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Dealing with an unhealthy breakup
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Dealing with an unhealthy breakup

Hi, I am really new at this, I've never asked for advices on forums like this or any online community that exists nowadays, but it seems that this time I need an outside look, so I would appreciate it very much if someone who doesn't even know my face cared about my rough situation. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago because he hit me during one of our fights. He slapped me across the face. He isn't that type of guy, I actually still think he is my soulmate. I didn't say a word, just looked him in the eye trying to hold back my tears, and then I burst out of the room. He tried to stop me, telling me how sorry he was. The next day he packed his bags and left, we were living together in my apartment and I have been through hell since then. He called me three weeks ago, saying he wants to talk to me only over the phone, he wants to hear my voice, but I said no and hung up the phone. My wounds were almost healed, I didn't want him back in my life, even though I am still in love with him. And theeeen... I sent him an e-mail with a picture of me, smiling, and the lyrics "Don't leave me here to pass through time/Without a map or road sign" by Placebo, one of our favourite bands, and we had been talking. We said we weren't going to get back together, that we didn't need all that drama all over again, but we couldn't help it, and it had been amazing. But today, we started talking about that slap in the face and how I was the only woman that could ever get him so mad. He told me that if I deserved it, he would slap me again. I repeat, those were his exact words "if you deserve it". This wicked part of him scares the hell out of me and I can't get over it. I told him I had to leave. He sent me a message "Are you still mad?" 2 minutes ago. I don't know what to do, I want to forget about him but I've came to a point where is just... supernatural not to think about him as "the one" and the man I will always love. I need help.
10 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Oh goodness, yes, you do need help if you want to be with a man that TELLS you that he WILL slap you if you deserve it.  Honey, that is setting yourself up for abuse.  In fact, that first slap is the begining of a cycle.  That you didn't tell him to get out when he hit you and he chose to leave is very disturbing to me.  

Absolutley I recommend therapy to break this pattern.  Abusive relationships take two---  the abuser and a certain mentality of someone that would live with it, accept it, call someone that physically hurt them their soulmate.  

Stay away from him.  Or you'll wind up a statistic.  good luck
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1700643_tn?1348985292
He is not ur soulmate.He only apologized to get u back.He didnt mean it and thats proven by him saying u deserved ot and he would(which means he WILL)do it again.He is blaming u by saying ur the only woman who could get him that mad.Thats is bs thats him saying u got him mad so he hit u but its ur fault for getting him mad which is crap.U need to cut off contact with this jerk completely.
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Avatar_f_tn
Benny there, done that. He isn't the right guy for you if he is that way. I thought the same about the due I was with but now I'm happy, have a wonderful boyfriend and we are having our first baby. Believe me, he would be a waste of time if you went back. Stay strong, hun.
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Avatar_f_tn
I echo all the advice here.  

"soul mate" has become sort of a buzz word that describes what one "wants" their relationship to be.  It's our "love of love" that gives us this often mistaken belief (wish)

Love is not "simple", it does not just "appear".  It grows and it builds and it takes time.  Being "soul mates" is truely a RARE form of intimacy.  Soul is not a "thing" and being "soul mates" is a "quality" or a "dimension" with another, a "profound" connection.  One doesn't "meet" One's"soul mate", They BECOME "soul mates".  It takes time, much time to become "profoundly connected"......and a "soul mate" never, ever slaps anyone.
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and welcome. People are influenced by the society they are raised and in some societies men are of the Macho nature so understanding actions should not be confused with true feelings. Im not sure if Romania is one of these. I personally think he is a brute and bully and should be reported to the police for domestic violence but this is from an American attitude.  If you feel he is your soul mate and want him in your life and believe his actions are socially based, then have a talk with him that this is not acceptable behavior and if he does it again your gone.
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Avatar_f_tn
I personally think:  ONE slap = You MUST get the h ell away from Him!!

He has confirmed to You that He would consider slapping You again - DO NOT!! DO NOT!! give Him the option to EVER Do This Again!!  There is NO SUCH THING as You "DESERVE" to be slapped in the FIRST place!!  DO NOT Give Him A Second OPPORTUNITY To Think You "DESERVE TO BE SLAPPED", as there is NO SUCH THING!!

(I will repeat this as many times as You need to hear it in order for You to keep YourSelf safe!!)
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973741_tn?1342346373
Yes, agree with my whole heart that the first slap is not just a red flag but a deal breaker.  I would not stay with any man that raised a hand to me even once and especially when they say that they'll do it againi f you deserve it.  

No woman should stay in that situation.  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn

No one, I repeat, no one has the right to hurt you, never mind slap you
across the face. This man you call your "soul mate" is an abuser.
Make no mistake. Specialmom told you that this is the start of an abusive
cycle if you stay with him. This man whom you love, does not know what
love is. If you stay with him, you will become his punching bag.
You even said in your initial comments that he said to you he would slap
you again, if he thinks you deserve it. Here's my advice. Do not see this
man again. Don't talk to him again in any form including texting and whatever you do, don't agree to meet him anywhere so he can apologize.
This man is physically abusive, probably emotionally and psychologically
abusive too.  The abuse will become worse and the beatings will become
worse. Abusers are also major control freaks and nothing is ever there
fault. He even said to you no other woman has made him so made.
What a bunch of b.s.  The slap across the face was a red flag and this
is what it means. Run don't walk away from him. This man is dangerous,
definitely a man to stay away from. I actually dated an abuser a number
of years ago. He never slapped me, but he was emotionally abusive,
majorly manipulative, a major control freak and he even stalked me after
we broke up until I threated to call the police and report him.
Also it would be a really good idea to get some one on one counselling
to discuss why you are attracted to men like this. I went into counselling
after I ended this relationship which thankfully wasn't that long because
I realized what kind of man I was involved with. The counselling really
helped me understand a number of things. You don't deserve to be
treated this way by a man who claims to love you. That's not love.
If this helps think of him as something that is poisonous, that he's dangerous and that you need to stay away and protect yourself.
I would not stay with any man who raised his hand to me even once
and neither should you. I'm sure you are a wonderful woman. Eve
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5710652_tn?1373010482
Distance yourself love.i know its hard,but after awhile of cutting yourself off from him,youll find yourself getting stronger & better off without him.
i myself went through an abusive relationship with my ex-fiance. He did the same,apologized after eachtime but he never stopped..at first i told myself i needed to try & work things out with him for our babys sake,that ivloved him & he was the one,but when he tried making me miscarry by beating my stomach i defended myself for the first time  .i left & havent looked back. If it werent for my son i could possibly not be alive right now.

Please do not make the same mistake i did.dont stay with a man who admits hes willing to strike you for ANY reason.nip that problem early.in total i ended up with 2 months where i was covered in bruises then in the 3rd month i had bruises,two black eyes & a swollen bloody nose.please please please do not give him the chance to do the same to you sweetheart.
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5974753_tn?1379619227
Occurred to me that he left without bring asked because he knows he has a violent streak and is capable of doing bodily harm. Hope you are well and have broken ties before he hurts you again and possibly much worse.
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