smiles and tells me how much I turn her on. She knows that there are more beautiful women out there than she is and I know that there are better looking guys than I am, but beauty and hotness is in the eye of the beholder and a function of how one acts.

So with all that said, I feel sorry for your husband that he does not have a woman that he can call his g/f. My wife smiles when I call her that because she knows she is treating me right.

[heatherlynn22]

my husband and i never stopped anything we did while we were dating. i still shave my legs every week. not once a month. that's just disgusting. he still opens doors for me, buys me flowers, makes me dinner, pulls out my chair and will just give me random kisses. you don't have to view your wife as a g/f in order to do that. and he doesn't care if i have my hair done and makeup done or if i'm in my sweats with my hair in a pony tail (which is how i'm usually dressed during the day). he understands. he knows that i'm a sahm taking care of 8 month old twins. he KNOWS i'm not going to put on my best clothes and take time away from our children to get all "dolled" up for him. sure when we go out i go all out but for day to day......no.

my husband views me as his wife, his best friend, his lover and the mother of his children. he doesn't have to down grade me to a g/f in order to keep the love and flare in our relationship. after the boys go to bed we still snuggle on the couch, watch a movie/tv or just talk. i still wear the sexy lingerie for him (i don't do it every night but i still do it). he doesn't demand dinner from me and clean laundry as i don't b!tch at him about putting down the toilet seat or taking out the trash. and my husband STILL tells me i'm beautiful even if i'm wearing my sweats with my hair in a pony tail. for him i don't have to be glamorous and completely done up like a barbie for him to view me as the most beautiful woman. to him no matter what i'm HIS wife, his best friend and his lover.

so no i don't understand why you have to call your wife your g/f in order for her to be beautiful to you.

[VicUser]

You still don't get it, but that is ok. Calling her my wife my g/f as well as my wife is not a down grade, it is a compliment, but maybe you think of it differently than I do. It sounds like you are a good wife and have a good man. I am sure you have good marriage and I give you props for being a sahm. My wife and I thought that was important too and did the same, once the kids were in school she started working part time but her employer understood the kids came first. If they were sick or off school she was home.

Keep loving your hubby the way you are and I an sure no woman will ever temp him because he has all he needs at home. LOL, my wife is still my g/f, but I hope you know that is really really meant as a compliment. She understands what I mean, so I guess that is all that is needed.

[joesprincess2007]

I am the girlfriend of a married man. I don't have low self esteem.  I didn't chase after him.  He chased after me for a very long time before I gave in.  I will be the first one to agree it was wrong of him to cheat on her.  I wanted to take it slow, he wanted me to take him in...he left her because he was in love with me....he was in love with me before I even knew he existed.  We are still struggling with this triangle a year and a half later.  He still lives with me, and he doesn't love his wife.  Sometimes life just works out that way...it's not always someone's "fault".  I'm pretty sure I couldn't force anyone to do anything without using deadly force, so how could another woman make a man cheat on his wife?  It takes two to make a marriage work and it takes two to make it fall apart.

[mami1323]

joes don't be surprised if he does it to you at some point.  What goes around comes around.  

[joesprincess2007]

that thought crosses my mind every day. luckily i'm a "glass half full" kinda gal so i take life as it comes

[gokuangel]

Candy.. who says you must face up well i am! Every single day of my life! i chose to walk away b4 being an interfernce and being the reason his kids couldnt have mom and dad together! i realized im an idiot and my fiancee was the man and i loved and very good at that! and to this day 3 yrs i still have to deal with trust issues and what he thinks and wants! But i know i dont care my DH is a great man  i love him and whatever he wants me to prove or keep on proving i will! My mistakes i know i did but i know whats right and if i have to i will spend the next 99yrs telling my now husband i love more than anything then so be it i shall do that!

[Trialanderror]

I don`t know any women who specialize in persuing married men even though they must exist. Maybe because they thrive on others` misery.
What has not been mentioned here yet is the huge number of married opportunistic men who go through great lengths of either hiding they are married or pretending they are just going through a divorce if the other woman happens to know they are married or whining about their "horrible marriage" to create some "sympathy" with the prospect of getting laid.
If I count the times that I have been approached by married men, I can only say it must be true that MOST men cheat if given the opportunity. I made sure not to fall into that trap and my standard phrase is: "I`m not going to help you cheat on your wife". But the very first time before I woke up to this type problem this "wonderful man" pretended to be long divorced and his ex-wife living in another country. The whole time I was not even aware of it being a lie. I honestly thought he was single for two years!
I just want to say that I feel for anyone who is being cheated on but you also need to be aware of your respective husbands possibly being the instigators. Of course when you hear it from the horse`s mouth, it`s always the woman who persued him and he just had to give in...wrong, in many cases.

