My husband and I are divorcing after 10 years of marriage due to my infidelity. I threw my life away. I had everything I ever need: a brand new car, a house, a loving family, and a husband who truly accepted me for who I was. I hate myself each and every day. I have been hospitalized 3 times due to my situation and I have been put on medications to help me cope.
My husband still cares and wants to be friends for our son's sake. I still have faith and hope that God will lead us down the same path someday. How can I tell if we will ever be together again? Opinions on how I can ask for forgiveness. I'm so lost I don't know who to turn to. My family feels helpless and are tired of me crying and being depressed. Help me Please!
- I apologize in advance for the apparent brusqueness of the following advice, and I do sympathetically suggest that hating yourself is a waste of time. You have to do some proactive thinking about yourself; self-hate will not fix the problem or make those close to you feel any better toward you, so just don't bother. Take your meds and get out of self pity and try to calm down. Then ,,, -
If the divorce is not even final yet, it's way too early to hope for forgiveness, let alone guarantees that everything will be back the way it was, sometime in the future. You hurt your husband, you did something you regret and aren't emotionally level right now. It kind of sounds like you haven't worked with a counselor on why you cheated in the first place. Asking for forgiveness and needing hospitalization and wanting God to save your marriage and showing your crying and depression to the family all sound like you're looking to others to make everything better so you won't have such a price to pay for what you did. Don't ask this of the man you hurt so badly, and stop faunching around crying so everyone can see you and feel sorry for you. Instead, with a professional, go into what on earth possessed you in the first place to cheat, and see if you can learn who you are and what you honestly want. Until you come up with true answers for yourself, I'm afraid others' forgiveness (even if they would give it) won't fix your heart or change your guilt. You have to live with your discomfort and find out what you want. I don't actually believe people have affairs out of happy marriages. Also grownups don't ask mom, dad, hubby or anyone else to swoop in and make everything all nice again until they do the work to fix what they did. How you go forward from here is up to you, and you alone can determine your future.
Hi and welcome. Well, sounds like you have a lot of internal grief going on. When we've done something that derails our life and we deeply regret it, it does feel just awful. And losing a marriage is like a death. I'm sure you are overwhelmingly sad and I'm very sorry about that.
You mention some mental health issues. I honestly think that you should work very hard to address those. By getting yourself healthy psychologically, then you will be in a better position to work on what is ahead with your estranged husband and you.
I think you can have hope that things will eventually work out and you two will reconcile. It does occasionally happen. but you need to be doing the work on your end of that--- seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, working through what has been going on. You don't give any details to what led to the infidelity. Were there problems in the marriage, were you seeking attention, etc? really important to investigate this and understand the 'how' as to how it happened. As introspective as you can be and as honest with yourself as you can be, the better.
For now, work on the friendly relationship your husband desires for your sake of your child. I agree that this is really important and am so happy he wants it to be that way. It is hard on kids when parents separate and that will make it easier on your child. Then as you make great strides to work on the mental health issues----- that is really the most important thing here. As your husband sees that, he may soften and THEN he may forgive.
Hi, let me just apologize before hand if I step on any toes here. As you can see as much as you had it wasnt enough for you. I was also married for 10 yrs. Now divorced due to my ex cheating. Anyhow we reconciled after 8 months. I can honestly say we were better off apart. I grew to dislike him even more. I couldnt stand the thought of him touching me. After 2 yrs of our reconciliation I find out he was cheating again. This time I asked for the divorce. He of course wanted to come back. I decided I deserved to have better for myself. When something like that happens "everything that holds a marriage together is lost". I dont have to be a man to know what your husband must be feeling. Your a grown woman dont soak on your tears for a decision you and only you took. Deal with the concequences and keep in mind you have a child to care for. Your child will not be ok if your not. We all make mistakes. Learn from it and move on. Take care.
Hi also and terribly sorry about this. For having all you have there must be a good reason why you did this and this reason may bring forgiveness from your husband. Things like this is usually the result in a failure of both people and his failure, if accepted, may bring him back.
Copyright 1994-2016 MedHelp International. All rights reserved.
MedHelp is a division of Aptus Health.
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.