Embarrassment

[Fuzzz]

A marriage takes two people to work, but only one to break it up.  So my spouse is only human and certainly could have listened to me earlier on and gotten counseling and all, but I'm the one who strayed.  I also confessed, expecting it to end the marriage.  I don't have the drive to stay married or even continue living like this.  He's not evil, not abusive, not a drunk, and he holds down a job.  He has faults of course, and without nagging I did try to communicate my suggestions over the years, but he resisted change.  We had two horrible years where everything went wrong.  My depression got worse and worse and I wanted to die.  I tried changing jobs, tried going back to school, tried seeing a psychiatrist (who left town) and tried new prescriptions, and saw a Christian counselor, who was taking a lot of time just to understand why I was there, and with school and work, time and money ran out.  I found yet another, very different job, which eased my boredom some, and I promptly fell for somebody there.  Suddenly life is worth living.  Now I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and am trying a new med, but it's not curing me.  I don't what what I have and want something else, even if it's temporary.  DH is freaking out.  The family is freaking out on both sides.  They all feel sorry for the victim, DH.  But I can't manufacture the feelings I'm supposed to have.  There is a lot to do and so much judgement waiting to swoop down on me, but I'm just trying to live in this crazy, unhappy world.  I tried following the rules and I hate the rules now, and everybody wants to tell me to quit this and start acting right.  I can't do it.  DH wants to know how we got here.  I don't know.  I just want to feel better.  Is this typical or unusual?  Am I nuts or what?  How do you get through this weirdness?  

[Lonelymom]

Depression is a very real thing and can be caused from so many different reasons. Being unhappy in your marriage is a defiant cause of depression. I don't believe you are nuts you are trying to make him listen. I am not saying what you did was right or wrong and have no plans to judge you. I have been there and understand completely.  Maybe a little seperation and time to think things through would be good for the both of you. Maybe then he will be willing to seek help and listen to what you need.  

Sweety if you are nuts for what is going on then half of america is nuts. Depression is a chemical inbalance in the brain. Someone that is fighting depression needs a spouse to be their best friends and be extra gentle and caring when the depression is the worst. Please keep seeing a counselor not only when you feel depressed but when you feel happy as well. This will help keep the depression away.

[bluestarmom187]

You are acting like a selfish little Bi*ch. So..it's all about what makes you happy...right..thats all that matters? Ya..get out of the marrige..HE deserves someone much better who understands that in a marriage you are concerned about the happiness of your spouse as well as yourself...not just yourself.

DO HIM THE FAVOR and get out and get on with your self pleasing nature. You have no right to hurt anyone this way.

[bluestarmom187]

OK.. I am sorry. That was a little rude on my part. But please do not hurt someone else all for self gratification(sp).

Do the right thing.

[Fuzzz]

Well I moved out.  I have a roommate.  I'm off my antidepressant and don't require it now that I've changed my situation.  I've given this marriage 22 years, and I don't think it's going to get better.  Bluestarmom, my mother would agree with you, although she wouldn't use that sort of language.  I got married for the wrong reason, but I had been asking for help since I was 9, and nobody would accept that I was depressed and help me.  I chose a man who would protect me from scary life.  But it wasn't a real marriage.  Not for me.  So I'm not sure there is a "right" thing, but this is the best I can do.  

[bluestarmom187]

That's great! I think that both of you will find that your lives will be much more fruitful. I am also glade that you have found some peace and some answers along the way.

Best of luck to you. I do wish you well.