[joesprincess2007]

That is soooo true. I once had a guy that I dated in high school calling me and stopping in at work to see me and I kept asking him "didn't you get married after high school?" and he kept saying no, not me.....luckily nothing physical ever happened between us because one day he called me screaming about how his wife saw an instant message I sent him....unfortunately the next time I was too involved before I realized things weren't as they seemed....live and learn

[Trialanderror]

Yep, this could be a whole separate thread...isn`t it too depressing to see those men quickly remove the infant seats from their cars when they go on trips or forgetting their wedding bands or coming up with "I`m not getting any since the baby. I deserve to have an affair." It is outrageous what is out there. It is always best to stay out of it.

[ProudArmyWife96]

I agree, some women over step by chasing after married men but lets step out and look at the picture. That woman could not have that married man if he stays true to his vows.
the same way we have to  show others to respect. its the same way that married man or woman have to teach other to respect them and their marriages.

[ProudArmyWife96]

he may have persued you. but the moment you new he was married he was off limits.
the moment you found out he was married you should have valued yourself as a woman and tell him that you are worth more than just being the other woman. it make take two to ruin a marriage but you had a part in that. for him to leave its because you gave him hope.

You can not take what is not yours and expect happiness. you can not build on someone elses misery. either you wont last or you wont be happy.

To that married woman who's husband your with i hope she realizes that in the end you did her a favor by taking out the garbage.

[lily1616]

It's really disgusting to see some of these women blame the other women. I guess it's easier to do then to blame your husbands. I guess a girl's gotta do what she gotta do to sleep at night. Right?

These men are liars-- point bar. They made a promise to you & broke the bond. It's time that we stop coming up with excuses for these married men.

[mami1323]

No one is blaming the women only but if a woman knows that a man is married they should stay away.  Where is a woman's integrity, where is a woman's respect for another woman.  Yes, the man is the responsible one here and should not stray but women should know better as well.

[las03]

In my case I do also blame the other woman. My fiance and I have been together for 15 yrs. At first the other woman did not know he was married. They met on the internet and never met face to face. She now knows he is with someone and they both still continue their relationship on line. So I now blame both parties for destroying our relationship we had for 15 yrs. I have even confronted her through e-mails and she still won't back off. Even for the sake of our 13 yr old daughter!! Neither one shows no respect for our family!!

[mami1323]

las she continued to pursue him after the fact.  That is disgusting.  What kind of thrill those two get from having an affair online?  What kind of relationship is that?  It's just so pathetic.  They both have serious issues and probably deserve each other.  I'm so sorry.

[BoHager]

Boy I feel I am putting my self in harms way on this subject lol. I am a man who has been on the other side of the fence. My wife cheated on me. I was honest and faithfull and showed her how much I loved her. 6 weeks after DR put me out of work and start SSI claim BOOM! So much for in sickness and in health. If this was 1960 or 70 I would agree with all your statements ,but this is 2009 and I beleave wives cheat as much if not more than husbands ( not that either two are rite ) Paul Harvey just said the other day " In this present economy what is the # 1 biggest stock investment answer (Clairol lipstick) in the last 2 years there stock has jumped 57% Now for the rest of the story. It's not to look good for their husbands". I seen a few Bible verses that other ladys have posted I agree to the most. But don't forget he who casts the first stone! I do have one puzzeling questions you ladys might be able to help me with. Why is it when a husband cheats on his wife he is a low life, scum, and should be hanged. But when a wife does it, it's she wasn't getting this or that at home. I beleave marriage license should be like drivers license and have to renew after 5 years. Would solve alot of things.

[jewelscute1]

God I hate those women but I have learned to divert my attention towards the man.  WTF is he doing??  He is breaking his vows, not her.  As for her, sad b/c if a man's married, she knows she isn't going to get a commitment, which is what every woman seeks.

[sammy73]

In the case of las03 - the woman didn't know he was married when they "met".  That's easy enough for some men to pretend, particularly on-line.  By the time she found out, she may well have been "besotted" enough with him that she wasn't prepared to end it.  Yes, that is what she should have done, but some people aren't so strong and don't find it easy.

It's not right that she continued, but it's more understandable, and I wouldn't categorise her right alongside those women who know at, or close to, the start of an affair that the man is married, or those who specifically pursue married men.

[mami1323]

I agree a woman who cheats on her husband is just as disgusting as a man who cheats on his wife.  I don't think there is an excuse for either to do it to the person they so called "love".  I think if you are in a relationship or are married you need to respect that person.  If you aren't getting your needs met, you either 1. communicate this to your spouse or partner or 2. get out of the relationship or marriage and pursue others after the marriage or relationship is over and done with.  Simple as that.  I don't know why people have such a hard time with that concept.

[BoHager]

Short and sweet, I agree with you 100%

[las03]

I also agree 100%. People do have a hard time with that.