My husand & I have been together 14 years. We have 3 kids under 5. He has been abusing drugs for over 5 years. It is at the point now that he lies, sneaks, hoards money, steals, will ave money but not contribute (food etc) because he wants a safe $ stash for drugs, lays around high in front of our kids.... etc. My 15yr old daughter is aware of it and they do not get along because he argues with her as if he has the mentality of a 17 year old...etc.
A couple years ago, he would'nt touch me. No affection whatsoever for MONTHS. It was devastating. I felt ugly and so I found that "attention" from a guy online who told me everything my husband had'nt been. I craved emotional attention and to be reassured I was beautiful. it only lasted a couple months online but his addictions are still a problem 3 years later. I never met the guy in person and he did find out about it, but we still got married and he was better for a while but went back to his old ways.
I've tried to get him counselig, threatened divorce...I want to leave him because I feel drugs will always be #1 for him. I have tried explaining to him that the drugs are just like him cheating PHYSICALLY on me. But he disagrees.
Am I wrong to feel this way and do what I did?
In a sense he is cheating... that is to say, he's so absorbed in the drug use that he's ignoring everyone, and probably everything around him. He's consumed and having a psychological and physiological affair with the drugs that that can only offer the illusion of gratification.
The online guy fulfilled a fantasy... he offered gratification of an emotion need... the need for validation. Was that cheating? It's hard to say... it could have been friendship that had the potential to go to the cheating extreme. Do you think that you were cheating?
He isn't cheating on you, he is taking advantage of you, lying to you, etc. etc. There is no physical person there but what you have to face is that he'd rather do drugs than be with you. He is choosing his addiction and you are seeking emotional satisfaction. Leave him.
You online is more cheating them him doing drugs. Yes there was nothing physical with you and your online fantasy guy, but you had this entire vision played out in your head. I'm not saying it's wrong because we are women, we seek positive interaction like that, but your husband is using drugs which he will cheat on you or probably has cheated with a woman/human being. The drug culture is horrible. IMO, the online thing is something I'd rather deal with (as a woman) then the drug abuse, however, if my man was doing the online thing, how would I not know that they didn't meet in person? GOOD LUCK
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