Boyfriend Cheated 3 years ago

I have dated my fiance for 3 years. We found out yesterday that he has a 2 year old daughter with his exgf.. yes.. I said 2 years old.. Obviously he cheated on me with his exgf when we first got together.She has lied to him for the past 2 years and told him 3 different times the child was someone else's. I'm mortified. I honestly have no idea what to do.. I have no family or friends I could talk to about this extremely personal matter...I honestly did not see this coming...He accidentally found out yesterday that the child is his becuase the girl told someone who told his sister. He obviously had an idea since he asked her 3 different times...Do I forgive him for something horrible he did 3 years ago... Or do I stay and never bond with his child because every time I look at her I see him cheating... I never knew one person could cause this much pain....

[Lonelyag]

I feel your pain..I have been through the same thing. My "husband" cheated on me after 8 years together while I had just had my 2nd daughter. It's tough and it takes alot of time to heal. I see his daughter on the weekends when he brings her over. I honestly like to bond with his daughter and my daughters love her being around. It did take alot of effort to start getting used to the idea...but it can be done. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and the child really has no fault in this. It's up to you whether you forgive him or not. Just don't forgive too soon. Take time to get your feelings and thoughts together.

[cheshchesh819]

I too know what its like to get over an affair very hard but if a child was involved i know i couldnt,sorry i would have to leave

[mammo]

This child will most likely be a big part of both your lives if he is to be the father he should be. So, knowing you can't bond with this child is not a good situation for anyone, especially the child. He cheated on you, and has obviously been speaking to this woman to have asked her 3 times if it is his child, so you have a decision to make. The ex and the daughter will always be a part of your life....can't you accept this, or do you even want to? He's a cheater, the past predicts the future, and in time you may find out he has cheated before.  Don't feel like you have no options because you do, and don't be afraid to talk to people close to you about this.  Now is when you need the support of family and friends, and you will find them much more understanding than you think.  The first thing that needs to be done is a DNA test to confirm that what she is saying is true.  Then YOU must decide what you can live with, and please don't take it out on this innocent child, she is in no way to blame for this, it's the two adults involved.  I know it's a tough situation and I'm so sorry that you are enduring this, but think long and hard about all of it before making any decisions. I think you and your fiance need to have a long talk about all of this.  It needs to be determined IF he is the father, and how involved he will be in the child's life.  This will be a whole new ball game if this is his daughter.  But you need to think of you and what you want and deserve out of a man, infidelity is tough to forgive. I do wish you al the best and good luck.

[azncrx]

Hi, Sorry to hear that fiancee cheated on you.  Good thing your not married, Basically you should just move on with your life and someone out there will treat you with respect and dignity.  You deserve better than that.  Good luck to you holly.  Have a blessful life

Ps.. a cheater is a cheater has no respect for your feelings

[teko]

I would ask how your relationship has been for the last three years. Do you trust him? Do you have a good solid relationship with him now or will you forever be wondering at everyturn if he will do it again?

Secondly, the situation is what it is. This man has a child and this child will and should be part of his life. Can you accept her and love her and not blame her for her fathers indiscretion?

You are not married at this point, so all your options are on the table so to speak. You can decide what you can and cannot handle and take action without the pain of divorce, but is that what you want to do? If there have been no other incidences since then and if he has come clean with you about that one, maybe it is worth saving. If he did not come clean and has given you more recent reason to not trust him, and you cannot accept this child, I would walk away for good.

Personally, if a bf cheated on me while being my bf, I would not marry him, ever. But that is me.

[zoe114]

Hi, I am sorry that your in this pain. You really do need to first ask yourself what you want from him and then can he provide. It sounds to me like you have already answered this question and just want others to tell you to move on. It does not sound like you will ever be happy with him and this child of his will pay a huge price for what your bf and his ex gf did. I will tell you that a lot of men cheat, this does not mean that you will not find a good one- there are many good guys out there and even the ones that cheat eventully do stop. Pick up the book ( I am trying to remember the name) but the one written by that comedian about woman and men...I will post when it comes to me.
Your happiness means a lot, and you are always going to wonder about him. Move on. Forgive him and be a friend, but don't marry this man. Your life will be much richer and happier.    

[zoe114]

Why Men Marry *******: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Here are the two books that will get you to understanding why YOU are worth it to move on. You will be laughing as you gain insight.

I wish you will :)